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1.2k · Jun 2011
needy.
Amber S Jun 2011
i'm needy.
but i hate saying it.
not once, have i admitted it out loud.
but on paper...at least it seems
somewhat safe.
you see, with the people in the past
they would know
and they would run so far
away
that there was no hope for me
so, i decided to shut the world out
be independent. because love
just wasn't worth it.

but...now i am in need again.
i am in need of you.
i am in need of your kisses.
i am in need of your embrace.
i am in need of your tongue.
i am in need of your laugh.
i am in need of you.
you.
you.
you.

if i said this to you
would you run away?

i'm afraid to tell the truth
but the truth is...

i am needy. i am greedy. i am selfish.
i want you. all the time.
i sometimes think my head is
going to explode
because you are there, always.
my thighs ache.
and i become delusional.
i need you so much.
a day seems like a year without you
oh.
i.
need.
you.

yes, you will call me crazy
yes, you will shake your head
and yes, you will laugh
but i hope you will understand
after all, this is your fault
you started it all
and now, you must take responsibility

you must...no, you have to.
you have to say you need me too.
or i will no longer survive
you have to breathe me in.
you have to be on fire without me.
you have to miss me so much.
you have to realize that no one else
can make you feel so alive.
you have to realize.
because if you don't,
i will fall apart

there is no more rational.
logic has been long forgotten
all i know is
i need your love
i need you.

please say you need me too
1.2k · Jul 2011
beautiful women
Amber S Jul 2011
beautiful women are not women
with flat stomachs
beautiful women are not women
with perfectly perfect white teeth
beautiful women are not women
with airbrush skin
beautiful women are not women
who's hair is not even their own

beautiful women are beautiful
because of their pudgy tummies
beautiful women are beautiful
because of their crooked teeth
beautiful women are beautiful
because of their moles, scars, and freckles
beautiful women are beautiful
because of their hair that explodes in rain
and cannot be tamed with a hair brush



beautiful women.


there are so many in the world.
1.2k · Nov 2013
we're only young once
Amber S Nov 2013
walking with wedges always seems like the best, until
you’re walking home at seven in the morning.
i still taste cold pizza and the pina colada hookah.
i waited for you to breathe me in like the vapors,
youth has never tasted so beautiful, love.
i used to think i was the period in every sentence,
but you’re the comma and i’m the semi colon,
we’re never ending, sticking between awkward
phrases and short cut
sentences.
he never sunk his teeth so deep, and i am so bruised
i think my bones are bleeding.
youth has never tasted so beautiful, love.
i did not feel alive until five in the morning, when all i could feel
were his fingers digging in my cells, searching for everything
i thought i could never become.
i never felt this alive in his arms, and now i see all he did
was pull the blindfold until i saw inky blackness,
pushed the pillow in my mouth as i continue to cough up chunks.
let me run through the soggy leaves, breathing in the crisp air until
i collapse.
youth has never tasted so ******* beautiful,
love
1.2k · May 2014
solar cheeks
Amber S May 2014
i know it’s such a cliche thing to say, to tell you your
eyes look like coffee mixed with cream, but your
hair reminds me of pennies sitting at the bottom of
rivers. and your shoulders feel like the mountains i stumbled
through in New Mexico.
i know it doesn’t make much sense to say your tongue contains
unreadable syllables, but your fingers create lightening,
and before you touch me, there’s thunder rumbling through my
sternum.
and i think the solar system is within your cheeks,
and those tears you spill have all the diamonds i could ever
want.
i know it’s such a cliche thing to say, to tell you your eyes
look like coffee mixed with cream, but you taste like
sunshine.
1.2k · Mar 2012
giant
Amber S Mar 2012
i'll give you this much:
you sure know how to kiss
warmth traveled in my veins
and my stomach did something like
a backflip then two somersaults
you know how to be gentle
reading my uneasiness,
my trembles,
my gasps,
my want.
your tongue is patient
your hands rough
with old scars and stories forever hidden
underneath your lion rumble
you were once my giant
and i the small girl
we traveled among fields of wishes and sunflowers

your kiss feels right.
but my heart is no longer here.

my giant. my love.
one more kiss. or maybe two.
just for now.
just for now.
1.2k · Oct 2013
beastly
Amber S Oct 2013
no, no, love,
tonight, we are going to become the monsters
we hid from when we were
small.
do not be polite, do not kiss softly,
make me bleed, make me vacant,

let’s release our demons.
Amber S Aug 2013
it has been two and a half months
(really it’s been seven years, three months,
fifteen days, twelve hours, five minutes and thirty-three
seconds)

but my jacket is back.
(except it smells like you)

acoustic guitar, the redolence of ****
and mistakes pungent in the sort of summer air.

