Hot summer evening in the deep south
Cool tender breeze blows through my hair
Birds chirping and crickets singing a song of innocence.

"Here comes the Sun"playing on the radio
Carefree, running, laughing
Inhaling the smells of fresh cut grass, and wild flowers
Bathing in the afternoon rain

Resting and reading under the shade tree
He has been a loyal friend through the years
Climbing and hanging upside down on his sturdy branches
Playing hide and seek behind his trunk
Carving our initials into the bark
First kissed under the stars, sheltered by this companion of ours.

Simplicity, pure joy
Warmth flowing into our hearts and against our skin
Days that seemed to last forever
From sun up to sun down
Under the shade tree is where I am found.

As a child the frustration and aggravation we caused our parents counting down the days until Christmas or our Birthday.

And those afternoons in elementary school trying not to doze off while counting the minutes until the dismissal bell would ring.

The older I got the more I've counted my life away.
Count the years until 16 to be able to drive and be free.
Count the years until 21 to be able to drink and feel like a grownup.

Counting the months then years of the length of each relationship
Waiting to be wed.

Then counting the negative pregnancy tests over and over becoming hopeless that I would ever be able to count little toes and fingers.

Counting the tears that I shed for my husband, as the fairy tale family I dreamed of turned into a nightmare.

Counting the nights left alone, scared and waiting for him to return home.

Counting the minutes between each contraction.
Counting the moments before my miracle would arrive.
Then counting the staples in my belly where she had to be taken from my body so that we would survive.
Finally counting ten piggies and ten little fingers

Counting the hours and days daddy left us alone and scared in the hospital for him to party and drink.

Counting the paragraphs on the separation papers
Counting the steps to the court house
Counting the people watching as my romance and love was flushed away

Counting the almost endless nights praying for me and my baby
Counting her smiles, counting her wishes
Counting her Birthday's

Counting the moments I am blessed to be her mom
Counting the hours of work to be able to return home to her.
I will spend my lifetime counting.

We all know the story of Romeo and Juliet
But this is the untold story of another fair, beautiful Capulet
Rosaline as you may come to know
Met her demise at the hands of a Montague

She was the first object of dear Romeo's affection
But for dainty Rosaline, Romeo was not her selection.

He desperately tried to win her gaze.
She would only give hints to her hearts twisting maze.
Faithful to her vows of chastity
Another Montague held her key.

Benvolio stole her heart and won her affection
From first glance she was swept away, a true connection
Like the gentle lullaby of a nightingale
Her soul composed a symphony on his instrument could play

Kissed like the petals of a rose by the morning dew
A simple touch of his hand created a overwhelming sensation only they knew
Secretly inseparable, hidden romance
Their houses would not understand, so they took a very risky chance.

Until the day of that faithful fray between Capulet and Montague
Rosaline was caught in the crossfire of the two
Trying to keep the peace she lunged ahead
And at the hand of her true love she was dead.

He had not even a heartbeat to react.
Blinded by hate, a moment he could never take back.
Plagued by loss and despair
As if his lungs had been drained of air.

As the life left her eyes
He died inside.
Tragedy washed over their houses.
And in the end,
Hate won the war,
Love was left mangled and destroyed.

Even though our physical bodies have yet to be introduced,
I feel as if our souls have known each other for eternity.

What a strange, rare indescribable feeling
Almost like deja vu, this familiar stranger
As if we met long ago in some far off dream
A alternative reality, where only the spirit lives

Your voice, so comforting, music to my ears
A gentle soul that resides on the same wave length as my own
Someone who can relate and sympathize with the demons of past experiences

So much time spent searching, waiting
for a companion, a true friend
Missing a person I've never met
Someone to take the time and effort to truly get know my heart.

Someone to see past this exterior body,
To look deep into my eyes and see the beauty of my soul.
To hear my thoughts, cherish my dreams and wash away the torment of my past.

Could that person be you?
The hope it brings renews my spirit
Lifts me so high, my feet are no longer touching the ground.

Poppa's hands are wore and aged
They have seen a century of history
All the wrinkles and scars from the years
Life made it's mark, the world has issued its sentence.

Poppa's hands were once strong and steady
Sweating and bleeding in the fields
Holding the weapons of war, holding the hand of a fallen soldier
Gentle and Hard at the same time

Fighting the evil of a **** Nation
Protecting and Serving with every motion
Struggling to use a pen to write to his love at home
Wiping away tears, all at the young age of 17

Poppa's Hands are gentle and wise
Holding a baby with a twinkle in his eye
Watching the child grow, catching each fall
Supportive and harsh, strict and kind

Poppa's Hands held mine through the years
Guided me through his garden, working with the land
Running his hands through the dirt
Picking the fruit and vegetables provided by our lord

Poppa's hands gave to his fellow man
Always willing to lift another soul up
Poppa's hands supported my Nanna in her final days
Held and stroked her skin until the very end.

