feel like this could be my real love
the good stuff
why does this feel so different?
if i feel it
i'll believe it's mutual
i can't be the only one
you must want me too
the only thing that i remember when you leave
is the feeling that i get when you're here
it's all a blur
all i see is your face
i don't hear what you're saying
i just feel the way you are
and that scares me
that's how i know it

He wore black suspenders
and was as tall as a skyscraper.
A dark green shirt and quirky socks.
I saw nature in his posture.
His eyes stung me at a first glance.
I know I’m young but my soul is old. His hands are magic on that guitar. His voice pierced.
Glances were exchanged and before the night fell I twirled out the door.
A smile and wave is what he’ll have as a memory of me,
just a passing girl in his world of faces.

I’m not a *******.
*******.
I’m sorry I still live here.
*******.
I wasn’t drinking your whiskey.
*******.
Now I’m drinking your whiskey.
*******.
You nearly ended us.
*******.
You make more excuses than I ever have.
*******.
You think you’re a queen.
*******.
I still love you dearly.
*******.
Every word you say is distasteful.
*******.
I could write a book with your negativity.
*******.
You inspired this negativity.
*******.
At what point did you turn into such a *****?
*******.
You say I’m worthless and undeserving.
*******.
You used to get drunk and say sorry.
*******.
Now you get drunk and turn your cheek.
*******.
I’m sorry I’ve been such a detriment to our finances and everything else.
*******.
I’m sorry I’ve scared you.
*******.
Were you even scared?
*******.
I believe you were.
*******.
Yes, I smoked a cigarette in the house.
*******.
And no, I didn’t go upstairs and take your stupid ******* blanket.
*******.
Get over it, you ****.
*******.
I’m sorry for using the C word.
*******.
****** and **** are two words you have shamed me for using.
*******.
Keep listening to radiohead, especially the songs on the ******* radio.
*******.
I tried to show you a song I wrote and you listened and I appreciated it.
*******.
I saw the number 222 just now.
*******.
I’m not trying my best but at least I’m ******* trying.
*******.
Spiritual experiment, my ***!
*******.
I don’t want to listen to you two ****.
*******.
I’m ending this now so I can sleep without nightmares.
*******.
I’m tired of saying *******.
*******.
I love you.
*******.
I feel sick typing it over and over again.
*******.
But really, get a ******* clue.
*******.
Stop living in your universally harmful demeanor.
*******.
Go to sleep and wake up a different person.
*******.
Not too much different.
*******.
Just not such a nasty *****.

I feel so helpless and weak
Taking words that they speak
I just smile saying I don't care
While I wish they weren't there
So I could let my guard down
Letting my confidence drown
It's not as bad as it seems
I've just lost my self-esteem
I wear a smile to hide it
I honestly feel like ****
I want to be strong like you
I want my smiles to be true

We couldn't save John Lennon
Cars with fins, or rock and roll
Change comes with time, ah, that's a given
We can't even save our soul

TV shows we all grew up on
All the poster girls we love
They all have disappeared
That's just the thing I feared
It happened when push came to shove

I keep my eyes open when I kiss you
I just have to see you near
Yours are closed,
that's the way it goes
I don't want to see you disappear
That's why I keep my eyes wide open
This may be a dream we're in
I have to see you there beside me
I could not live this life again

Cassette tapes and all those eight tracks
In the garbage they all went
They're with the comic books,
The one's your mothers took
To have them now is heaven sent

Fatty foods and concert movies
You can't find them any more
The food has gotten thin
The movies....in the garbage bin
The good times aren't just like before

I keep my eyes open when I kiss you
I just have to see you near
Yours are closed,
that's the way it goes
I don't want to see you disappear
That's why I keep my eyes wide open
This may be a dream we're in
I have to see you there beside me
I could not live this life again

Where are the good old games of pinball
Not the pacman sort of games
You know the ones I mean
You played them as a teen
And you still know all their names

Whatever happened to the music?
The ones we loved are in the ground
Elvis, he was the King,
the great ones all could sing
There's just so few of them around

I keep my eyes open when I kiss you
I just have to see you near
Yours are closed, that's the way it goes
I don't want to see you disappear
That's why I keep my eyes wide open
This may be a dream we're in
I have to see you there beside me
I could not live this life again

i just turned 17 and i bought a ****** e-cig
off some guy in venice.
it squeaks when i try to use it
and the vapor scares my cat,
and i’m in love with this girl who tried it
while she was tangled up in my sheets —
she said she hated it but hey,
i just turned 17 and i can’t be the only kid
in this city who doesn’t need a nicotine fix.
on thursday nights i stand outside coffee shops
with the ones who smoke those reds
and blues and velvet blacks
that come in wooden boxes like fine cigars.
i hate that scene but i’m addicted to it
because i just turned 17 and everything
about me is being reshaped like play-doh.
my mom calls it impressionable, i call it fearless.
i just turned 17 and i’d like to think i’m not as insecure
as i feel, but i had to move the full-length mirror
out of my room and nothing i do counts
unless i put it on instagram.
i just turned 17 and that’s the age all the
songs are about, the year of dancing queens
and cheap red wine and sneaking through
the suburbs to get to your girlfriend’s house.
i used to think i wanted to see the world but
i just turned 17 and i can’t stop falling in love
with the city i live in —
you can’t see too many stars here but it feels
safer that way, like i’m less likely to float into space.
tethered is a good thing to be,
at least until all the different parts of me
finally get strung together.
i just turned 17 and i’m scared the nicotine
can’t hide that i’m just a work in progress.