but my jacket is back.
(except it tastes like you)

i felt your footsteps, imagined the way your fingers
held my hair, tight, yanking. a doll with loose threads.

but my jacket is back.
(except it looks like you)

your teeth reminded me of the oceans i could never find,
your eyelashes like razors begging to slice me open.

but my jacket is back.
(except it feels like you)

it felt heavy in my bruised hands, your hug
was a boa constrictor killing prey. main course.(dessert)

but my jacket is back.
yet when i wear it,
all i can think is you mounting, hands
rigid, your fingers venom.

i cannot breathe with it on
1.2k · Dec 2013
dramatics
Amber S Dec 2013
let’s pretend that my flaws are my
best qualities.
that you’re dependable, and your
shoulders will not shake.
let’s pretend i didn’t swallow his
nectar.
let’s pretend the marks upon my scruff
originated from my
callused fingers.
let’s pretend i can only ***
with
you.
that your spit wasn’t scratched upon
her pale fat thighs for almost 2
years.
let’s pretend that my lungs are steel,
and my ribs are made of
diamonds.

so if you wanna kiss me tonight,
kiss me hard so i can taste your
mistakes,
with a touch of plasma.
choke me until i’m on my knees,
confessing my sins.
hot like peppers.
cold like the snow we fell in.

we can never return
to that
night.
1.2k · Mar 2014
zigzag
Amber S Mar 2014
the city winds had ****** me up and spat me back out,
and i thought i was so hip and unknown, with swirling
leopard prints and black gloved hands. a boy by my side
that looked at me with thunderstorms.
the city buildings shadowed me and protected me from
the truth attempting to leave bruises on my
buckled knees.
a tourist in uncharted waters, a damsel
who continuously puts herself in
distress.

my hair was Medusa, his fingers were
Dionysus, and when they fused,
our Mount Olympus was created, tasting like
berries and scratching at snake bites
scabbing and itching to be
reopened.

his kisses tasted like nostalgia.

i’m an american girl who is super glue, affixing
herself on whatever will stay long
enough.
1.2k · Mar 2014
buoyancy
Amber S Mar 2014
if i am a cloud, than you are
the bolts between the vapors.
with wool spinning between my canines,
i’m eating the white fluff like cotton candy.
your flares ***** holes through my dripping
crystals.
cumulus merging with stratocumulus,
cherry hues making love with
sunset oranges.
if i am a cloud, than you are the rain
droplets resting within me,
the sun rays shaking and quacking in
me
1.2k · Jan 2011
leeches
Amber S Jan 2011
we were never friends.
we were leeches. *******.
feeding
the life from each other

exhaustion
that's all i ever felt afterward
you would speak to me

how did i not notice?
the smoke, like snakes, swirling
around you?
your eyes suddenly narrow, red?

how? how? how?

did i not notice
the knife hidden behind
your back?

oh, i saw the knife finally
but only.

only

when it was wedged deep in me
and my own blood

surrounded me

what a stupid game we played.
no straight answers.
headaches.
late nights.

waste. waste. waste.

i bet you enjoyed yourself.

yes, we were leeches
but you were the fatest one
******* every drop i had
until i was dry. dry. dry.

with your lovely eyes
and smile. you'd
convince me.

why was i blind?



i'm free now, did you know?
i sleep. i eat.

i live.

and without you
life has never been better
1.2k · Oct 2013
full circle
Amber S Oct 2013
sometimes i just want to chop all of my hair off and dye it a deep purple,
but i know even then i’ll still like the
sound of spoons clinking in mugs
and i’ll still cry when i hear styrofoam
squeaking past.
sometimes i just want to buy a ticket for nowhere, anywhere,
leaving no letters, no goodbyes, but all my things neat
intact. and i will have nothing but the clothes clinging to me,
ten piercings, three tattoos, and a body too sluggish for someone
so young.
sometimes i just want to wake up at four in the morning and see what color your eyes are
when the sun hits them a certain way, with bursts of gold and specks
of pixie dust.
how do i always end these with you?
i don’t know what i want, but it always seems to be
you. you. you.
1.2k · Jul 2013
hidden
Amber S Jul 2013
"Tell me a secret."

I cannot *** with my eyes open. (Especially when it’s with someone)

"No way."

I still believe that one day you’ll tell me you love me.

"Why not?"