Poppa's hands are now to weak to move
Unable to lift his great granddaughter in the sky
Unable to climb a tree
Unable to be what they were once
Now I can hold my Poppa's hand and pray
Pray to guide poppa's hands to his true home

Thoughts, worries, dreams, and hopes
All running faster than lightning through her brain.
A constant stream down a raging river.
Twisting and turning, moving faster and faster
Every failure, every painful memory weighs so heavy it begins to crush what is left of her heart.
So many bricks she made over the years to build this wall around her true self.
The window to her soul has been nailed and painted shut.
Fear was the motivation
Fear of rejection, fear of loving without love in return
The fear if she became vulnerable or open that another heart break would **** her.
This internal struggle is her undoing
Compound with the worry of life, the pain to see the disappointment in her child's eyes.
The tears because she is too young to understand how cruel this world can be.
So helpless yet expected to be stronger than steel.
So in the light of day she hides the agony away.
Blocks the darkness of depression from her face
But in the solitude of the silent night, it bleeds through her skin, takes over her mind.
Until it consumes her soul, no rest, no easy escape
She wrestles through the hours of the evening
Only to wake over and over alone.

Stuck on this carousel of life
Unable to get free
Constantly going up
Or coming down
Round and Round we go

Makes me dizzy to look at the world as it spins
So fast that the scene of people becomes a blur
Constantly moving and changing shape

As a child it was awe inspiring
The magic the beauty of the colors
No worries of what is flying past
Just enjoying the ride
Smiling, laughing carefree and happy

The more we age, the more the fun begins to turn to worry
Instead of wanting to go faster
We wish we could slow down and enjoy every second
Freeze moments in time
Freeze emotions
Freeze memories

This broken carousel holds us hostage
To a world moving so fast we can't see
What beauty and joy lies directly in front of us
Until one day the gears will wear down
The paint will fade
and the music will stop forever.

No painful high heels
No tennis shoes
No flats

Bare feet on the sand
Running through the grass
On the cold kitchen floor
Skipping down the drive way
Sliding down the hallway
Jumping on the bed
****** my tootsies
Soak in the pool
Don't restrict my freedom
Skin on skin
Touch is so under appreciated
Feel every sensation, new and untainted
Like lying in a bed of feathers

Is it too much to ask for a warm embrace?
The liberating touch of love, a smile on your face.
I long for that unbridled infatuation,
Someone who can't take their gaze away from mine
A kindred soul, a undecidable connection
Someone to read me poetry, sing me a lullaby
Does that form of love even exist?
Fate inspired, immediate spark
That can't be extinguished even with a wave of strife
Selfless, unleashed, unbreakable love
The type that moves mountains, that stops the heart
Making those souls unable to be apart
In this world today is it so hard to believe
It once existed, no games, no drama
A simple exchange of a smile, or glance
That moves the sun and moon, and never looks back
Once it was so simple, so easy to do
Now seems so complicated, so hard
Too many choices, temptations, sins
Never loyal, always with wondering eyes
Why? What happened to true love?
Has it been taken away by the lust, and ******* of this society
Find me a old soul, one who lets all inhibition go
Worship and cherish my soul, and I will do the same
Believe in Fate, love, the unseen
All material worldly goods mean nothing,
When that is found, there I will be
A dreamer, a lover, a fighter
That is me.

It's an irritating itch that I cannot reach.
A nightmare that replays over and over.
This undying urge to search for love.

Addicted to the high that comes with new and possible forever,
Constantly looking under every rock, afraid that it has already passed me by.
Blind to warnings, lies or danger.
Seeking comfort, affection, admiration from a stranger.

Obsessed with this ideal, this fairy tale that becomes a drug.
Drunk off the thoughts, the memories of a love.
Drowning in solitude, I gasp for the sweet air only he can give.

Always wearing my heart and every emotion on my sleeve.
Exposed, Naked in a crowd.
So many scars cover what's left of my soul.
They bleed and reopen, still I seek something to fill this whole.
Screaming at the top of my lungs but no one around to hear.
Never truly finding it is my greatest and only fear.

Battles of emotion left their scars
Such a fragile, exposed victim
Awaiting a savior to protect from afar.

Through the unmarked path we travel
Alone and afraid of what awaits ahead
Every stitch of time begins to unravel

Unable to see in the dark that has enveloped us
Blind to every passing soul
Trapped by a  veil of resentment in which we are dressed

As the boiling metal starts to encompass my heart
Burning and painful, blocking out every sensation
Hardening around this *****, ripping it apart

Solid and Strong, no longer weak
A wall of metal shields me from the anguish of love
Unable to be vulnerable and meek

Let it stay as the armor of my most valuable *****
Remove every sense of love for another
The only solution, let it stay frozen.

Inside my mind you will find a reality only ideal for me,
Intertwined with the desire of the heart a wonderland is formed
Long winding roads that lead to nowhere,
Breezes so crisp and cool, flowing through your skin,
Surrounding every moment, sending tingles up your spine.

A wild sensual freedom, of dancing in the rain.
Covered by the gentle drops of water, washing away all sins.
Washing away all wrong, all sadness, all pain.

Awakening of the soul, the taste of a first kiss.
Continuous sensation, moist, wet, sweet, as lips meet.
A warm embrace, lost in the company of strong loving arms
Safe and sound, never to be let down.

Colors of emotion surround every minute
Dark Blood Red passion
Pale ocean blue serenity
Bright blinding white light of hope
Glowing green of  generosity
Deepest night of black bitterness
Watch as the colors change  like a cameleon.

Mazes of experience will change perception
Reality of mine own, worlds created by the imagination
Lost in a ocean of thoughts, a sea of memories.

One second will be ecstasy, the next depression
Sickness of a tortured soul
Surrounded by the faith of a hopeless romantic
I am a lover of Love
Searching the world for one soul, to trap inside this reality
To see the world as I see
To become the defender of my dreams,
The soldier of my heart.

