Alone against the world.

She stays up at night watching the moon and the twinkling stars.

Be careful, they say she thinks about everything.

You know you're alone,
when you're surrounded by people,
but feel empty inside.
Or when you sit down in a class,
and nobody wants to sit by you.
Both are different,
but the same.

When you post on social media,
and nobody cares to respond.
When it takes all of your courage,
to talk to someone new.

When you wake up,
and know that nobody would notice,
if you just disappeared.

Clawing at my stomach
Worse than butterflies
A swarm of bees
I want to puke
Head in a whirl
Nobody notices
It's like I'm on a roller coaster
When your stomach drops
And you feel weightless
Or when a plane takes off
and you feel the pressure.
You feel as if
you might crumple
Into a ball
And disappear

Because
its
late
at
night
and
I
need
someone
to
save me
from
myself

Bon Iver
Soothes my irritation
I look out the window
The beautiful mountains
Undulating with
The sun's rays and
The dark contrast
Of shadows
Against the
Blinding white snow.
It's a good day
To be alive.
The sun tells me
That there's always goodness
Even if you can't see it
Because it's hiding behind the clouds
For a minute.
The sun will always come out.
It's a good day
To be alive.

Help
There's someone on
My chest
Sitting there
Laughing.
I can't breathe
Struggle for air.
I'll soon be gone
If I don't get help

Sometimes
when I look in the mirror
I want to cry.
I see my flaws
with my ugly eyes.
My legs always touch
and then there's my chest....
it's not much.
My arms could be thinner,
but I'd have to go
without dinner.
My belly,
it always pokes out.
Don't you see
what I have to cry about?

We all have energy
radiating from our cores.
Sometimes
we meet others
who's energy
is similar to ours.
They talk,
and we talk
and our energies combine.
Lucky us when it happens,
it's seldom in a lifetime.
When you're talking to someone
and they just GET you
it's like you don't have to even explain
all the **** you've been through.

Go to sleep child
Wake up tomorrow with a new day ahead

Eyes sore
Begging me to fall asleep
But not without some tears shed before
For no reason
I'll die a little inside
Goodnight
Goodnight

Kiss my sadness away
Tell me
Tomorrow's a new day
Please oh please don't go away
Or else I don't think
I'll be okay

Out bodies are close
I pull him even closer
He makes me feel whole

Makeup hides my flaws
But doesn't calm the storm inside
I appear "just fine"

Am I crazy?
For wanting to go outside
And lay down on the asphalt.
Feel the cool roughness against
My back.
To run my hands along the ground and feel the rocks tarred together.
To look up at the sky and see the rain clouds overhead.
To feel the chilling breeze
Teasing my hair
And whispering in my ears.
To feel the ****** of raindrops gently falling on my face.
To hear the rumble of cars nearby and know that I am in their path.
I don't wish to die, but
I like the thrill.

What's the point of life
When you feel like you don't matter.
When you spend a little extra time in the morning,
And nobody notices.
Because nobody cares,
Unless your pretty or dying.
And I'm not either.
I'm just in the middle.

Have you ever zoned out,
because you're thinking too hard,
or maybe not thinking at all.
And your eyes go kinda fuzzy, and you feel
calm.
You are not thinking about what you're staring at.
You feel calm.
You can feel your pulse,
and your chest rises
up
and down.
It's like everything is okay for a moment.
Then you blink,
and your calm world is gone.
Ripped out from under you.
And you're back in the real world.

I love the night sky
but it makes me feel
so small.
To look up
and see the vast darkness,
so massive and beautiful.
To see the glimmering stars,
and wonder what it would be like
to be up in space.
Its overwhelming to think
that there are over 500 billion galaxies.
I'm only one person.
One small human,
on a tiny planet.
The whole world is moving,
and I'm just standing still.

And if I lay down my head,
yet again,
maybe I'll dream of you.

Because seeing you in my dreams,
is better than not seeing you,
at all.

Everyone said this would be hard,
but I didn't know...
that losing you
would be losing me too.

Because when you left,
you took a part of me.
The best part,
when I was happy.

Here's to you my love,
I miss you so.
I'll see you in my dreams tonight,
I'll never let you go.

Do you ever rub your eyes so hard that
you start seeing the galaxy.
Mostly black
with flashes of purple and
other lights.
You can see,
even though your eyes
are closed.

I want to go there
I want to be weightless
I want to disappear

Those lazy days
Weird days
Tired days
Like when you stand up too fast
and you're trippin
on space and time
Or when you are so tired
and you stare at something
but you're not thinking
about that something.
Your mind is blank
and your eyes are heavy
And you feel light
and heavy at the same time
There's pressure on your eyes
and you want to sleep.

"Goodnight," I say
as I close the door,
and the boy leaves my apartment.
I slump against the door,
my boney back poking into the
undulation of the door.
I regret everything.
Again.
This isn't the first time,
that this has happened.

Why do I do this to myself?
When he told me,
he loved my body...
it helped fill the void a little.
But those words,
were empty,
just like my feelings towards him.

I'll do anything to fill the void.
I'll do what it takes to feel pretty.
I'll do what it takes to be called beautiful.
Because that's what matters,
right?