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amc Nov 2013
by a dear friend,
to imagine a dark room,
an empty space,
no windows,
no doors,
no escape.

she then proceeded to ask me
to tell her how it made me feel

i looked at her
and without an answer
asked how most people would feel
she said most people feel
terror,
panic,
they become frightened beyond imagine.
they look for an escape.

i simply nodded.
she again asked me
  how it made me feel.

i looked her in the eye
and said
that  dark room,
with no windows,
and no doors,
no escape,
it makes me feel safe.
it makes me feel comfort.
i gave her the most honest answer that i could.
i told her that it feels like home.

her eyes suddenly got very sad.
she looked at me and said
that that room,
with no windows,
no doors,
no escape,

she paused,
and i looked at her,
and she said.
how you feel about that room,
is how you feel about death.

and i simply nodded.
amc Nov 2013
I will stare at the back of your head.
I could sit here and stare at the back of your head forever.
You're so beautiful, angelic even.
Maybe you don't see it, maybe no one sees it.
                                                             ­                                                                 ­      But I do.

I'm not good enough for you.
And I know you understand that.
Everyone understands that.
I mean, just look at me.
I'm broken, I'm nothing.
And you.. you're an angel.

I just want to know... need to know...
what it's like.
What it's like to be that close to heaven.
You're the only way I could get there.
The only way I want to get there.

Your kiss, your touch, your gaze.
You are my heaven.
I just want to experience you.

I know,
                I just know that you don't ****.
I'd bet everything that you love.
I just want to know what it's like.
Just one time.
Just once, let me *** with heaven.
                                                         ­                                               Just once.

It's all I ask.
I want you, I need you.
So badly.
I need to scream. I need to cry.
I need you.

                                                           ­                                                                 ­                  Don't make me beg.
amc Nov 2013
You asked me
               to stop ignoring the thoughts in my head,
       to start paying attention to myself.

I don't think that you understand
                the chaos that you unleashed.
amc Nov 2013
I've got a bottle of Fireball.
I've got a bottle of Whipped.
I've got a 12 pack.
I've got three ***** calls on speed dial.
I've got a dealer three floors up.
All my vices.
Everything I could need.

But right now it's dark.
It's so incredibly dark.
It's empty and it's lonely.

So if I used that Fireball,
that Whipped,
that 12 pack,
a *******,
or a blunt from the dealer three floors up,

It could all end.
It could get even more dark.
Even more lonely.
If that is even possible.
Once I go there's no coming back.

All I need is a friend.
I thought I had plenty.
It turns out that I was so wrong.
I'm a convenience.
There when they need me,
but any other time I don't exist.
Not really.

I wish I could say they don't know,
how bad it is.
How bad I am.
But they do.
They're choosing to ignore it.
So are they really friends?
What a simple question with such a haunting answer.

It's taking all my strength.
Everything I have in me.
Not to reach for a bottle.
Not to make an easy phone call.
Not to light up that blunt.
It's taking everything I have to stay here.

When all I want to do,
is reach for that bottle.
amc Nov 2013
Take me somewhere else.
Somewhere beautiful.
Where this, all of this, is but an insignificant thought,

Take me somewhere that sings.
Somewhere that breathes.

Somewhere with joy.
Somewhere with panda bears on the ceiling,
and a floor of lava.

Take me somewhere else,
take me anywhere else.
Get me away from here.

Make it go away.
Make it all go away.
If only for the night,
if only for one night.

Just one night. With panda bears on the ceiling. And a floor of lava.

Take me somewhere that sings.
amc Nov 2013
Secondhand, broken down.
I've been claimed.
I've been beat.
I've been forgotten.
I've been stolen.
                                                                              I am no longer my own.
I belong to him.
I belong to them.
I belong to everyone.
                                   He took everything.

— The End —