Hidden behind the makeup of society
Painted faces gaze as they tread through life like a zombie
Bright colors camouflage the emptiness behind their eyes.
Airbrushed smiles cover their faces that are emotionless underneath.

No substance, no depth of spirit
Fake kindness, rude and cruel compliments
The sweetest words pour out like poison
Puppets strung up by their own insecurities.

Sad and deformed clowns on this stage of reality
The play is so routine they perform without any cues
Drunk off attention only the audience can supply
Becoming so inebriated that no function of self control exist

Plastic dolls arranged in a row
Uniform and neat
No uniqueness, No imagination
Positioned and moved by riches and cold hard cash.

Funny how a building with four walls made of brick becomes a home.
Becomes almost like a member of your family
The memories seep deep into the paint
Hopes and dreams fill the air in every room
Every tear shed, every laugh shared, every scream in anger, every lonely evening, all bundled up and all that will remain
Now after almost 8 years my home is being taken away
After fighting for a hopeless marriage, surviving a ugly divorce, and the worry for this single mom, its all being snatched away.
I tried my best but no help was offered from this cold world, of banks and money and power.
Where I am only a number, not a person
They don't seem my struggles, they don't seem that I have spent my life trying to help my fellow man, regardless of the pain it may cause
All that is left are boxes of card board line the walls
Every photo removed
Every memory packed away
Every mark on the door showing how my little girl has grown
The driveway she rode a bike in for the first time.
The room I rocked her to sleep in
So sad to leave this old friend behind
So hopeless and frail are the now empty walls
So eerily quiet are the rooms once filled with love.
Once filled with lullabies and songs, laughter and fun.
Dancing in the kitchen
Making pallets and forts on the floor.
All gone.

The world wants to condition my heart
To conform my soul into a blank slate
Molding with experience and disappointment
Gradually shaping until it is frozen in stone.

Motionless, empty of emotion
Paralyzed by society
Left to view the beauty from outside
Through jaded and cynical eyes
Never allowed to experience depth of love I so long to feel

Cursed to be a by stander
Constantly searching
People watching
Longing, yearning for fate to step in
Waiting for what seems like eternity

Slowly sculpted into a statue of my former self
Void of color
Drained of hope or inspiration

All the love stored away for that "one day" is gone
Frozen in ice
Cold to the world
Resolved to dwell in my prison of solitude
Away from betrayal and lies
Never again to feel
Letting no other soul close to mine.

Standing in a wide open space.
Alone and vulnerable to a hunter's desire
Grazing without a care
Seeking out the most compromising climate.

She seeks his stare through a target
Watching and anticipating her every move
Her heart beats faster than a speeding bullet
Why fight it? Why not give in?

She desires to be hunted
To be sought out in the forest of humanity
To be the prize catch, his only ambition
His all consuming infatuation

Even though it may mean her end
For a moment before, she will be totally free
So free from the fear and rejection
So free from the hunger and pain

Once her heart takes it's final beat
Her life was not a waste
For a brief moment she got her request
The prey desired a hunter and he got her at her best.

I have no monetary wealth to give
No gift of gold, frankincense, or myrrh
No diamonds to shine or rubies to sparkle
My gift is one of the heart
My gift never goes out of style
and will never go bad or loose its grandeur
The only gift everyone wishes to have returned
A gift that if shared will multiply and spread to the entire species of man.

My gift to all is the kindness of an open heart
A promise to lend a helping hand
A kind work of encouragement
A hug when you are feeling blue
A ear to lend and to listen
A shoulder to cry on

A promise to you all
To be a friend to catch you when you fall
To never let you feel the sting of solitude
I dedicate my life to the goodwill of man
To not let a day pass by without giving a smile to a saddened soul
A compliment to a broken heart
To uplift spirits in any way humanly possible.

Even though my gift may seem small
I offer it to one and all
May we not waste a moment or take for granted how beautiful the gift of life can be.
May an example of love and kindness that was born in a manger fill our hearts and spill out into this cruel world.
Merry Christmas to all!

For:
A person once noticed in a crowd.
A confident young girl with the world at her feet.
A dreamer who believed she could save the world.
The free spirit who followed wherever the wind blew her.
The singer, who may not remember every note.
The rockstar in the bathroom mirror.
The lover of language.
The bleeding heart of a humanitarian.
The nieve teenager.
The believer of promises.
The innocense lost.
The future journalist.
The wife who never had a husband.
The vain reflextion in every shinning surface.
The painter of worlds.
The doodler of notes.
The princess of the apple trees
The tomboy covered in lace.
The brave captive of twisted words.
The enlightened empress
The solitude of a silent sister that brought peace.
The queen of correct
The fighter of the feable minded
The deep thinker lost in her darkness
The mother of happiness
The old soul trapped in this body
The sensative spirit that feels more than the eye can see.
The sleepless gaurd of our home.
The hostess of friendship
For all is me
For all you will see

Almost unbelievable how fast a human emotion can mutate
One minute is filled with visions of love and a future so wanted and deserved
The next is a nightmare of deceit, betrayal and heartbreak

Am I to shut off my humanity, become cold and calculated?
Guarded to any emotion good or bad
Self preservation, lock down what is left of my heart?

