even when all you want
is to
trip
trip
trip
i want to catch you when you fall.

even when all  you crave are
needles
needles
needles
i still crave you.

even  when  all you feel
is
cold
cold
cold
you are still new to me.

even when you are gone
i love you.

i love you.

when my lips touched yours i knew it was a lie
but you never let me taste the truth.

when i saw you, my thrilled, sparkling eyes
never matched your red, faded ones.

when i traced the curves of your body
you moaned harder than you should have.

when you touched me
i finally felt right

but you were never there when you were with me
so i know that i am still wrong.

when my lips touched yours i knew you were a lie
but all i ever gave you was the truth.

Home was having my best friend
hold my hair back
because I'd had one too many shots.

Home was listening to him
play a combination of notes
that told the stories of lovers' pasts.

Home was kissing a beautiful dark-haired girl
and laughing because
her saliva tasted like sativa.

Home was a place of sunshine,
peasant skirts, reggae.
Boys covered in dreadlocks smiling up at me from their yoga.

Home was falling asleep
on Vicodin
and sadness.

but now I am just lost.

I hate everything
Vicodin doesn't get me high
The under-wire of my bra is cold
Punk is never coming back
My parents hated me
Some books are hard to read
Cigarettes made Janis even better
I need a cigarette
Bleach smells terrible
People go to work with wet hair
Four people were murdered in my city
I have a rash on the inside of my elbow
She didn't want me back
Women have to shave
Pillow creases draw lines on my face
I want to go back to bed.

lines of blue
and indigo
drawn just under your skin.
the beginning sketch
of a human.
pumping your
sustenance all
the way
to
your fingertips.
hide the tip of a needle
in them.
our hearts beat
in synonymy.
i love your veins
even when you make them
collapse.
i love you
when you collapse.