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Amelia Oct 2013
I come from a place
Directed by a man with no front teeth
Who exhales sticky sweet smoke.

I come from a place
Where sobriety is not a default.
Where bad attitude is justified by the number of weeks clean.

I come from a place
That holds words like
methodone clinic
weaning
tapering
crank

I come from a place
where my mental health
is less important
than his.

I come from a place
Where my mother shouts at me,
"It's his fifth week, you have to expect something like this!"
"He's not in the right state of mind right now, let it go!"
"Temper tantrums are to be expected!"

I come from a place
That he leaves.
He goes to

the office
the gas station
get coffee
Because the initials N and A have
become ***** as he becomes clean.

I come from a place
Where addiction is the only "real" mental illness to them.
Where the sounds of pills falling down the drain
are matched with tears falling down a tired woman's face.
(Make that two)
tw: drug references, drug abuse references.
Amelia Oct 2013
x
i am afraid to face you sober.
i don't want to look into eyes that aren't dilated.
don't read me passages from your book about living clean.
i like you when you're high.

when you're sober you don't like me.
when she was sober she didn't like me.
why doesn't anyone like me.

i am not afraid of reality.
i am afraid to be your reality.
tw: drug addiction
Amelia Oct 2013
my head hurts
where am i
i smell like *****
...
not mine.
the walls are moving
but i can't hear anything.
took her away
the drugs took her away
ithought they were going to help me
you sadi they wer going to hel[ me
help me
where are you
are you with god
i wish i could see you
aire youi still beatuitful

**i miss you so much
christina, tw: drug use
Amelia Oct 2013
when i thought of you
i smelled rain
sunshine
wildflowers

but then you were gone

i began to smell cigarette ashes
coffee beans
generic hairspray

when i thought of you
i heard concertos
symphonies
angels

but then you were gone

i began to hear screams
iron grinding on steel
fingernails
on my chalkboard

you left me alone
and took everything good with you


                                                           ­                       *you ******
Amelia Oct 2013
you took a sip and spat me out
like bitter coffee
even though you didn't want me
you took some of me.

i left everything i am on your lips.

you smoked me down to a filter
but at least i was in your lungs.

you are a destination i will never truly reach
and i don't know how to stop driving.
Amelia Oct 2013
Sometimes
I get scared
that maybe
I don't like
the things that I like.

That my yearning
to be liked
has caused me
to lie to
myself.

The scary part is
I don't know
if I'm right or wrong.
Amelia Oct 2013
Don't lie to me.
Don't pull me into your *******.
The self-concocted issues.
You are not brave for pulling through.

You are a coward.

People don't want each other
for their
issues.

*****.
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