When I’m driving, I imagine swerving into the other lane. I imagine what color your eyes would be when you find out.

"I can’t."

I cannot let you inside my anatomy anymore, for twice is far too much. Your touch creates asteroids, and I am struggling to place layering upon the craters.

"Tell me a secret."

*Your eyes are still supernovas.
1.2k · Mar 2012
crumble
Amber S Mar 2012
i tried my best,
or at least i thought i had.
with tactless fingers, i grasped the bricks
and jammed them
together.
days oozed into nights
five days, four nights.
it was awkward, imperfect but it would do.
but someone tore it down
he appeared from nowhere, with a hammer
as large as a lion. the bricks feel in one
clumsy sweep.
i tried again.
but this time with bricks and barbwire.
i placed the barbwire on top of the bricks,
in front of the bricks, under the bricks.
slicing my skin open once or twice.
my blood marking the territory,
i grinned in satisfaction
until another destroyer emerged
he knocked and banged. he hit and yelled.
so close. so close.
but not quite.
cracks in the bricks, the barbwire tore here and there.
more, i thought. more. more.
so then came the sheets of metal.
my muscles sung as i lodged the walls into the dirt.
i bathed in sweat but
i couldn't stop until i was done.
the walls secure, the bricks more or less together.
the barb wire sharp and deadly.
i stayed in my little house. my little cave. my little sanctuary.
with too many books and cat hairs
and i was content.
except for the hole clearly visible on my chest.
each day it widened.
i threw baggy clothes, blankets. it grew and grew.
you came along suddenly
you knocked politely at the front gate.
you whispered pleasantries and
begged to kiss my eyelashes.
i refused. i yelled. i shook my head until i rattled.
you persisted. you wanted my fingers, my insecurities,
you wanted it all, placed in a pile beside you.
crumble. one piece of the wall broke.
crumble. another.
crumble. and another.
and before i knew it your hands grasped my wrist.
before the tears escaped, you licked them up.
before i could speak, your tongue muffled any sound.
oh, the hole.
it closed, and closed and closed

"stop acting so brave," you whispered to my chest.
no walls. no walls.
but always tools nearby. just in case.
just in case.
1.1k · Oct 2013
storm
Amber S Oct 2013
remember when all we had was each other?
i wake up with the same joints creaking, but this time
thunderstorms applaud through my
spine.
my lips haven’t kissed yours enough, and i’m so parched, parched
parched.
poker face, but you have flipped through my every chapter,
every volume, swallowed the covers.
remember when all we had each other?
i’m terrified

that there’s so much more than
you.
1.1k · Oct 2013
i want candy
Amber S Oct 2013
boys lips are never like yours,
darling.
yours are two peach slices, with a
pop rock in the center.
sizzle, fizzle, dissolve.
fireworks, explosives in our mouths
till the comets reach our eyelids.
boys lips are never like yours,
darling.
their tongues throttle,
yours the snake between the bushes.
teeth unfurnished,
yours insatiable.
boys lips are never like yours,
darling.
yours are the candy that i’ll chew
until i’m sick.
1.1k · Jan 2013
sticky
Amber S Jan 2013
"how bout a goodnight kiss?"
maybe if i had another sip of the liquid jolly rancher
or maybe if it had
been a
dream.
your callused hands were never mine to hold.
please, don't stare at me,
i need a place for this bucket of salt,
and you need a doctor for your wounds.
(i can't lick them up anymore)
"just a peck on the cheek, okay?"
still too much.
(i saw your heart throbbing in the flesh)
the sticky red, under my fingernails
persistent,
like you.
i was never yours.
i was never
yours.
Amber S Nov 2013
i fall asleep at six in the morning on weekends,
but through the weeks i collapse as as soon as
ten.

i think ***** has become my new lover,
he leaves hickeys, caked like dried
paint.
he doesn’t disappoint, slurring in words
heavy and foamy.

you are mad.
(because i no longer need you)
but i will crave you until my insides
**** the earth.

maybe that is why being sober for too long
scares me.
we always preach about never becoming our
parents, yet before we realize it we are talking, eating like them.
my mothers boots are too tight.
i think your fathers fight just right.

you miss me now, because all you have is my ghost.
and i hope she haunts you every step of the way,
because for three years you
haunted
me.
and i still can’t fall asleep without
drowning within
you.
i hate sleeping alone.
i hope you do too.
1.1k · Aug 2013
the gates
Amber S Aug 2013
i might not believe in a higher power,
but jesus i think i see heaven
when your lips erupt
over
me.
1.1k · Dec 2013
pups
Amber S Dec 2013
i think i noticed you when all the clouds were forming
above my eyelashes.
almonds, dinosaurs. shaky fingers,
unknown province.

