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am i ee Sep 2015
“HOKEY POKEEEEEEEY!"

"HOKEY POKEY MOTHER *******!"

cried the big fat bus as she sped away.

the young brave
looked up  

"it’s not hokey pokey
you moronic big fat bus
with the big fat yellow bootay

"It’s H————“

but the big fat bus
with the big fat yellow bootay
couldn’t hear him
with the wind in her ears
and the nobel battle cry
ringing through her yellow grill
as she sped away.

and with that,
the handsome young brave
returned to the task at hand
sharpening his very,
very,
large blades,
very,
very,
slowly.
if you have a hankerin' to read from the beginning... see the Collections,  The Manly Cowboy & Chronicles of a Big Fat Yellow Bootay
am i ee Sep 2015
quite stealthily,
the big fat yellow bootay
cruised
by the very intent,
young brave lad
so carefully
sharpening
his
blades,

oh,
so,
quietly.

oh,
so,
slowly....

a skill she had
perfected these many months
on the run.

and what fun months
they were.

she slid by
oh.
so,
very,
silently,

then a nice
distance away
she turned
her big fat yellow bootay
around.

and.......
if you have a hankerin' to read from the beginning... see the Collections,  The Manly Cowboy & Chronicles of a Big Fat Yellow Bootay
am i ee Sep 2015
"it’s time to go
to bed NOW,
right NOW
right this second,
or you are going to get a spanking."

bubbling up with
happy glee
the stumpy little
legs ran
and danced
around
ignorning this stern
sound booming,
this stern
sound looming.

"get upstairs,
NOW,
get into bed,
i’ll be up
in a minute,
to give you
that spanking."

Uh oh!
her fat little
squishy three-year-old
legs
carried her up
as she ran up
the stairs.

heart beating
fast with fear
of impending doom.

coming into the room
she looked about
desperately,
spying a book,
into her bed
she took.

shoving that book
inside her jammy
bottoms,
and covered her bare
little ***
but,
good.

lying there waiting,
with
layers of
help
so thickly,
so comfortingly,
spread in between,
that big hand,
and her little ***
filled with dread.

The little one,
so happy
just moments ago,
not so happy
now,
just lying there
waiting.
filling with
looming fear.


oh what a life,
an eternal seesaw
of happy and sad
mad and glee.

book and
pajama bottoms,
sheet,
and blanket.

he’ll never see,
that book that’s,
a covering me.

waiting with dread,
the minutes ticking
in the dark,
ever so slowly,
an  eternity.

the huge giant
finally came up,
big shoes,
booming each
step of the way.

he
gave a good swat,
then out
he went,
closing the door,
shaking a finger
and saying,
“i don’t want to hear any more."

giggled
did she,
and thougth to
herself,
i didn’t even
feel that
and he didn’t,
even know.

hee hee hee..

pulling that book
away from her
be-hinny,
she stretched
out on her back
so comfortably,
so calmly,
and very
peacefully.

so happy
was she,
with her,
Oh So Smart
3-year-old
little self.
am i ee Sep 2015
Puppy tail, tipped in black,
dipped it in clear creek.
my puppyhead has a black tipped tail & ears.
am i ee Sep 2015
beep beep go the cars
beep beep go the SUVs
beep beep go the trash trucks
beep beep go the busses
beepeeeee beepeeeee go the fire engines
beepeeeee beepeeeee go the ambulances

beep beep go the shovelers
beep beep go the snow trucks
beep beep go the Fed Ex guys & UPS ers

beep beep go the watches
beep beep go the alarms
beep beep go the microwave ovens
beep beep go the washers & dyers

beep beep go the beepers
that are driving me beep beeping insane

beep beep

beep beep goes the Road Runner
but that one does not
drive me beep beeping insane!

beep! beep!

beep! beep!

beep! beep!

beep! beep!

Okay, now, really,
you have driven me beep beeping insane.
and the ear plugs aren't a workin' fer me.....
help i need somebody, help, not just any body.. help...won't you please help me.....  please....
am i ee Sep 2015
dear kind reader,

humor is a very personal,
a very individual thing,
so,
i beg your pardon,
i never promised you a rose garden,

if the parlance of the street,
offends your nature so sweet,

i beg your pardon,
i never promised you a rose garden.

but this much i will confess,
funny i find much of this mess.

and i'd rather go to my grave,
with hearty laughter,
milk spilling laughter,
screaming ' yer killin' me!"
than any other way!
am i ee Sep 2015
the new shirt arrived in the mail today.

compliments of the United States Postal Service,
and i thank yew fer the speedy service.

thirty four dollars.
and i wonder...

should that have been better spent,
on
martinis for three?
food for the poor?
money for retirement?
sent to Nepal?
food for the dogs?
hard working aspiring slumdog millionaire?

the package
lies unopened....
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