I still feel every touch, every lingering kiss, your body pressed up against mine.
I hate it. I hate you.

Nights like this, when it all just comes back, this is when I want to die.

I want to get in the shower and just scrub my skin until I feel clean… But I know it won’t help because this feeling isn’t skin deep. It’s burnt into me.

I want to go and brush my teeth until it hurts and I can’t bear it any more and then keep going just to get your taste out of my mouth… But I know it won’t help because this feeling isn’t skin deep. It’s soaked into me.

I want to go and find that ******* bed and dowse it is gasoline and burn it like the gates of hell… But I know it won’t help because this feeling isn’t an item I can destroy. It’s tattooed in my brain.

I want you to go and find you and make you feel as bad as I do. I want to see you begging in tears for this to go away, and when you are all I’ll say is…. This feeling can’t be taken away.

We all talk about that inspiration,
That voice in our head,
Talking to us,
Shouting like a Sargent,
Then whispering like a butterfly,
What some refer to as their muse.

But what about that feeling,
The one you get that makes you want to create,
The one that vibrates in your fingertips,
Then starts making your brain run for ideas at light speed,
The feeling that grabs hold of your soul and brings it to life.

The feeling that begins,
Even before your inspiration is there,
The one that can last for days until you find your muse,
The feeling that wakes you up in the night,
The one that pushes you to crazy lengths,
It has no sense of time,
All it has is an intense want,
A need,
Like a baby needs its mother.

This is the thing I live for,
This is when a true masterpiece is created,
For only then do we have the true desire for something great,
Only then are we pushed to our full extent,
Only then have I experienced such a fierce flame,
Small embers which turned into a roaring fire.

Shall I compare thee to a dying cat?
Though art more helpless and more deafening:
Rough winds do shake the tassels of your curling mat,
And your piercing voice hath all to high a range:
Sometimes too loud the voice of torture cries,
And often his mute button is left in pieces;
And every hair on the back of your neck begins to rise,
By fright or by pain increases;
But thy pitchy voice shall not die,
Nor loosen it's grip around my throat;
Nor shall death come as you moan and cry,
Even when you start to quote;
As I lay me down to sleep I pray thee lord my soul to keep,
If I should die before I wake I pray thee lord my soul to take.

Where were you?
When I needed you most.
Where are you?
When I need you now.
I'll tell you where you're not,
By my side,
With me.

Why'd you go?
Why'd you leave?
Leave me alone,
All on my own,
When I need a friend,
With a hand to leand,
You turn your back,
And walk away.

Alone,
Walking all alone,
Most would feel lonely,
Some would want company,
But I strive for the lonesome ness.

You traded me my innocence
For some stuff that made no sense
Until I was old enough to see
Just what you did to me
But by then it was too late
You already broke though the gate
I gave away my lock and key
Only now do I know it was stupid of me
Now I feel gross
Sick
*****
Infected
Because I left myself unprotected.
So did you get what you want?
Did you get what you need?
Because you certainly took it all from me.

And when we become someone else, someone we're not, when we slip into a different skin and act against our views and morals do we truly see the person we are, the only person we could be, but by then we are tainted with a sort of corruption, we know we'll never forget what it is we have become and that shame of turning into something so ******, something we always said we'd never be, that is the shame we hold heaviest on our souls. The shame we'll take to the grave, and even then, once we're dead and gone, six feet under, we will still suffer in silence of that time so long ago that we let ourselves down, and gave life to a beast.

I hate you so much,
It makes me sick to my stomach,
So sick that,
I wish I never had done it,
Just wanting to cry,
And sleep all day,
To switch off,
Or just to hibernate.

It's all my fault,
How could I have been so stupid,
Such a silly little girl,
Now makes me want to hurl.

Please just make this go away,
Please remove this from my stupid head,
I just want to be better,
To feel alright,
Because I know justice is too far out of reach,
So I just want to forget,
Just want to curl up in in the safety of my OWN bed.

I feel her fury pulsating through the whole house,
I hear her enraged screams bouncing off the walls,
I smell an overpowering burning scent,
I ******* salty tears running like a shower,
I see a reflection of a girl with black running down her face trying to still look like she's okay,
I feel my whole body tremble with fear,
I smell a sick powerful pride radiating from the monster,
I ******* dinner crawling back up my throat,
I hear voices in my head telling me to go, to run, to never look back,
I see myself trapped, locked in iron chains forever.