tourist among my terrain.
the grounds are disfigured, but it’s
in between the crowns you find the
gems most miss.
the runnel will flow if you penetrate
precisely.

bars with anonymous desires blatantly
painted across my stomach.
a scarlet E.
for everything. everyone. earth tremors in your pores.
say my name enough times that i see the letters
on your tongue.
awkward puppy love,
i’m whining until you scratch behind my ears,
clutch my scruff hard.

your growls will turn to howls if i try hard enough,
and i feel your frissons entangling with my DNA.
awkward puppy love,
i’m licking your face until you squeeze me,
i’ll give you love bites if you stay one more night.

awkward puppy love,
can i keep you forever if i give you
sheets, sustenance,
***?
1.1k · Oct 2013
tethered
Amber S Oct 2013
i guess i got wings inked on my shoulders,
because i think i’m some walking talking
stumbling
paradox.
one day i’ll fly away,
but crash into buildings, scraping elbows among
shattered car windows and
street lamps waiting to
die.
i’m a **** growing among rusty brick buildings,
admired, but confused on which way to
grow.
i am the sock that has no match,
i do not fit, the one puzzle piece that cannot squeeze.
sticking out awkward, desperately clinging on.
no more questions, no more assumptions.
you laugh because i have wings,
i cry because all i see are
feathers.
1.1k · Sep 2013
Leah.
Amber S Sep 2013
her name was Leah, and she had
brightbubblegumpinkhair.
she was flawless in all the ways i wanted to be,
she was broken in all the ways i thought i was,
like a vase that never sits right again.
everyone else gasped and stirred at the pink puffy lines,
but i found them beautiful. a work of art.
a masterpiece in a museum that is crooked and never set
right again.
her name was Leah, and she scared me,
like a lion with no cage. her eyes were hurricanes that had
pillaged and destroyed and conquered and vaporized.
we baked cookie soup, and i only saw her teeth once.
(they were like white shells found lodged in the sand)
i wanted to kiss her arms and run my tongue along the pink,
see if she tasted like burnt toast and rubbing alcohol.
her number used to be lodged inside my brain,
i memorized it instead of listening to people speak inside white walls
with chapped lip stick and perceptions of nonsense.
her name was Leah, and she had
brightbubblegumpinkhair
with a gun locked and loaded.
we lost touch. i started to be sane (that’s what they call it, at least)
i imagine the gun
her brains kissing pavements and secret filled walls.
are they as pink as her hair?
1.1k · Feb 2013
7 shots
Amber S Feb 2013
disappointment is like that 7th glass of ***** you shot back.
in the beginning, the transparent liquid seems enticing, your heart beats
with new rhythm. (your glands water, your pupils dilate)

1 shot in, it burns…but slowly disappears.
instantly your brain forgets, your vein longs for the torture

2nd shot in, the burn is like fire, your lips smack with disgust
but you can’t stop there

3rd shot in, you taste the gasoline at the pit of your stomach,
fueling the flame that you know will eventually eat you alive

4th shot in, your brain is sending signals, telling you to jump
while you still can, but your arteries silence it, and all you can do
is laugh

5th shot in, people’s faces blur, your tongue is thick with regret.
your stomach is ready to empty the lies you previously swallowed

6th shot in, the floor moves. you have to hold a chair to steady yourself. people’s voices sound like boom boxes at full volume. you cover your ears to stop the pain

7th shot in, you’re on the ground, watching the ceiling float away. you
feel the previous shots try to find a way out.

disappointment hid itself in that 7th shot, entering your bloodstream quick and painless. you are lethargic, your head pounds like construction during a too early of a morning.
you sink into the couch, into the carpet, trying to regain previous emotions, movements.
disappointment travels your veins, gleeful with the free ride, the new
habitat.

