after him, your kisses felt strange,
your lips too chapped and your tongue intruding.
after him, your body felt awkward,
ended too quickly, with no finish line in sight.
after him, your story felt old,
run over too many times.
after him, your love felt alien,
a stranger that could never be friended, a ghost never gone.
after him, you felt like a memory,
a bruise upon the heart,
still there, but fading.

i think i'm your drug, i know you're mine.
with a breath, you drink me in. with a puff, i exhale you out.
it's hard to see past the vapor, the air is pungent with our fever.
i take another hit, so your eyes will shine even brighter.
your tongue waits with impatience, i see my skin ablaze.
seeping into every nook, your substance sinks into mine.
the fog embraces us,
kisses us,
excites us,
your heart drums into me with perfect rhythm.
oh, i may be an addict.
but the high. the high. over and over again, i will
lick your sweat until i throb.
i will move and squirm until you purr.
i will breathe in the fumes, and watch your body glisten.
withdrawal sounds like hell,
so give me another hit

i think i love you more than books
...and i really really love books
the romance begun when i was small,
the pages seduced me, the words entranced me.
for years i squeezed myself into the spine,
the bind becoming a welcoming embrace,
the smell evoked drool, the touch kindled an explosion.
i thought this was what real love felt like.

you prowled along, and without a blink swept me away.

for a minute, i forgot the dusty pages, the ink full of stories.
your eyes held all the passion i had read about.
your voice reminded me of all my favorite characters.
i became mesmerized.
and i had thought it was only possible in my books.
i stopped dreaming about my books. i started dreaming about you.
...i think i love you more than books.

i no longer need to escape,
i fall in your arms and i'm free.

when your lips met mine,
life returned to my bones.
when your hand met mine,
silk butterflies kissed my skin.
when your eyes met mine,
fireworks crashed into the sea,
when your body met mine,
i no longer knew the meaning of empty.
when your heart met mine,
it finally started to beat.

i wish you could see the cosmos.
the celestial body shines. shines. shines.
your lips pour luminescence.
your fingerprints stain.
floating. floating somewhere else.
in another time.
the clouds rest, the moon hums another tune.
its brillance is nowhere as close to yours.
eyelashes dusty, sleep creeps in the cracks.
tonight. tonight. tonight.
another night where this world is full of beauty,
where our sparks outshine every city light,
where our quivers out shake any earthquake.
this is our world. tonight.
heaven. no, better, because all i taste
when i lick your lips is pure sugar.
the moon keeps humming, and i fall asleep
with you entangled in my veins.
and i smile.
smile.

your body is familiar territory.
i know the roads, the paths, the signs.
the way it sparks in the night, how it creaks
and turns with the sun.
i watch your body like a map, but i have no destination.
i only want to travel until i'm lost.
lost in the vastness of your shoulder blades.
lost in the sighs of your esophagus.
lost in the wool of your torso.
lost in the making of your hands.
lost in the glands of your cheeks.
lost in the sea of your eyes.
your body, my sanctuary.
your heartbeat, my lullaby.
i trail the territory with my fingertips.
i trail home.
home.

the darkness spreads. from the chest first,
it hurts like hell.
it creeps into the blood stream, an ink with no removal.
paralyzes. blinds. constantly hitting dead ends.
tasting nothing but ash, head is heavy,
eyes constantly refueling.
darkness crawls upon the skin, no touch soothing.
no pain suitable. it disperses from fingernails.
until there is nothing left but a small puddle.

sinking.
that is all that is left to do.