I felt my heart start to race and a tingling sensation run through me
I the over powering music blasting in my ears putting me in a trance
I smelt an aroma of caramel and vanilla candles burning, fighting each other to be dominant
I taste electric tingles dancing in my mouth, running down my throat and settling in my stomach
I saw darkness taking over me, ******* clouds hovering over my eyes
Then I heard my door being ripped open and the candles blew out
I felt my eyes snap open and my favourite place slowly faded away
I saw my mum furious as ever
I knew my favourite place, my state of mind, my trance was gone.

I can't think of what to write
To describe the way
I am all right
Even though the things you say
Make me want to start a fight
Don't worry, no fights today
Even if it would be a great delight
Instead i'll just go have a sleep in the hay.

And soon these embers of fury will turn to flames,
then you and i will never be the same,
suffering in silence,
no tears fall for the death of kindness,
ahead of us is a battle,
a war just for two,
so choose your army and make the first move,
once blood is shed,
and your castles come crashing down,
will you finally get off your high horse and take off that stupid crown.

Now don't expect a shoulder to cry on,
no mercy here,
in your tears you'll be drowned,
so listen closely and don't make a sound,
you're a hypocrite, a *****, a tiny little flea,
expecting me to kneel down like your the queen bee.

You push me around,
drag me down,
try to make me fall,
but you're the fool for not realizing how strong i am after all,
I stood there and just stared,
while you tried to make me fail,
Now ******* little girl,
your as pathetic as you were trying to make me!

Blame me for your mistakes,
Rub my problems in my face,
Make me feel like such a disgrace,
Then try to leave without a trace.

Hold your head up high,
Shoulders straight,
But its all a disguise,
For the thing you are most would hate,
But none of this is a surprise.

Its so sad to see you this sad
It kills me to see you like you are these days
I wish i could take away your pain,
I wish you didn’t feel this way
I wish you never went through those days.
You didn’t deserve that awful deed
That shouldn’t have happened to you and your family.
But now it has
And all i can do
Is be there and help comfort you
One day this weight will lift from your shoulders
You’ll smile easy you’ll see it’s true
But till then don’t hold back your tears
I’m here and so are many more
Friend and family, that’s what we’re for,
Show us how you feel,
And we’ll show you we care
Because everyone needs someone
To just be there.

I think about you all the time,
Thoughts of you fill my mind,
I wonder if you're thinking of me too,
Or if it's just me,
Thinking of you?

I remember every word you say,
Our convisations are on constant replay,
And all i want to know,
Is are you remembering me too,
Or am i wasteing my time remembering you?

I wish that i could touch your skin,
Taste your lips,
Hold you close,
But you're just too far away,
The distance makes my heart break,
But what i really need to know,
Is dose the distance break your heart too?

You've cut her,
bit her,
stabbed her in the back,
You've dragged her down,
Burried her deep,
So,
Are you happy now?

Kick her in the guts,
Throw dirt in her eyes,
Now there is no more suprise,
Every thing you do,
It's expected,
Nothing's new,
What happened to you?

You hurt her,
Skinned her,
Stripped her to her bones,
Yet still you aren't through,
You've still got further to go,
And all i want to know is,
Are you happy now?

Sitting at my desk,
Three candles burning lighting this space,
Smells of vanilla, caramel and chocolate fill the room,
So sweet and delicious it makes me want to fall asleep.

I sit there turning a knife in my hands,
Feeling its point,
Running my fingers over its sharp edge,
Wondering if i can trust myself,
Not to do the one thing thats so tempting.

Just one cut,
Its all i want,
Too see my blood and feel the pain,
Release all the things that are driving me insane,
I could say it was a accident,
I slipped and cut my self,
I wouldn't be to blame.

I put away the knife,
My cravings for pain are becoming to unbearable,
So i get out my lighter,
And i just sit there, in the middle of the room,
Lights off,
Candles lit,
Watching the flames,
I get another idea for pain.

Mother would know it was just an accident,
Because of my phobia of burning alive,
Little dose she know that phobia died,
I sit and think about camp,
When i fell back into the foam pit from the hight bars,
It was so peaceful,
I wish i could do it again,
Just free fall into nothing.

I finally snap back to reality,
Turning on the lighter,
I just take a second to stare,
Then i move the flame to my leg,
Holding it just above my skin,
Feeling the heat,
It feels amazing,
Like that one fire is reaching into my body,
And pulling out my every emotion.

My body feels like its been lit ablaze,
But it doesn't quite satisfy me,
I long for the feeling of the point of a blade on my skin,
Trying not to surrender,
I put the lighter away and blow out the candles,
I lay on the floor,
Taking in the darkness,
Imagining being buried alive,
Trying to feel that moment when you take your last breath,
Trying to let go and leave peacefully,
Trying not to fight for air,
Just letting go.

I finally fell asleep,
Having finally defeat,
My craving to cut,
My longing to bleed,
My thirst for something to **** the pain.