(at some point, you’ll have to get rid of him)
1.1k · Sep 2011
cotton candy thoughts
Amber S Sep 2011
i sometimes have a big feeling
that i think too much.

thoughts swirl like cotton candy in my
brain. there's no end to it.
at night i lie, eyes wide open
i watch the thoughts as they
fly across the darkness of my lids
sleep finds another door, shaking an
angry fist toward my direction
my lips lift in a surprised smile
and i collect my thoughts in my hands
i caress them. i compliment them.
i kiss them.
"thank you", i say.
for, without these thoughts
i would be empty.
empty.
empty.
1.1k · May 2013
summer freckles
Amber S May 2013
“i hope i never lose my *** drive,”
the wind tickled as i brought my nails to your
freckles.
your fingers found my back pockets,
burying deep and grabbing,
people watched. you smirked.
“not possible”
1.1k · Dec 2013
fake it till you make it
Amber S Dec 2013
drunk *** is more logical,
you moan things you could never say sober,
your moves fumble but end with awkward
names shout out and nails
filled with blood and dead skin cells of people you
don’t want to
remember.
drunk *** makes more sense to me. because i feel more
****, more alive, yet more devastated.
so when i’m ******* you, i’m trying to ****
out the problems i can’t seem to
erase.
don’t take it personally. well, that’s what people try
to tell me. yet i take everything personally.
(i’m working on it)
i’ll keep having drunk ***,
and trying to mend the bruises that i crave for,
trying to bandage the heart that i can’t find the
beat for
anymore.
people tell me they don’t understand why i’m crying,
and all i can say is,
same here. i don’t get it
either.
Amber S Jun 2013
I have a white tank, see through,
and I like to wear leopard print bras with it.
(neon ones, pink ones, ones that scream
looklooklookatmemememe)
Je veux faire du pied a toi
‘I want to play footsie with you’
it smells like you, after fifteen washes.
‘I want to make out with you’
it is wrung from where you gripped and spread
‘I want to *******’
it used to fit so well,
but it hangs like a torn shower curtain.
it is hard to breathe with it on,
because I cannot think of anything else except you
fuckingmeinit.
the words are frayed,
an ashy blue with speckles of snow white.
such a cool shirt, I used to think.
but you bit through it, with wolf fangs,
bit through until you punctured my skin,
drained me until I was nothing but a sac of helpless
skin.

It has French on it,
(so ******* witty)

I

want

to

forgetyou.
1.1k · Nov 2013
starry
Amber S Nov 2013
cure yourself by finding another boy, one who wants to hold
your fingers as you lose yourself in flaxen
starlights.
cure yourself by singing until your throat chafes
like sandpaper.
cure yourself by telling yourself that you are the moon,
and the moon is you, and she is laughing with you,
shining for you, waiting for you to glimmer.
cure yourself by finding the right people, the ones who
grasp you with splintered paws and souls
searching for whatever tastes like bubblegum.
darling, you won’t be cured right away,
take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute,
don’t forget to watch the sun
rise, to smell the coffee with shaky fingers.
cure yourself by watching the cream dance with the
shadows.
bruises are only
temporary.
1.1k · May 2013
metamorphosis
Amber S May 2013
you lick me clean,
(no need for seconds)
i am dinner and desserts,
wrapped in one.
i have metamorphosed.
(you chipped and cracked until
the cocoon fell and shattered)
sticky air kisses my collarbone,
you slurp the salty water because no one can
satisfy you like I can.
the fields tingle through my old bones,
the lakes shiver upon my friable vents.
i am free, darling,
free only when i am with you.
1.1k · Mar 2012
devour
Amber S Mar 2012
trail my fingers along my thighs.
nothing like the graze of your
honeyed tongue.
dig my nails into my skin.
doesn't compare to your fervent teeth
on my collarbone.
whisper your name into the dark.
if only your storm sea eyes
could look at me.
and dazzle me.
and drown me.
and devour.
devour.
me.
1.0k · Nov 2012
love bites
Amber S Nov 2012
the marks formed by ruthless tables, i can live without.
the bruises blossoming from falling too many times,
are of no beauty to me.
the scars from too many lost battles, bring joy
(for a little while)
but your marks, bright and vibrant.
your bruises, beautifully blue, yellow and purple,
are my new tattoos, the gun, your teeth.
the scratches etching my back, my blood under your nails,
my cells speckled.
this canvas, your work of art.
this exhibition, your dominance.
none other shall stain me.
i apply the pressure, perceive the throb.
come back, my brute, my savage, my demon,

love bites, i seek.
love bites, i need.
1.0k · Dec 2010
ferris wheel
Amber S Dec 2010
i must be such a fool

to think you had changed an inch.

i must have pulled out the razor
again
and slowly dragged it against
my skin

because i must be a fool
i come back over and over

this silly ferris wheel needs to stop
because when i see you.
you're the same
your eyes trick me. but what else is
new?

your words seem comforting.
but then you push me away.
and i'm once again on the ferris
wheel

round and round. your face appears
in fragments.

i swear i'm going crazy
you promise me
but it's only filled with
emptiness

and unless the buzzing sensation takes
over

i mean nothing to you.

