you expect me to be here.
with no questions.
no complaints.
you assume
my lips will be waiting for you.
and you take me for granted.

darling,
i love you so much.

but i'm suffocating.

i am not always so sweet.
my eyes do not sparkle every time
for you
more times they have watered
unexpectedly

my hands will not always reach for you
they will clench with frustration,
cracking until they are numb

my legs do not want to run to you
every single time
they will go in the opposite direction
until they burn with exhaustion

i want to slap you until
the realization is branded
but then.
i want to kiss your wounds
lick away the pain

i want to scream until my voice
crawls into your veins.
but then.
i want to hold you
so tight. so tight.

darling, my beautiful darling.

you are breaking me.

soon, there will be
no pieces left

you think you're so high and mighty
with your tight shirt and
backwards cap
you believe you rule

bile rises in my throat while i pass
shivers crawl into my veins
and the words i say are thick
and coated
with something you've
never heard before

i see your eyes
as i speak

they are full of nothing.
black. black.
an emptiness i cannot find
the end to

you lips lift in a twisted swirl
but your eyes tell all

realize. this is more.
realize. that your cowardice will be your own defeat.
realize. that your big words and stupid smile
will do the exact opposite.
realize. that you are nothing to me.
you are the ground beneath my feet
you are the maggots squirming in corpses
you are the bitter frost that creeps
during a winter morning
realize. you are empty.
and your words are empty.
and you look like nothing else
but a fool

i sometimes have a big feeling
that i think too much.

thoughts swirl like cotton candy in my
brain. there's no end to it.
at night i lie, eyes wide open
i watch the thoughts as they
fly across the darkness of my lids
sleep finds another door, shaking an
angry fist toward my direction
my lips lift in a surprised smile
and i collect my thoughts in my hands
i caress them. i compliment them.
i kiss them.
"thank you", i say.
for, without these thoughts
i would be empty.
empty.
empty.

here you go...
here is my heart.
wrapped in ribbons and shiny
paper.

it took a while to find it again.
i had to dig through broken glass
and wire.

but, with ****** hands

i present you my heart.

i know it doesn't look like much
but it holds untold stories, shared
secrets and scars
that should be long forgotten

i've been told it's bigger than most

so, please, will you be gentle?
will you treat it well?

it needs attention almost constantly,
so make sure you put some time aside.

it needs love. and it needs to be
held every now and then

so make sure your arms are big and secure

but, most of all...
it needs you.
it has chosen you.

right away, it thumped and bumped for you.

it had been a while...
the spider webs were finally cleared
and it was able to see the light of day again

and now, you have it.
so love it.


love me.

my heart...i present it to you.

beautiful women are not women
with flat stomachs
beautiful women are not women
with perfectly perfect white teeth
beautiful women are not women
with airbrush skin
beautiful women are not women
who's hair is not even their own

beautiful women are beautiful
because of their pudgy tummies
beautiful women are beautiful
because of their crooked teeth
beautiful women are beautiful
because of their moles, scars, and freckles
beautiful women are beautiful
because of their hair that explodes in rain
and cannot be tamed with a hair brush



beautiful women.


there are so many in the world.

so why don't you take these clothes
rip them to shreds
why don't you take this skin
slap it until red blossoms
why don't you take these thoughts
crush them until they are powder.

never good enough.

put on smiles for you
so big my lips tingle.
lend a ear, listening
concentrating, interacting.

never good enough.

try is a useless word
one that has been worn, tired
and locked away for others

beautiful, you say.
but these flaws. so many. too many.

smart, you say.
but these reports. no hard work.

good person, you say.
but these scars. these weaknesses.

you are full of ironies. contradictions.
throw them in my face
my screams are muffled.
wanting what is never in reach
typical. so typical.
never happy.
no. no. no.

i can never be like you
i will never be like you.

broke free, wings ready for flight.

gone.

you will miss me.
but there's nothing for me here.




never good enough.

i hear the bird in my mind
chirping.
sweet like sugar meltin'
hairs on skin rising like the sun
music. music. music.
my little fella's telling me
play it. sing it. dance it.
until your heart bleeds the notes.
your lips are buzzed with the melodies.

until you are drunk.
drunk off the music.
the beauty. the life.