No one is to be trusted, selfish uncaring, heartless being
I was tangled up in the words you fed me, in your web of lies
Struggling to get free, unmovable in the thick substance bonded to my soul

How could I be so blind?
The best Casanova I have every encountered.
Too good to be true.

That’s ok, take your victory
For you have won the battle not the war
I will come out on top and be much stronger than before.

After years of emotional abuse from a man I thought loved me
After  a lifetime of comparing my body to supermodels in magazines
After decades of staring in the mirror and being ashamed of what I see
Trying to hide from public, Covering the scars with makeup and hairspray
Painting away what I saw as ugly
Too fat, Too round, Too curvy, Too thick
Double chins and a belly that never disappeared after giving birth
Society stained my soul
Made me question every piece of clothing I bought
Made me nervous to go in public
Provided anxiety that was paralyzing
Transformed a fun loving young girl into a scared and unstable women
Constantly unable to stop comparing myself to others
Looking for someone to see my true beauty, when I couldn't even see it myself
The hardest lesson I have had to learn in these 33 years on this earth
Is how to love myself, truly
I may seem narcissistic to some, because I do like to have a photo taken
But that is not because I see the beauty its because I constantly am seeking approval and admiration from others that I have be unable to provide to myself
I am done living in the prison in which I have created
Time to let go of all expectations and really be free
Free to be myself
Free to love my body and every scar present
Free to show others my soul, my heart
The true self that resides inside this earthly body
The spirit which posses more that any exterior could show
To be able to see the amazing light given to me by our creator
To be able to look in a mirror and see the love it took to create me
The love that is more beautiful than anything material in this world.

Mommy please make other kids like me
Mommy please take away the sting of rejection
Mommy please make it easy to be me without constant judgement
Mommy help me to not worry
Mommy please take away my boo boos
Mommy please mend my broken heart
Mommy please show me how to survive in this cruel world
Mommy please keep me safe from harm
Mommy please show me how to follow my dreams
Mommy please tell daddy to stop beating on my self esteem
Mommy please tell him to love me and not always see the wrong in me
Mommy please help me to get his attention
Mommy please make me whole again
Mommy please don't cry when I go to sleep at night
Mommy please keep praying for me
Mommy please keep watching over me as I dream
Mommy please make it easy for me to learn
Mommy please help me to focus and sit still
Mommy please always tell me you love me
Mommy please never leave me

Left here ages ago
Imagination glides away
To a foreign land
A civil war battle field
Two lovers concealed in shade
Brave natives hunting
A million lifetimes ago

Notch in the oak tree
Has a limitless amount of possibilities
As to how it came to be.

Sharpe edge of an ax
The beaten point of an arrow head
Stabbing of a knife in anger
precise blade of a sword
mark of a bayonet that missed its target

Some thing that has been passed by with no notice
Becomes a new world a new life
to this creative mind
Close my eyes and I am transported to a demension all my own.
And the notch becomes my inpiration.

Pigtails and lollypops
Little pink bows tied perfectly in my hair.
Swing sets and monkey bars
Mary and her lamb, Bow peep and her sheep
Younger memories of simple days long before the aging haze
Clear as a rainbow after the storm
Innocent as Dorothy and her little dog
Years fly by in the twister of life and love gets to be tough
As every scab is reopened and begins to bleed
Baby dolls and lincoln logs
Big Bird on Sesame Street
Once these things meant the world to me,
Now they are only flashes of light on a picture in my mind
Little tea ***, isn't short and stout andymore
All her strength and innocence has been poured out
Jumping the rope of pain every day
Not knowing when to stop and play.

I would trade a million memories for a moment with you.
A lifetime of complacency for a second of bliss in your arms.
Eternity of heart break for a minute close to your soul.

I would wander the earth til the end of time,
lost and forgotten to experience one kiss from your lips.
Sacrifice every material treasure to just hear the sound of your voice.

Comb the world for centuries until my path intersected with yours.
The vastness of my heart can only be filled by you.
The magnitude of every emotion exceeds beyond my wildest fantasies.

Find myself tumbling into an intimacy like the world has never know.
Eyes closed plunging into the reality where only we exist.
Gravitating closer and closer until eventually our bodies connect and become one.

Currents of passion flow freely between our skin.
Every sense is heightened
Every emotion translated into touch, kiss, heat created by friction.

Scintillating, exciting, consuming ecstasy ripples through our bodies
Until the line between us no longer exists.
Light fills the room and every dark memory of the past is eliminated.

Like a paint brush to a canvas, you smoothly, gently stroke the colors of rapture
across every inch of my body.
Intoxicated by your gaze
I give every bit of my body and soul so easily to you.

My heart races and the ground begins to quake
Sparks fly and the eternal flame is ignited.
As your lips discover every line, every uncharted territory of my body
I slip into a euphoria
Tingling, soft chills fill my limbs
Taking me to a height of pleasure that radiates and washes over me.

Complete for the first time
Joined as a whole body connected on a much deeper level than the physical
I melt into you and surrender my existence to your will.

In the flash of a memory I am transported back in time,
To the first time we ever met, seems like a eternity ago.
I remember up until that point boys had cooties, but
When we met that all changed.

I can still see that cute, sweet little boy who caught my attention.
Sitting in a desk in front of mine.
I remember waiting until recess to play and sing.
A sweet innocence of youth that we shared.

Then as the years passed by we went down different paths.
But even though you were not in my sight I often wondered
How you were, where you were, did you ever wonder about me too.

