since i've met you, the content of my writing has declined. you would think you'd inspire rhythmic phrasings of every lovey-dovey, cliche feeling you give me. but when i'm with you i can barely compose a sentence, let alone a poem. so i'm sorry if i'm no hemingway; you just take my breath away.

i don't know how to not think about you.
you're dancing around in my subconscious
brushing my hair out of my eyes,
burying your face into my neck,
tracing my veins with your fingertips.
you prey on my weakness.
you're calling me baby
i can't keep my focus
i feel your hands running up and down my back
i'm breathing heavy.
i don't know how to not think about you.

you have to bandage the wounds on your own
but i will be there to kiss your scars

when i smell the salt in the air and hear the waves crashing on the shore i feel your presence. you are in every cloud in the sky and in every molecule of rushing water. you are the sun beating on my back. you speak through the kind passer-by waving hello. you are in my mother telling me to watch for jellyfish and my sister begging to play frisbee. you are the sand between my toes and the salt on my lips. you are everywhere. you are present. you are now.

i'm good without you.
you're free to see people you'd have to pay me to see
i'd like to say i've moved on
but i don't think i was ever there.
so be wild,
take lots of photos
prove to everyone that i mean nothing to you.
i'll be laughing alone in my room
at reruns of 90s tv shows.
*** i don't have to prove anything to anyone
i am happy
i am alone
and i am happy.

i don't know what i'm doing
it is bad bad bad
but it feels so
good good good
it's like old times
but old times are what made me like this
because that is what they are - old
you let us grow stale
i know i will look back on this
and scold myself on my stupidity
because you left me once
and you will leave me again
but the worst part is
i know it
and
i am allowing it

you got scared and you gave up.
and for that,
i can never go back to you.