we don't have to do anything.
we don't have to go anywhere.
we don't have to talk.
we don't have to touch.
you don't even have to look at me.
just sit here with me.
because being around you...
when i am around you i feel whole.
i feel good, i feel alive.
and i know you don't feel for me
like i feel for you.
you don't want only me.
and i understand that.
i've come to terms with that.
just please.
sit here with me.
slow my thoughts and my pain.
because just being around you,
i feel good.
and i could use some good right about now.

I am with you.
I am here,
I am breathing,
I am fighting,
I am surviving,
and I am living.
For the first time in my life,
I am alive.
I am not going anywhere.

I have found my soul,
and it resides in a tiny Cessna.
Some people live dream to dream,
Me, I live flight to flight.
Just me, the sky, and my Cessna.
In that seat I feel whole.
Thank you for the journey today dear friend,
I long for you once again.

i have never before
had to fight so **** hard.
never before,
i have never been so surrounded.
so loved.
but i have never felt
so alone.
each breath feels like a mountaintop.
there isn't enough air,
i'm not strong enough.
all this time.
so much pride.
all rooted in my strength.
when i had nothing,
no one,
at least i was strong.
                                                                  it seems to have run out on me now.
i just want this to go away.
this feeling,
this agonizing darkness.
i'm drowning in it.
and i'm trying so hard.
so ******* hard to breathe.
but it's like no matter what i do,
no matter how hard i try,
this current keeps pulling me back.
suffocating me.
again.
and again.
it never fails.
i keep trying,
but i can feel myself giving in,
giving up.
my limbs are sore
and my soul aches.
it's all been too much
going on for too long.
                                                           ­                      something isn't right in me.
i just want to stand on a country road.
in the middle of the night.
in the middle of a snowstorm.
i want to see headlights coming for miles.
and i don't want to move.

i
live
in
constant
fear.