i was never the one with problems
but i created all of yours

you're my pain. you're my nightmare.
you're my revenge.

you're my greatest fear
1.0k · May 2011
music
Amber S May 2011
music. there is no description for it
i could spend endless amounts of time
thinking of every word that fits it
but the only one that fits, for me is
alive.

music makes me feel alive.

bass pounding, words screaming
i wish i could dance all day and all night
the music urges me, it tells me
to sing as loud as i can and
dance as hard as i can
soft guitar, voices whispering
my soul responds with hunger
more. more. more.
the voices penetrate my mind
the rhythm and melody raise goosebumps
tears in my eyes. from pain? happiness?
i don't even care.

lose yourself.
when music is on, i am gone.
i have left this world and entered
another one. a better one.
a world full of endless love and beauty
in this world, anything is possible
in this world, i am sara bareilles
and i have a voice
that angels would be jealous of
in this world, my dance enchants every person for miles
in this world, i dance on top of clouds
and when i sing, music notes float
from my voice in perfect pitch

without music, there is no world
it is empty, dark and
i am lost
instead of color, it is merely
black and white
without music, i am a drug addict
trying to recover
i sweat, i shake and have the urge
without music
there are little memories made
no singing with windows down
no dancing with hairbrush in hand
no songs to sing every word to
without music, there is no feeling
of being alive
no feeling of anger, sadness, and complete
bliss.


music is my soulmate.
my one true love
and we are to live a long
and happy life
1.0k · Oct 2013
i need you here
Amber S Oct 2013
summer mornings. sweat, sticky, salty.
licking cracked hangover lips, tasting juices
molded, squeezed, smashed.
fitting together like two folded puzzle pieces.
summer nights. bent over, kissing bruises, battle
cries.
fumbling and stumbling through sheets, thunder clouds,
vapors of ***. alone.
but alone with each other.
1.0k · Jan 2014
lacerated fabric
Amber S Jan 2014
there was a rip in my stockings,
inner limb, long and exposed.

"i like your tights"

clunky boots, shorts, a skirt, a dress.
i was wearing them when your fingers played
with my insides.
legs long enough to drown in,
did you imagine them tangled, bruised?
my thighs are my gems, they will quiver,
damp under the sheer, ripped, flowered, polka-dotted
material.

daddy, lover, with your palms along
my calves, your teeth ridging the edge.
baby boy, with your nails tearing my hips.

i will be your black-eyed beauty.
the night you spoke my name in inked lights,
the night your lips tasted like cigarettes and chocolate,
my tights shredded.


knee high socks and blood red lipstick,
i’ve been wearing nothing but ripped
tights.
1.0k · Mar 2013
animal instinct
Amber S Mar 2013
purple, hazy hues.
yellow nuance, murky blossoms.
where are they?
azure tinge mixed in the honey.
canvas is blank,
with only galling white scribbles,
grey and ebony ink written.
enter, my darling
let me **** your fangs.
press. press. press.
my locks swathed in your fingers.
hard, my love, hard.
into my bones. film. upon layer.
upon membrane.
the blemishes,
your art.
tonight, we are animals,
so no time for serene.
passion.
howl with me,
consume me.
1.0k · Jul 2014
thunderstorm thoughts
Amber S Jul 2014
the sky was looming with gunmetal wisps,
tickle me pinks squeezing among lavenders.
sunny blues and cotton clouds merged among the
charcoal prophecies. darkness kissing light.

i was soaked within seconds, screaming yet
laughing, feeling my bones shake and rattle along the
drips.

i ran through puddles, the sky nothing but sheets of
recollections. my skin limp and drenched, becoming part of
the soggy grass between my toes.

the rain stopped within minutes, the sky changing to
juicy orange.
as i attempted to dry myself with sopping towels, i stared at the sky,
and was reminded of us making love. beauty, beauty, beauty.
1.0k · May 2013
homeward bound
Amber S May 2013
your body is my habitual enclave,
I know the roads, the routes, the rails,

the way it sparks in the night, how it creaks with the sun.
I coast your body like a map,
the compass in my palm quivers, the needle
whirls and swivels, disoriented, north left behind.
instead I will globe-trot through your anatomy,
with no concerns of foreign lands, with languages
of gibberish and people unfamiliar.
first, I will plunge into your shoulders,
gape at the brawn, the vastness,
compare them to the beautiful mountains seen in Colorado.
next, I will huddle in the wool of your torso,
stealing a quick snooze,
submerged in the berceuse of your coronaries.
afterward, I will drift among your hands,
skipping among the grooves,
stumbling upon the calluses.
then, I will float among your lips,
stealing speckles of salt while playfully
greeting your lingual.
and, and, and, my darling, this adventure
will exhaust me.
so I will traverse back, through your lips, your hands,
your torso, your shoulders, until
I come to my favorite monument.
they are waves full of sapphire, clashing among
charcoal thunderstorms, dancing along
fields of jade.
two orbs of magnificence (and mine)

you will smile, and ask how the journey was,
and I will reply, as always:

