I rack my mind from dusk til dawn
Filtering through a lifetime of memories
Some incredible, some dreadful
Some bring joy and belly busting laughter
Others bring a river of unending tears and pain
Where did I go wrong?
I surrendered every breath, every beat of this heart.
I freely sacrificed my soul
My every atom fully to the love of my life
My miracle, my reason for living
My every dream come true
My daughter
All I am I give her
All I know I teach her
All my heart belongs to her
At some crossing I took the wrong path
I let her down, I broke her heart unintentionally
Now stuck in this deep dark forest of my mind lost, deep in the weeds of this cruel existence.
Her hand slipped out of mine, I’m stumbling, I’m blind and falling over my own feet.
Searching through the darkness for eternity unable to find her.
She was stolen from me
Evil of social freedom and lies of this ugly reality have snatched her out of my arms.
What is left of her I don’t recognize
Someone with only distain for her mother
Blame is now my hell
Contempt surrounds me and envelopes the love that once filled my being
Bitter taste of disappointment stains every sustenance
No rest, no salvation
My mind is my nemesis
No chance of redemption
No matter the length of my penance
Eternally pleading for her to return, persist in my directive
Screaming and wailing to god for one sign of love, one smile from her, one small glimmer of hope. To be left alone in my darkness, praying until my voice ceases to exist.

You are my very existence.
You hold my beating, throbbing, mangled heart in your hands.
I am in constant awareness of your absence when your body is not with mine.
I ache for your touch
I hold my breathe between the moments of communication between us
You are my breathe
You are my eternity, you are my dreams and wishes
You represent everything good in this world to me.
I know at times I get lost in my own head, my thoughts seem to gravitate to the worst possible conclusion of every issue.
I know I can be short, and seem cruel or unfeeling
My greatest weakness is not thinking before I speak
But my greatest strength is having you to understand me and love me anyway.
You give me a power unlike anything I have ever felt
The ability to not apologize for being me, the removal of expectation, the freedom and support to follow my heart.
Knowing you are standing beside me, makes me invincible, immortal
For every characteristic I lack you possess
For every attribute I fail to express, you are there to show me how
My teacher, my protector, my lover, my best friend, my confidant, my heart, my soulmate, my fate, my faith, my hope, my partner.

Pure joyful intoxication
In the presence of his body and soul
There I have found my paradise
Giddy and full of anticipation
Every nerve, every sense is stimulated
Blissful, in complete surrender to his commands

Playful yet purposeful
Jovial yet sincere
Ecstasy and intimacy like never before
His touch starts a fire burning deep in my soul
through every motion, every sweet yet sensual kiss
Brings this scarred spirit to life

Indulging in the flesh
Deeper than any connection in history
Addicted to this euphoria
Craving more and more
Wanting to revel in the feeling of two bodies becoming one
Drunk with desire
Hungry to experience all that he has to offer
Desperate to remain in this embrace
Unable to wipe this foolish smile from my face

This soul is experiencing an awakening like never before
Years of straining to please the masses
Decades of being lost in the world of judging eyes
Condemned by every heart she had allowed close
Driven insane by the words that replayed every minute of every day
Relentless scratching on this chalk board of reality
Torture that seemed to be her eternity.

Rescued by the sun
A simple caress of her cheek , the sweet sound
the vibration of his voice
So easily untied the ropes of life that had strangled her soul
Strange stillness has replaced the chaos of her mind
Tranquility washes over her

Peace settles in to take root
As she watches as if she is a by stander to her own life
Watches every inhibition
every fear, every thought of failure
fall away like magic

He is her missing puzzle piece
He is her balance
He is her dream
He is so unlike any before him

She catches her breathe at every encounter
In awe of the man standing before her
Amazed by the serenity he provides
Which to her is the greatest gift in the world

Standing in the shadow of the day
Enveloped by the darkness
Petrified to step into the burning light
Watching humanity self destruct
from the comfort of my shadow
The sadness and guilt drive me closer to the edge
Wanting to just put one hand out
To try and save even one soul from destruction
Even though I know that doing so will only leave me burnt
Still I cower in my solidarity
I lock away all the inner decay
Hoping that by hiding it from the light will make it go away
So cold and lonely here
Yet I find the pain familiarly soothing
This shroud of emptiness and resentment have become my cloak
Sheltering me from the dagger of society piercing what is left of this heart
Sparing me the rejection of others
And the judging eyes of the hypocrites that fill the streets of hell
Exchanging only brief glances
Screaming out for help with a single stare into the eyes of another
Praying that someday someone would see the sadness and rescue me
Only problem is I am surrounded by demons not angels

As the chill of winter begins to fade
The trees begin to show signs of new life
Flowers begin to bloom and reach for the glowing sunlight
I sit on my back porch on a warm spring evening
Gentle breeze blows through my hair
My eyes drift closed and the smell of new born honey suckle plants
Paint the breeze with a light sweet fragrance
I am instantly taken back 20 years into my past
Days of carefree fun, playing as a child
Climbing trees, skint knees
Riding Bikes til dark, Exploring in the woods
Me and my brother frantically hunting for the biggest and sweetest
honey suckle on the bush.
Even for a small moment my innocence is returned
Intact and as if it never left me
Oh if I could live in that memory, true and unaltered happiness
Free and easy
Effortlessly moving through life on a wave of honey suckle breath

Why do I sit and ponder and analyze every aspect of this life?
Spending hours and days contemplating my place in this world
Day dreaming of how I wish my life had turned out
Imagining the day that fate will finally show me favor

Why are some people easy to leave behind but others break you to your soul?
Why do we want the ones who don't want us?
Why is that I can't bare the thought of not having you in my life?
Why can't I see the reality in front of my face?
Is it just a chemical reaction that causes the bond I feel?
Is it all in my head?
I feel as though I am losing what is left of my sanity
I would live through a thousand heart breaks to be in your presence
Would endure any pain that may come from this decision
With ease and pleasure
why?

Why do I seem to seek those who take my love for granted?
Those who use and abuse me
Why do I always look for the other shoe to drop?
Why can't I at least have contentment?
Why is happiness so brief and fleeting for me?
Why do I see only certain people through rose colored glasses?
Why am I cursed with an imagination so vivid that fantasy and reality begin to blur?