Then fate crossed how souls once more, over twenty years later.
When you walked in the room, all the memories flooded my heart.
I knew you face, would have recognized you anywhere.
The same beautiful smile, the same kind eyes.

Automatically we picked up right where we left off.
The connection between our souls remained, even after the miles
and years apart.
What a blessing to have you return to my life.

Conversations lasted for hours, glances burned into my brain.
You are forever impeded in my heart.
Friendship and love filled the empty void.

We keep in touch and you have been my shoulder to lean on
My confidant, my defender, my voice of reason.
Now once again this cruel world has separated our earthly bodies,
But you need to know, no matter what the situation, no matter how far,
no matter how hard the road ahead may be,
My heart is with you,
My soul speaks to yours in a language only we can understand.
I am here, and always will be.

So young and beautiful you were as a child
With the sweet smell of kindness in every heart you grew wild,
Not one patch of earth could resist your charm,
And in your eyes no slimy **** could do you harm.

With each season a new bud would bloom,
No rain cloud could steal your sunshine or bring you gloom.
You watched over each blade of grass you could see,
They were your children who loved you unconditionally.

But in life all things must have an end,
Slowly your petals began to turn black.
You wilted away never to come back.
Your radiant light will be missed,
My lily, my grandma, my friend.

Countless nights on my knees, hands folded in prayer
Pouring my heart and soul out to my maker
Trying so hard to be patient and wait
Finding it to be a never ending challenge to try and tame the desires of humanity.
The weakness of the mind and body
Only wanting to escape the sins of this shell and find the one soul to fulfill mine.
To love a spirit is to see beauty not only on the surface but see it resonate from within.
Lighting up every inch of skin from deep down
The longer you stay in their presence the more gorgeous they become.
Your eyes no longer see exterior
They find super human powers to fully see through this hollow hunk of flesh into the celestial being living inside.
No many get to truly experience this, but when you do it is a miracle.
This type of love is transcending all others
It makes the world change and causes there to be peace where there was once turmoil.
Illuminating a once dark and sad place
Washing over every moment with hope and contentment

Because my heart I wear on my sleeve
Exposed, helpless, visible for all to see.
Each hope of new love,
Every dream of a happy ending
Naked in a crowd of leeches
Watching, waiting for their chance
To bleed it dry of every emotion,
To **** away the desires of a pure soul.
Using their main weapons of silky words,
Promises of paradise
Whispers of eternity
Sighs of ecstasy
Shrouded by empty vows of love.
Blinding my reasoning with every embrace
Every kiss filled with the poison of deceit
Your touch leaves me paralyzed, empty
Left with a unquenchable thirst in a desert of lies.
Left with nothing but an unfillable void
A Black Whole devouring every vision of fate or hope
Desperatley wanting to believe every syllable

Cold and uncaring world outside of your skin
Frozen humanity, frigid stares, empty minds
Frostbit by the snow of this dying society
She runs, trips, leaps in desperate search for warmth

Before she succumbs to their tempting icy gaze
Sliding by each false reality, skating by vagrant dreamers
who have lost all hope of reprieve
Where is her salvation, her sun
The arms to wrap her in fire

In an instant she is melted by his feverish kiss
Passion ignites in her heart, he sets her soul ablaze
Lingering finger tips glide over her pale white skin
Soft, sensual, the steam rises from every part of her body
She basks in the glow of his heart, the sound of his voice
The smell of his skin, the gentleness of his embrace.

Flames burn in her eyes only for him
Uncontrollable, instant masterpiece of us
Layers of daydreams, inspiration floods her mind
Union of two opposite elements that create this new and unique unit
The beauty seen through his eyes, translates to the words
that leave her lips.

Together they are more vibrant than a burning star
Hand in hand in a reality all their own
Blind to the outside common world
Deaf to the sounds of ignorance
Transforming experience to art and words to images of rapture.

Lord give me strength
To face the day.
The will to fight for love in anyway!

The power to strike evil out far from me.
To be strong and brave
Keep my eyes open so I may see

The good in all who pass by.
To value truth and extract the lies.

To think and feel before I react.
Only Ackknowledge the facts.

God, make my spirit light and
Keep the devil out of my sight.

As your hand caresses my face
Your skin converts to velvet
Every sense has been awakened
Every second of time lengthens to hours

The warmth of your touch
Envelopes this cold heart
Wraps it in a tornado of fire
Washing over me like a soft summer breeze
Resurrecting emotion and lust

Vulnerable to every whim
Fumbling for words, unable to speak
Mesmerized by your gaze
Awaiting breathless, for your next move

I close my eyes and concentrate
On every single touch
On every sound of your breathe and mine
Anticipation will be my end

Eyes are covered
Hands are bound
Sound has been silenced
Numbness washes over every inch of skin and tissue
Sorrow has become my air
Self pity my fuel
Misery my only companion
Locked in my mind, a move replays over and over
Reliving every failure, every loss, every disappointment, every lie
Drowning in what if
Suffocating in the darkness of the past
The light of day brings no joy, only aggravation
The endless chatter of the world becomes a sting to my heart
A torture to endure.
A overwhelming tug at my heart strings
A feeling of future turmoil
The pit of my stomach physically hurts, Pain
Waiting for an impending doom
Lost without a shred of hope
Why has my faith betrayed me?
Why can't I shake this feeling?
Feels as if I am living in a nightmare never able to awake.

