distance,
you make the miles between us appear
like a never ending desert
distance,
you make me forget the shape of his
lips
distance,
you make time freeze
distance,
you put pressure on the cracks
distance,
you kick me when i'm down
distance,
why can't i remember how his tongue
tasted?
distance,
you're not even that long, yet it's as if
i'm in another country
distance,
why must i sleep alone every night?
distance,
when can i have him again?

you're that ******* scab i keep picking at,
only to have the blood spill and harden
again.

with a smile and a snap,
you expect my clothes to appear on the floor.
with a stupid combination of words
you wish for me to drop to my knees.
oh babe, how blind are you?
there are tears flowing down my cheeks
for i haven't been able to stop laughing.

keep thinking what you want
imagine me in any position your black heart
desires.
i'll play along. whisper all the ***** words
your ears die to hear.
i'll fix my hair real nice,
powder my face to perfection
and i'll appear, like some fairy
you never would have believed in.

darling, am i not a goddess?
kiss my feet, you worthless animal
say you are sorry until you have no voice left

i will take your face in my hands
put your lips to mine
and spit the poison you fed me back
into your mouth
i will shove you to the floor
throw my head back and laugh
dig my heel into your back
until blood trickles like small rivers

leave. i will leave you. just like all those years ago
when you left me.


babe, it was all too simple.


oh, hello *******.
my name is karma, it's a pleasure to meet you.

you are a dog with its tail tucked under
the belly. with no sound left
for bark.
i saw this coming weeks ago
i smelled your rotten stench
your poison
was hard to miss.
crawling, with nothing left but
your tears. how dumb am i?
no. no. not anymore.
the glint in your doe eyes
your teeth with a hint of daggers
the crack in your mask is so
apparent now.
while taking you in my arms
you would have bashed my head in
until my mind was blank again.
instead, i will turn
for there is nothing i want to give
instead, i will watch you suffer
and laugh until all sanity has escaped
instead, i will pour the guilt down
your throat.

you will choke.

you are my hot shower after a
cold day
you are my sunshine with no
cloud in sight
you are my fuzzy blanket wrapped
around me like a cocoon
you are my blistering fire
filling my blood stream
you are my summer day provoking
the sweat on my gleaming body
you are my cozy sweater that
i always love to wear
you are my warmth.
i dive into your arms
and every inch of cold in me melts
i press my lips to your skin
i taste flames.
my tongue burns.
your fingers leave prints. on my back, my neck,
my face.
my beautiful warmth.
so, touch me
put your lips to my cold ones.
let's create sparks

little goldfish, you are so small
one tiny piece. in this gigantic place.
little goldfish, you swim in the same circles.
never going anywhere.
little goldfish, why do you stare?
your large eyes
empty. drowning.
little goldfish, you rise to the top
only to find it hard to breathe.
little goldfish, you swim
to find there is nothing
vast nothingness.
water. just water.
little goldfish, does it scare you?
little goldfish, i wish i could take
your bowl and throw you into
the river.
i wish i could throw you on land
and watch you fade.
little goldfish, your suffering would end.

little goldfish,
where is your mind?

all my tears this weekend were spilled
over you.
friday. you. saturday. you. sunday. you.
for that time, a fire ignited inside of
me.
oh, it was so short though.
for soon i was numb
the tears made streaks upon my *****
face. and i was numb.
numb to you. numb to the pain.
numb to the world.
i wanted you out
i wanted you in
i wanted to scream
i wanted to sleep
but, ****.
i saw you.
and my insides crumbled.
the angry words vanished like
dandelion wishes.
once clenched fists turned into
itching fingers.
when i kissed you, it was as if i had been dehydrated
and you were my delicious glorious water.
i brushed your cheek, wishing my fingerprints
were visible.
your scent made me tingle
from the inside out.
my tears were no more.
i couldn't even remember anything.
you looked at me.
that's all it took.

i sighed and grasped your hand
and as you pressed your lips
to my palm
i knew i was doomed

i am to you, a rag doll
i am limp and frail in your
wide hands.
when the mood is right you will
caress me with soft
tenderness.
your lips will brush my forehead
as my limbs tingle.
otherwise
your words will leave purple marks
on my arms.
they will be powerful.
and they will sting.
i taste the blood in my mouth
wondering.
i know this is my fault
i never meant it.
but confusion clouds my vision

for how, my sweet, can i make you rage
when i have given you everything?

you cut out my heart, and i see it
sit in a pretty jar
you pressed your lips to mine
and ****** out my soul
it floats behind you, never leaving

how?how?how?

for you own every inch of me
you throw me down.
i taste the dirt and
for a minute
i cannot breathe
and for a minute
i believe i have died
and for a minute
i wanted you with me
in the soil
with my arms wrapped around you.

how, my darling?
for you are my world
you are my universe

i am just your rag doll
limp and frail
i wish to taste your lips
and taste nothing else.

but you. you. you.

oh, my darling.
you refuse me.

and for a minute
the dirt looks oh so inviting.