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Steffanie Jul 2016
Lay your world at my feet.
Only then can we climb all of the little successes
Leading us to the bigger picture.
At worst a graveyard of memories and futures never had.
Of mewling infants
Lost treasures
Sleepless nights.
What say you now, little man?
All that was to be said has been said?
Oh yes, you were the sand I was trying to hold.


Hanging
Hanging
Hanging
Drink
Drank
Drunk
Steffanie Nov 2015
If I thought that we would crash and burn
faster
than he and I
There is nothing that would stop me from walking away.
Finding myself in you
So that I may go on forever knowing.
Bemusement be ******.
You see,
I owe it to everyone involved
to see this to the very end.
To see this to the wreckage.
through the turmoil
and dismay
until we find ourselves in
deadlock.
Our own
inferno of fulfillment.
Ultimately
I will be with you.
Without being animated by old knots.
Damage undone.
Relentlessly
loving.


Present tense.
To have you,
however I may have you,
I am at ease.
Steffanie Oct 2015
It is then when the madness fades
when I sit silent for too long,
that all of the pain,
the abuse,
loss,
lonliness of never being truly loved
leaks from my eyes.
Moistened cheeks burn red with humility
for ever being such a fool.
Toothless fool with no bite.
Loveless fool with no safe place
other than
a bottomless bottle.
This is why I am chaos.
Steffanie Sep 2015
Will you know?
              Will you ever know,
How incredibly beautiful I think you are?
                      The most perfectly sculpted features
Made of cold, smoothe, marble,
           and smoke, and *****.
The world melted you, forming the most beautiful indifference.
For someone with such a voice, you never use it.
Steffanie Sep 2015
Sharks and birds feeding eachother.
Swimming in circles.
Frantic flight.
Graceful thrashing.
Blood fills salty pools
diluted oceans
Epiphaneia.
After a storm comes a calm.
End frenzy.
                                 And we are all empty again.
                                               And we are all soiled again.
                                                          ­     We. Are. All. HUNGRY. again.
Repeat
Repeat
Second guess
THEN....
repeat.
Steffanie Oct 2014
As a child the world is beautiful and everything in it,
delicious.
So there we are laughing at cartoons,
chasing butterfly kisses in the wind,
and crying about how "Billy said I couldn't ride his bike because I have blonde hair!"
You have your own bike which makes little to no difference.
Kids are cruel.
Rebel.
"*******, Billy! I've got my own bike!"
Years pass.
We grow and come face to face with reality.
The world is named Billy.  
Billy gnashes his black,
tar covered,
teeth.
Nostrils fill with his nicotine masked morning breath as he's kicking your ***.
You're awake now,
face down on a park bench burying your own ***** in the dew drenched sand at 10 a.m.
You rip apart at the seams
The wounds of time open in your brain
And you are no longer satisfied.
The ***** you drank to drown your pain becomes you.
A manifestation of time,
age,
and bittersweet friendships
forgotten or vanquished by Billy are forefront in your mind.
Time has consumed you.
Billy has swallowed you whole.
Living has never become more important than when life is threatening to abandon you.
Time is up.
Your savior demolished you.
Liver shriveled,
heart black,
brain dead,
and soul less.
Killed at the bottom of a bottle and crawling
NO!
begging for forgiveness.
Reality strikes.
You once again remember your need for Billy.
Billy, that bad *** with his two chrome wheels and distaste for blondes.
Loathing his existence.
The smell of Billy ever present as the sweet taste of life drains from your tongue.
Slipping has never been more difficult.
Drawing a last breath of bitter air into your lungs as you whisper
"*******, Billy. I have my own bike."
Steffanie Oct 2014
Mascara stained cheeks bleed red
Sting of fingers across flesh And I go numb.
Old scars come to surface under fluorescent light
Use them as a map to find your own way out
While my heart pours out in bed
Muffled sobs escape.
Retreat and beg for mercy.
Liquor fueled this fight
And love propels it
As tarnished souls exchange blows
Love is war.
A fair fight.
I'm back at the beginning
Starting over more achy than ever
My will is tired
And my spirit has left me now.
Sleeping babes. be kind. She knows not what she does.
The world has been cruel And her teachers unjust.
                                                       The tears welcome her.
                                                               Your scent on the blankets
                                              It comforts her.

She left her soul behind as she watched the last sight of hope walk into the sunrise.

Eyes close drifting to the only peace to be found.
Awaken to the disappearance and all is mended.
"The downside is reality."
God holds no weight in this world,
And they always finish more tired than they began.
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