Alone he sits in an empty pew
Enveloped in the silence of his mind
Old aged wood creeks and echoes through the sanctuary
As he drops to his knees
The only light is a sliver of sunshine cascading through the stained glass
portrait of a savior
Creating an almost heavenly glow, illuminating the hope buried deep in his soul.
He begins to pray but is interrupted
by the devious acts that plague his past
Haunted by decisions
Marked for eternity by the path he has chosen to travel
Memories and regret flood his heart
How can he be forgiven by his creator if he cannot forgive himself?
Blinded by guilt that has ridden havoc on his physical body and his spiritual soul
A small whisper tickles his ear
So faint, so soft
Like a lullaby sung to a small child
Where does it come from?
What is the source of its existence?
He recognizes the melody but can't remember the words.
An hypnotizing tune that drew him to this very place
Faith, however faint and tiny
Fleeting breeze it may seem
Has taken root long ago
It grows and replays its tune like a broken record
Beckoning to the listener
Pulling at the fiber of his very being
This man is humanity itself
And faith need only a single note
to become a glorious symphony and lead him to the answers and forgiveness he so seeks.

This situation was not of my choosing
We were abandoned and left to survive on our own.
But I gladly accept this challenge.
To be both mom and dad all in one, to love and cherish
To be good guy and bad, to be friend and foe

I'm the one you see alone with a baby on her hip,
In a store or at an restaurant, trying to juggle the world.
Just us two, no one there to lend a hand, no one there to understand.
I cry in solitude, my thoughts are not shared with anyone but her.

I will sacrifice all my worldly wants for her every need.
And in return I will receive blessing beyond compare.
I get to hold her hand, kiss her cheek, brush her hair,
watch her grow, guide her steps and always be there.

Her smile is my reason to breathe,
Her hug is my air, and her love forms my very existence.
Her laugh turns every gloom of depression into a smile of happiness.
Her voice speaks to my very soul and eases every trial.

As a baby I would watch her sleep
Wondering what dreams filled her head,
Praying that I alone was enough,
To love her, support her , teach her and mold her.

That will be my life's work
To always strive to be the best mom I can for her
To cherish every moment we share, and never take her for granted.

Shaded by the facade of chivalry
You walk into a room with confidence and vanity
Cloaking the eyes of every female present

A wolf in prince's robes
Playing chess with every heart that you see
For pure enjoyment and satisfaction

How could a touch be so cruel?
How could holding my hand in yours mean nothing?
Touch is your weapon, your mask

Skin on skin
The stroke of my arm, you blind me
To all the deception you are feeding me

Absent of emotion
Using my own heart against me
Exposing every weakness in my soul

Your treacherous touch has broken
The glass surrounding my free will
Burning like a flame

Scaring every future embrace
Soiling my image of intimacy
Unforgiving scar, lasting for eternity

There is no material possession that could come close
To the most valuable feeling I so desire
The true meaning of Christmas
The true meaning of life
What we all seek
Yet some never find

To find my one true love
My other half
The completion of my heart and soul

To wake to the smile of him watching me sleep
Warm, soft, secure feeling of being held in his arms
To be able to finally hand over my heart, to the one I know will
Never betray it, who will keep it safe at all costs.
The one who would gladly give their life for mine.

Eyes to stare into mine
And really see my soul
The darkness and the light
Able to fully be free with another

A kiss, so wet and long that it takes my breath
Every morning and every night
Someone to be silly and laugh
Someone to never forget
Someone to cherish every memory and every moment with

A lover and a friend
True intimacy
The hand to wipe away tears
To lift me up when life has knocked me down

My muse, my inspiration for life
The subject of so many of my works of art
Someone who thinks of me more than anything else in the day
Who dreams of our lives together
Our adventures and our endeavors

My partner in crime
To explore and discover new together
How I yearn for him
How I pray for him
How I wish and dream of him

Waiting is agony
Day after day
Year after year
Slow torture of loneliness is eating away at hope hope left

Where is he?
Where is my Christmas gift?
Where is my happy ending?

My own worst enemy is residing inside my rib cage
She fights and tears at the flesh to escape her prison
Throbbing and pounding blocks out all sound from the outside world
With every social encounter a blinder is applied to all negative
She blinds the brain and takes over all senses of the body
Desperately searching for kindness and acceptance in the face of evil
She can transform the most gruesome, slithering, conniving demon into an angel of mercy
Her gift is her never ending curse
She plunges recklessly into the shallow waters, drowning, waiting for a savior to provide her breathe
A ravenous ache settles deep with in her soul
The objective of her existence is to locate devotion of another
Regardless of how many times she is trampled to the ground in the process
A gluten for her own punishment
Continuing to open the wound and pour salt in it, as soon as any sign of healing has occurred.
Forever seeking solace in another is her affliction
Fabricating false hope in each new encounter
Composing the tragedy of her own demise
Analyzing every flaw, every imperfection
Tormenting herself over and over
Until her body is rendered motionless
Numbness sets in
Allowed to reside for a stint
Until she is entrapped by another devil
Doomed to continue this cycle

I've found solace in your arms.
Found my heart in the reflection of your eyes.
Found redemption in your kiss.

All my life I have prayed for you.
Imagined the sound of your voice, the shape of your face.

