Rachel’s hair, black as ink,
splatters my blank skin.
It’s a rewrite for bad readers,
a stroll for quick-to screamers,
a phone call at 3 a.m., and
a sickening high that just won’t end.


Rachel’s teeth, sharp/jagged like littered glass shards,
dig into my aged, faintly seasoned flesh.
It’s a feast for lazy vultures,
an eyesore for devout heathens,
a dusty revolver on a Sunday, and
a lone drunk at a flybuzz wedding.

Rachel’s soul, battering ram/sputtering mad,
dilutes toxic mine, leaves only the rind.
It’s a constant reminder for dangerous nostalgia,
a blanket smoldering in fire within winter-without-end,
a handshake and a heart attack for closest kin,
an elevation, a joyous atomic cloud, and
a sky crying elative confetti tears of future me.

A normal day, I think not, when I am away from you.
This is when my heart races
and I talk too much with my eyes.  
Who sees the places that wake up the world
when I walk beside you?  
Even ancient stars subtlety stare in silence
at the easy way my thoughts exude
sweet memories of you.

Where are the little rooms where flowers blossom
when I look into the looking glass
that whispers love travels
between you and me?  
Why is it when I look into the back of my mind
I find I am drinking in the essence of you
until I am filled with a happiness
full of color that takes
my breath away.

A normal day, I think not, when I am away from you.  
Shade may cover the sun
but the memory of your eyes
sings the light back to me.
My beloved, the mere mention of your name
on my lips
takes away any restless shadows
that try and pass into my heart
you see.

You are inside of me as love splashed on the canvas of my day.
It makes no difference if my hand touches your own.
A normal day, I think not,
when I am away from you,
but I know,
I am never alone.

It was just a whisper of a touch,
That’s all that was needed for me to arrive at this beautiful confusion. . .
The kind that winds down a narrow road to the deepest part of your being and shakes you inside out.
Relentless in my pursuit now,
To taste you. . .
To live inside your mouth and lie inside your unharbored creativity even if it is just for a season.

The day to day gives way to nights spent waiting for you.
I conjure up excuses,
To invite you to tip toe in again softly,
To sit with you so close and warm,
An unmatched fleeting security,
An exhilarating free fall to my stomach
-Which  I crave

I ponder the most profitable path to gain access to your heart
The usual maps I've followed do not take hold with you. . .
To creep slowly like a cat on the prowl?
Guarded and wise?
To run open armed and embrace?
To not think of how it may end?
Like with you and me,
Lying naked on the floor, our bodies sweaty and tangled?
Your eyes searching for the door?

No you are a different breed.
A roller coaster ride of yes and no.
A  delicious collection of untamed sexiness and unattached heart.
The challenge of the unattainable.
And I,  lusting after your game,
Will learn you.
And possess you.
Until my hunger,
Is only quelled by your matched
Desire

So many lines peel off my mind
Like the **** coating on a succulent clementine
You remind me of everything good

Hope abounds

And every sentence is with exquisite reason
Each word branches from the great waterfall in
Shimmering intent

It is not coincidence that we fit together perfectly in our hugs

Just a note, wavering softly in the darkness
A pure, beautiful sound
Open your heart, close your eyes
And let me breathe you in

My dense brow, cursed hairs
dark with your DNA.

I sit, stare, dare not pluck
a single follicle.

I see the blatant looks;
they don’t ask, but I know

secretly they wonder
why the girl with wild brows

would keep them. But you know,
wherever you may be.

You’ll see my sacrifice:
fashion for loyalty,

looks for love.

When it rains
You know I feel what you feel
Everything you've ever known
All your wounds that never heal

Yeah, when it rains
I feel the same
Don't let just anybody
Come take your breath away
When it rains

When it rains
You know I see what you see
All the vivid colors, shapes, and sounds
Come out and surround me

Yeah, when it rains
Don't be ashamed
You have every right to
Speak up and say your name
When it rains.

i tried to eat my whole heart raw once.


but i could not stomach it. could not stomach the noxious ventricles down my throat, could not swallow the bollus of unfleshly pink carnage.
so i broke it into pieces and i blamed you instead, because it seemed easier to say you broke me than to say that i ever loved you.


i.

this is how you broke me :

whenever i thought of you ******* her i would think of dying inside.


dying is a blessing.

dying is the movie that i am too young to watch but too old to resist. dying is divinity, it is paradisical death in slow motion, an entity mushrooming in between the eyes of a decaying rabbit. it is tears being ****** back into the eyes of a small girl, legs apart, ***** ripped, the fruitlessness of futility bleeding out like saliva from a mouth. dying is being idle, dying is being able to think without questioning existence, dying is a moth, paled by smoke.


it is that tuesday night i promised myself i would never write again
if all i wrote was about you.



ii.


this is how i broke myself :

whenever i thought of you dying inside her, i would think of *******.


******* is a blessing.  


******* is the reason an orchid can sing without a stigma. ******* is the malformation of your tongue when you say " i hate myself, because i hate you, but i hate you more. ". ******* is about three blocks away from love. ******* and love are probably secret **** buddies. ******* is saying you love her. ******* is saying you love me. ******* is that heart-shaped bruise that you left on my wrist, that tuesday night you ***** me and called it love. ******* is telling me i am not her.



this disposition of 'her', the realisation she plays a better 'her', than i play 'her', the realisation that she stole 'her' from me, when'her' was a dream both of us  could hope to fake.



iii.


why people are kept broken:

you once told me, while ashing out a cigarette on my neck,
*"it is better to stay broken so nothing else can ever break you again."