“unforgettable”
983 · Nov 2013
long lost teenage years
Amber S Nov 2013
I had chewed up lips and a consciousness that slipped between your fingers and my thin laced skin. I was fifteen, in love with you and pointy objects and the desire to one day feel alive.

Nights were our favorites. You held me high on your shoulders while I spread my arms and screamed. Your fingers pricked my thighs and I could feel your molecules forming with my molecules and when I saw my breath coming in little puffs of cotton ***** in the air all I could think of, Is this what life is?

Sometimes you would run with me on your shoulders and I had to latch on for dear life. My nails in your gold speckled hair, “Don’t you dare close your eyes,” you’d say and I’d cry from the wind, from the adrenaline, from the thought of you ever letting go. Little crystal streams ending nowhere.

But eventually, you did, you dropped me hard and fast and I fell upon the cold frosted grass. No warning, no squeeze of assurance. The wind knocked out of me, tears freshly stained upon acne scarred cheeks. I tried to lift my head to see you, but you were gone. All I had was the tethered swing set, the stars. And this is what life is, I thought. It’s flying until you can’t. Falling until you cannot breathe and then it’s over.
With a thud.
979 · Feb 2012
cowardly lion
Amber S Feb 2012
you were on the numbing screen
or more like your mammoth shape.
he purred like you used to purr
when your dandelion lips
swallowed me.
he spoke with broken glass and
limp wings.
my chest went humpty dumpty.
his eyes. not even close.
or his hands.
your hands. oh,
how they roamed my hills and valleys.
his words were yours.
a man in lion's fur
cowardly lion, more like.
but you were there. but you are gone.
gone with the firsts.
gone with the lasts.
gone.
with the pieces made of sunshine
and lemon pie.
i look through the holes, where the pieces are missing.
the fingers stick through.
i feel nothing.
and i know it's all your fault.
975 · Jul 2013
bruised feelings
Amber S Jul 2013
a bruised sternum is a perfect injury
for me
(lame, out of place, piercing only if i
breathe hard enough)
smack, crack, dunk,
i sunk into weeds, muck,
and the utter and entire absence
(of you)
i crawled, wheezing, a thunder
cloud roared.
(Zeus was laughing, i’m sure)
how...coincidental.
how…ironic.
how…idiotic.
that i should have a chest
pain
near my heart.
a cracked rib would taste
sweeter.
people ask if i was crying
because of the pain.
i nodded, wanting to crack my head
upon cedar.

they never asked where the pain was from,
or from whom.
968 · Aug 2013
blood tastes like syrup
Amber S Aug 2013
mornings of my junior year were nightmares,
because when i woke up all i wanted to do was
die.
school sounded far away, a made-up paradise where
good grades and white teeth would take you to the toptoptop.
my love had left, my friends did not understand.
(oh, you’re depressed? everyone’s depressed)
pop another pretty white halo,
stay up until you think you see the sun scorching your
already fried brain.
mother cried, father yelled
(why can’t you just snap out of it? look at us for christs sake)
trips to unknown people, with thick reading glasses
and rooms that smelled like incense and money.  

i am here. but i am there. i am nowhere.

i was submerged under murky water,
greeted by sirens and drowning fish.
my blood doesn’t look like mine.
i want my blood to run like syrup.