Knowing that the moment we met I would recognize you instantly
No doubt or question that you are my other half.

Sweet, soft, slow tingling sensation that fills my body and replaces the
blood pumping through my veins.

Hypnotized by your gaze,
I forget every heartache, every bit of pain I have ever felt.

Unable to resist your charm,
To control this smile that starts in my soul and radiates through my face.

So similar in spirit, we complete each other.
Predestined encounter has forever changed my life.

I knew your heart, your touch before we ever came face to face.
Two garments made from the same cloth
Our souls were joined before they every came into this world.
True Soul mates.

My hand fits perfectly into yours.
Like a lock and key
You have opened up a whole new world to me.

Endless possibilities, breathe taking moments, and grand adventures.
Abundant blessings shown to us with every new day.
Our future is being revealed page by page.
A true fairy tale.

Closer and closer our bodies collide in a fire of passion,
Pulled in tight wrapped completely in your embrace.
Our lips meet and the world stands still,
Gentle, sweet, moist, warm
Like silk sliding over my skin
All thought is erased in an instant
Enveloped in the moment
Heart pounding, body shaking
Our mouths join together in a dream of bliss until there becomes no beginning and no end
Rubbing, moving in a motion steady and strong
A kiss has removed all inhibitions
we speak in a language all our own
Opened the gates that guard my heart
Eyes shut tight, breath of two souls joined into one life giving emotion
Hands hold and caress my cheek as they run through my hair
What a beautiful experience
Transported to a era of time when a kiss ment so much more
A kiss was the beginning of a fairytale
A kiss of true love that was so powerful it could save a life
When a kiss as this moved boulders and changed the world.

No man has ever touched me with such finesse such ease
As if I am the only woman he desires to please.
The soft caress of your hand on my face
I want to stop time and live in this place

Never have I been truly kissed, as if I am a lost treasure
A brief but breath taking sunset
Gentle, tender and soft
I feel as if I am a delicate flower, vulnerable, exposed
Held with such care such warmth
The dance of your lips against mine
More beautiful than ever imagined
Like rose petals smooth and supple against my skin
At the sound of your voice my heart is soothed
Most times leaves me speechless
Trapped in my head exploring the endless possibilities of us
Imagination running wild, untamed, primitive
Heart pounding so loud I feel as if the world can hear
Short of breathe for once in my life
Unable to see straight or see anything other than your smile

Live in the jaded shadow of your sins.
Never let the sun in.
Sacrifice all that dwells inside.
Searching endlessly for a safe place to hide.

Pray for a savior.
To resurrect your soul.
Sinking deeper into the corrupting, immoral hole.

Build up your crystal palace laced with lies, molded with blood.
Human flesh to decorate the layers of death that create a flood.
Of unrested spirits who stay within the confines of your mind.

Give it up, Let it go
The torture of each moment only you know.
Fighting with yourself between fantasy and reality.
Images too disturbing for the sympathetic eye to see.

Give it up, Let it go
Release the demons and let love show.
Replace the evil with angels to guard your heart.
To protect you and let the healing start.

Because I never got to say goodbye
This letter is all the reasons and feelings I kept inside.
I took for granted our youth and the promise of tomorrow.
Now every day I am drowning in this sorrow.
I thought you would always be there, always care, always listen, always be my shoulder to lean on.
I never imagined in the blink of an eye you would be gone.
This is the hardest letter I have ever had to write,
I just hope you know my heart even though you are no longer in my sight.
Every moment that became a memory is so very precious to me.
Even though our time together on this earth was short, I will cherish every laugh, every smile
every sweet word you gave to me.
The time we spent in Virginia was like heaven to me.
Walking hand in hand.
Laughing, talking, sharing, embracing, kissing
The rest of the world ceased to exist.
Or the walk through the park as you put your arms around me to keep me warm.
Or Sunday afternoon having coffee and conversing for hours.
You gave me hope and another way to view this cruel world.
You gave me strength to finally stand up for myself,
even though I never told you .
You brought out the best in me.
My world is so much darker without your light.
You had the kindest heart.
I will miss you always and I pray that I can hold the memories of you
like a movie in my mind to play over and over until we meet again.
Know that you took a piece of my heart with you.
I love you Jonathan. And I will hold that love in my heart until my days on this earth have ended.

In the silence of my room
Deep in the night lost somewhere in a dream
The warmth of  your breath reaches my skin

Not sure what is reality and what is my imagination
I hear the low soothing sound of your voice
Whispering all the words I long to hear

I swear I feel the heat of your body pressed against mine
Taste the sweetness of your kiss
Every inch of my body tingles with anticipation

I fight not wanting to open my eyes
Scared that once I do, reality will set in
And you will be gone

So I lay there in the dark
Overcome by thoughts of you
Emotions you bring forth in me
Feelings never felt only imagined

Standing in the shadow of the day
Enveloped by the darkness
Petrified to step into the burning light
Watching humanity self destruct
from the comfort of my shadow
The sadness and guilt drive me closer to the edge
Wanting to just put one hand out
To try and save even one soul from destruction
Even though I know that doing so will only leave me burnt
Still I cower in my solidarity
I lock away all the inner decay
Hoping that by hiding it from the light will make it go away
So cold and lonely here
Yet I find the pain familiarly soothing
This shroud of emptiness and resentment have become my cloak
Sheltering me from the dagger of society piercing what is left of this heart
Sparing me the rejection of others
And the judging eyes of the hypocrites that fill the streets of hell
Exchanging only brief glances
Screaming out for help with a single stare into the eyes of another
Praying that someday someone would see the sadness and rescue me
Only problem is I am surrounded by demons not angels

