slowly, you lured me.
and then i ran into your web. and i was trapped.
except, i don't even care anymore.
i eagerly await your fangs
your venom needs to run in my veins
but you'd rather fly away
leaving me, empty.
i chase. and chase. and chase.
forgetting you is impossible
your fangs still linger over my neck
i welcome this spider web. my second home.
your shadow haunts, and
every time i think it's you.
a muscle spasm, where are your hands?
a single tear, but no kisses
twisting and turning in this sticky paradise
my eyes refuse to close
insane must be me
your fault. i can't escape this web
i have chains, don't you see?
you made them
i'm only yours.

but you're gone.

please return to my body
my pulse beats, dancing for you
my hair itches, waiting to be scratched
instead, i stroke myself
my fingernails leave marks
i pretend it's your porcelain back
gleaming

i drink until i am full
i sing until i am deaf
i cry until there is no liquid left
in my body


spider web, spider web, i'm still trapped.




where are your fangs?

Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning. Except it’s effortless, with no sound. But I still feel the water enter my lungs; I still feel the weight pull me down,
down,
down, until I have no strength. I see the world around me, but it’s all blurry, and the water stings my eyes.
I feel tears.
I want to cry. I want to express these bundled up emotions, but I can’t.
Because this water suffocates me, wraps me in its arms and sings a lullaby I cannot resist.
So I merely stare at people, hoping, wishing they will see the silent tears, the pain that has no voice.
But I fall further into the water. I never find the bottom.
I keep falling.

i would like to say our story was that of
a great love story
except, it almost seems like a dream
i try to remember your skin,
and how it felt against mine. all
i remember are flames. burning.
i try to remember your lips. all
i remember is silk.
i know we shared secrets, thoughts and dreams
but it's all so far away in my mind
i try to reach for it, but my fingers only
graze the surface
i feel the electricity but i can't
find the source
so, when i read your words, i feel nothing
and then i'm sad
for i know i should feel something.
pity. desire.
the words flow through me
but i cannot grasp them
i cannot hold onto something
that never wanted to be captured
i still dream of you.
at least once a week
the moment i wake, i wonder why.
i should be angry at you. outraged
for you deserted me. left me.
when you were mine. when i was yours.
you left when i wanted nothing but you.
but instead of anger, i feel empty.
like a winter land with no life,
there's no life in the part of my heart
that you stole away
you. were so wrong. you thought i was mad.
you thought i didn't want you
i wanted you
but i never told you
so i know this emptiness is my fault
i wish, for one last time, i could see you.
and say farewell, properly
i would take your large hands
and place them on my face
try to remember the warmth you once supplied
i would go on my tip toes, swaying
and kiss your lips, wondering
if the butterflies will surface
once more
and i would smile

yes, i have someone new. yes,
he is wonderful.
but that doesn't mean i don't think of you
do you have someone new?
is she pretty? kind? wonderful?

i wish i knew.

our story is over, i've known for
such a long time.
we should exchange the chapters
of our lives



but i know we never will

get your talons out of me now
you should have dropped me long ago
let me breathe.
something i could never do around you
you dug into me
until i cried, screamed
your smile was wicked, full of regret
never was perfect
now that i am, it's still not enough
you find the smallest things
and rip them out of me
so i can see
jesus christ, do you ever stop?
these circles i keep running
will destroy me
you will be the death of me
i am most certain
satisfying you? there is no chance
your insides are full of ugly.
of shame. of guilty.
at least i tried. at least i lived.
you hid. you whine.
but never once
have you let me go.
the mistakes you made were so severe
you thought i might repeat

how could i?
how could i place blame on those i love?
how could i be so vicious?
how could i ever cut people apart until they were nothing?

if i were to give you a gift
it would be nothing but tears

the love you have for me
is a love full of broken words
i forgave you. but the memories burn my skull
like bright stars.

and your talons leave deep scars
that will stay on my skin
i will look at the white tissue
so ugly, so frail, and so beautiful.
everything you are.
gritting my teeth
i will fake the smile
i plastered on for you
you made me strong
but i am most certain

you will be the death of me

i don't want to admit this
i'm too scared to say it out loud
so instead, words on paper
is all i can do

i want you. i need you. i love you.
these, you know.
but i feel you don't understand

too long has it been
since i felt a touch
that burned my skin
when you kiss me, i die.
and then i'm reborn
i am so terrified
that you will wander.
you will forget the marks you left
on my skin
my body will no longer pleasure you
that when you speak to me,
you hear nothing buy buzzing

losing you.
i'm terrified.

you hold me, and i wonder
if there's only a matter of time
before your butterfly touch leaves

you grasp my hand
tell me.
over and over
that you'll always be here
your love will never go

i don't mean to laugh. i don't mean to cry.
but these promises have been made
far too many times

i say nothing
but touch you. for all i know,
it's our last night

so foolish, i know.
i thought this would never happen
i had my strongest guard up
no one could break it down

i was ready for nothing
idiot, is what i am
resisting you is like
resisting a natural disaster

i won't ever show this to you.
it wouldn't make sense
so, instead
i will love you like i've never
loved anyone before
i will not think about the pain

i will dig my nails into you
until you beg for mercy
and when i see the blood dripping
from my fingernails

i will lie to you.

and say i have no fears.

selfish. it's what we are
"he means the world to me"
"oh, i'm so happy for you"

no, you're not.
you want to be.
but you can't help but think

why not me?

you love your friend, but.
but.
you want it too. you want the love
the beauty. the success.
the perfection.

you put on the smile, while jealousy
burns your insides
selfish.

it's human nature.
we want everything for ourselves
and are greedy over other people's
miseries
we pretend to care. we pretend to take action.
in reality, we snicker on the inside

"thank god i'm not her"

you console.
but you're happy.
because it's not you
you offer words.
but they're empty
you hold them.
but your arms are no shelter

everyone is so selfish
the ignorance burns their skin
like branding irons


blistering, how can they not notice?

what can i say,
that hasn't already been said?
in the epic stories
in the love poems recited
too many times.

i could try to make up
lines saying how you
make me feel

but i can't.
because, words cannot
describe it.
words cannot describe how
fast my heart races.
words cannot describe how
what your lips feel like.
words cannot describe how
your eyes paralyze me.
words cannot describe

how perfect you are.

i tried
in this silly poem
still, it does you no justice

i will keep trying
thinking of words that describe
your beauty

there are so many words in the dictionary.

but none describe you