i was here, but i am not there.
drown me through the lines,
until it all sounds the same.
962 · Aug 2013
release
Amber S Aug 2013
i am not just my *******, the
breath of my eyelashes, the curve
of my hips, the gasps i take between
*****.
i am brave, intelligent, wild, i am the
horse that runs through tall grass,
the cracks between sidewalks that sprout
weeds.
do not say i am just a “woman,”
i am hell on a leash, and i will be
released.
961 · Apr 2014
siren
Amber S Apr 2014
wavelets on the wall were colors i couldn’t find within
my own strings,
your hair, the color of copper dancing in the sunshine,
the tears you spilled the deliverance i
hungered for.
i want trees within my lungs, and i want the branches
to grow within me, so i can have leaves and flowers
and the need to need.
kaleidoscope horizons were kissing my brain,
and i saw you through vibrations,
and i wondered if all we are is
wires connecting
connecting.
radio wires attempting to find other waves that
will collide within us to make
beautiful music.
and i knew, knew, knew, that your vibrations
were made to shake and gallop within
my own drums.
and when i cried you told me i was beautiful and i
knew i was everything within the galaxies,
your goddess that held
fire within her
fingers.
Amber S Nov 2014
yes, i know the way his mouth twitches when he smiles,
how his eyes will turn to different shades of green when the hours
change,
and how he lends his fingers when you need assistance,
and how his room was our paradise, and i know how we screamed
to those songs in his car late at night, the snow pressed against
the windows

but what i don’t know, dear friends,
is how my words are empty pill bottles,
"he forced me"
and your cheeks tighten, your eyelashes dry,
i don’t know how my bruises, the blood caked on my thighs
are not as important as his pride,
the way he speaks of money like his one true love,

but what i don’t know is how when you were passed out,
sleeping away through **** hazes and drunken episodes,
his fingers scraped the back of my neck, and pushed and pushed
and pushed until
my teeth were coated with fear,
my throat gurgling with guilt

to my friends, i do not understand,
and when you mention his name, i am back in that room,
fifteen and in love and afraid,
with you under blankets,
oblivious
958 · Apr 2012
fool on me
Amber S Apr 2012
fool on me, for breathing in your cigarettes.
fool on me, for losing myself among the thunder of your lungs.
fool. fool. fool. on me.
i wish you didn't have so much conviction.
needles and hay.
no reason to stay anymore.
your eyes gripped me, and i lost my will.
your tongue sandpaper.
your lips bark.
fool.
fool.
smoke, you drift through my veins.
in and out of my fingertips.
i tried to squeeze but all i have left is ash.
fool on me, for thinking otherwise.
for falling over and over
into your puddle of words
Amber S Aug 2013
it’s fine, i’ll find company within
my strands.
pretty girls are made to wait
for boys with impatient ribs.
it’s fine, i’ll scratch until my
skin bleeds the right way.
pretty girls are built to apprehend
every assault.
it’s fine, i’ll pace my room until posters merge.
pretty girls are assembled to bite
their lips
and wear bruised knees.
it’s fine,
because all boys let me do is
wait.
and i don’t know if i’m one of those
pretty girls,
but i sure know boys will continue
throwing me into the
sea.
947 · Sep 2013
sharp edges
Amber S Sep 2013
i release secrets hidden behind a breastbone
that cracks under (pressure),
when gin and tonics enter my achy bloodstream.
i only remember her on the floor.
i dance like broken bottles upon cement floors
when fairy dust kisses foamy glasses.
i was in a mental hospital. yeah, basically.
i forget the people i supposedly love and blame
it on the alcohol,
because i do not have the courage to blame it
on myself.
940 · Jul 2013
summer blades
Amber S Jul 2013
i am most alive during the summer.
i crawl through arteries filled with stars waiting to
explode.
my upper lip tastes like sweet salt and the sun
will never stop kissing me.
i am most ravenous during the summer.
i wear shorter shorts, touching myself, touching
him until i cannot find the difference between our
galaxies.
i am most insane during the summer.
i run with nothing but my scarcity, my self-consciousness,
i flip through lakes algae blooming and throbbing.
i am most me during the summer.
i find beauty within the melodies of my
peers. i dance through blades with bare toes and
tangled hair.
summer is never forever,
but tonight it will be.
940 · Feb 2011
supernova
Amber S Feb 2011
there are so many things i enjoy.
especially when i'm with you

the sunshine through the shades of you room,
seem to explode. i could hold them
in my fingers if i tried

do you see the rainbows
bathing my skin, making me
sparkle?

do i look like a kaleidoscope?

i'm a mermaid, a goddess, a nymph

i'm out of this world.

when i touch you, i see the sparks
illuminating the night sky
outside, it's snowing. it's disgusting.
here. in here.
i can taste the sweat. salty. so sweet.

my tongue dances in between my lips,
waiting to escape
i can't control myself
so, please excuse me.

for my actions might be too forward

                        i want to sink into you.
i want to bite until i taste the red
i want to claw until there's no way of letting go
i want to kiss until i can't feel my lips
i want you to love me until i break

because.because.because.
i have never wanted so bad

the world will end tomorrow
because of the supernovas we're creating

tonight.

that's all we have
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