You are my very existence.
You hold my beating, throbbing, mangled heart in your hands.
I am in constant awareness of your absence when your body is not with mine.
I ache for your touch
I hold my breathe between the moments of communication between us
You are my breathe
You are my eternity, you are my dreams and wishes
You represent everything good in this world to me.
I know at times I get lost in my own head, my thoughts seem to gravitate to the worst possible conclusion of every issue.
I know I can be short, and seem cruel or unfeeling
My greatest weakness is not thinking before I speak
But my greatest strength is having you to understand me and love me anyway.
You give me a power unlike anything I have ever felt
The ability to not apologize for being me, the removal of expectation, the freedom and support to follow my heart.
Knowing you are standing beside me, makes me invincible, immortal
For every characteristic I lack you possess
For every attribute I fail to express, you are there to show me how
My teacher, my protector, my lover, my best friend, my confidant, my heart, my soulmate, my fate, my faith, my hope, my partner.

Contrary to what society has bread the world to perceive
There is no privilege set to any human born to this earth
There is no just reward for the righteous here
There is no slumber for the fatigued souls
There are no streets paved with gold
Some may claim all the wealth and worldly goods
Yet death comes to all and no wealth can abstain it
The toil of each day falls on us all
No matter the color, the size, or shape of the mass
Gravity pulls us equally, discriminates against none
Dare to bare your soul
Which knows no boarders or limitations
Dream to walk together in heaven along a jeweled path
Where the limitations of earthly existence hold no sway
Bask in the light of the only true gift
Let love be your professor
Let the spirit guide your every movement
Search your very essence to discover your talent
Each individual has so many, if only society would allow it to be shown
Shown with out fear or rejection
Free to be what our creator intended.

I have been lifted from the solid ground
The existence of you in my life has sent me over the edge
Falling from the cliff in free air with no sense of reality around

Head over heels, lingering in the freedom of your smile
The world had disappeared and your gaze envelopes my soul
Every minute that passes, sends me down this path for miles

Time no longer exists in the realm of your embrace
Ever after seems attainable and waiting for us
Filled with hope, faith and joy in each and every space

Uncontrollable movements direct my every thought
My heart is beating so fast, it’s almost going to stop
Vulnerable and helpless emotions unable to be fought

Leaving behind every shred of doubt
Accepting the gift of finally being free
The restraint of the this cold world removed and ready to breakout

Basking in the warmth only you provide
As I fall miles away from the doubt of my past
Finally safe and sound by your side.

Its a pain that I'm unable to explain.
Physical yet emotional all in the same way.
To the outside world its invisable and non-existent
But inside there is a stabbing, gut wrenching pain.
A blade being ****** through my abdomen over and over again.
Until nausea over comes and chokes me close to drowning
The very organs that make me a woman are poisoning my blood, my life force
Every emotion is magnified, intensified
made into a life ending dilema
Every nerve throbbing, transferring through every part
Making my legs weak and my heart race
The blood running through my veins has become acid
Alone in this prison of emotional and physical hell
No tender hand to caress my cheek
No soothing, comforting words to lul me to sleep
No strong arms to wrap me up tight
No soft lips to kiss me goodnight
The darkness of solitude is seeping in
To encompass and destroy any small bit of hope left
Fate has cursed my every move
Tarnished every hello, expecting and waiting for the goodbye
Destined to wallow for all eternity in my own tears

Stone silent drifting in the moment between sleep and awake
That is where we meet again
Even though my eyes are closed I see you clearly
As if you were still here with me, holding me tight

I feel the soft velvet touch of your hand on my cheek
Lost in this ghostly dream
Floating to the ceiling from a simple memory
Your body may be here no longer
But your energy, part of your heart remains with me.

Why can't I let you rest in peace
Why do I dream of you so much
In my thoughts day and night
Enamored by your ghost, tortured by time

To my sweet daughter:
I may not be able to come to every field trip
Because mommy has to work
I may not be able to attend every class party
or every school holiday or every PTA meeting
I want you to know in my heart I am always with you
Even though this life has dealt us a complicated hand
I will do the best I can to be everything you need me to be.
Mom and Dad all in one, provider and parent
My heart breaks that I am not able to always be there
Not able to give you the world like I wanted to before you were
even born.
Know your love fills my heart, know I would lay down my life
to protect you.
Know that I would sacrifice every thing weather it be possessions or persons
For you.
At night I watch you sleep and wonder and pray
That one day you will understand, one day you will see
how much mommy worried for you, wished for you,
How hard mommy tried to be everything
I am sorry sweetie that some days I find myself so
exhausted that I barley have the energy to play
My mind constantly races all night long and all day
Making sure I did everything I needed to for you that day,
making sure I can save for school things like pictures, book fair,
summer camp, valentines. I never want you to go without, and I
promise I will do anything I have to so that you don't have to experience
that feeling.
And if you get a boo boo I will always be there to kiss it and make it better
And if someone breaks your heart I will be there to hug you and buy you
ice cream to make it better.
Seeing you smile lights up my life, is my reason for living
Even though its just mom
I promise that always and forever I will love you
Never dessert you