Darkness is now my secret elixir,
Smothering me alive.

I'm trying to stop,
Hiding behind insecurities,
And living between two families,
But saying good bye,
And changing my ways,
Is a scary thought that makes me cry,
Not from actual fright,
But from an over powering anxiety,
I wish it'd just go away,
Leave me alone,
(NOT FINISHED)

My emotions clouded my better judgement,
I allowed my self to believe every lie,
And you fed them all to me,
Like chocolate cake and caramel pie,
Rich and sweet,
But bad as can be,
You asked me to jump,
And i said how high,
You wanted me to reach,
All the way to the sky...

You wanted me to believe,
Everything you said to me,
So i did until it became too hard to breathe,
He was a hero,
Saving me from you,
He showed me the truth,
And he even had proof,
But you swore on your life,
It wasn't a lie,
And slowly you two tore me apart,
Inside.

But now i know what is real,
My emotions have cleared away,
And finally revealed,
I can finally see you,
Its all crystal clear,
He is the hero,
You are the lie,
Poisoning my heart,
So I'd believe your disguise.

You faked some heart ache,
And a tear or two,
And i was silly enough
To feel bad for you,
You made me believe,
You trusted me,
And that you actually,
Liked me too,
But mate now that i can see,
I know you are completely see though.

Now my dear,
I am sorry to say,
This is going to end,
My way,
I can't trust you,
No not any more,
Because now i fear,
I am still broken,
I am still torn,
And maybe I'm weak,
Weak enough to believe another one of your lies,
After all they are as rich and as sweet,
As chocolate cake and caramel pie.

So hush now babe,
This is my final good-bye,
Just thought i'd let you know,
You are kinda lame,
And its sad,
Because you'll never change,
So goodbye i won't be back,
It's time to get my life,
Back on track...

Daddy just left,
And Mum is mad,
Holey crap now I'm sad,
Turn on the radio,
Crank up the sound,
All the way up until its too loud,
No one to hear you scream,
When you reach the point of no turning back,
Time to die,
Too late for goodbyes,
What to say?
Maybe something cliché,
Scribble it down,
'Goodbye cruel world,'
Shove away all regret,
Take your last breath,
Breathe in deep,
Watch your blood bleed....

Mother walks in,
Just before you leave,
Tears in her eyes,
All she wants to know is why,
Too late to explain,
But you'll finally be free,
Free from the tears,
Say goodbye to the pain,
That was your aim...

Music in your mind,
As you slip away from the world,
Your favourite song,
Was the last thing you heard,
I loved that sweet melody,
To hear it as i fell asleep for eternity,
Was all i could have ever asked for,
And now as my ghost looks down on me,
It's listening to the last of my sweet song,
The first song i fell in love with,
And the last music to my ears,
This is dragging on too long,
So goodbye cruel world,
I had some amazing years.

i got some guts and leapt into the unknown,
and now i'm scared you'll leave me alone,
i asked you a question and you left me with no answer,
and now i wounder if i'm even worth one....

i'm so confused,
getting dragged into a sudden blues,
all the signs were there,
i really thought you cared,
maybe i just read you wrong,
but you made me feel like i belonged...

you made me smile
when i was about to cry,
you made me laugh
when i thought i had died.....

now i need an answer,
or i'll always wonder,
if i had done this differently,
would you have said yes to me????

my hair doesn't stay in perfect place,
my face isn't the prettiest around,
my body is covered in bruises,
i'm not where near perfect,
but i'm not afraid to dance in the rain,
i'm brave ehough to play your game,
i'm going to make you hear my voice,
just to drive you insane,
i have the guts not to give a **** what people think of me,
i don't look for your acceptance,
i am my own perfection,
because baby i
'm the strange craving you get in the middle of the night,
the one that won't go away with out putting up a fight....

It was my time to shine,
Beat my wings and fly,
But you dragged me too deep,
Into water as black as my soul,
And now I'm drowning in my own tears,
Completely surrounded by my fears,
My wings are drenched and they are now too weak to fly,
You've ruined this birds moment to shine.

Each day I'm followed by doctors, meds and fears,
My anxiety rising up to high,
For me to think about the next few years,
The only time I'll have some peace,
Is when I'm buried six feet under,
When I can eternally sleep.

When the memories die,
And slowly fade away,
I'll finally be OK.

Today we started over,
And it became easier for me to breathe,
It felt like i found a seven leaved clover,
I feel completely reprieved.

Now i can work at fixing things,
Instead of driving myself insane,
Thinking we'd never be the same,
And now that we are starting again,
I hope i can take back everything i said,
Let's act like i never liked you.

We were always perfect strangers,
And now we want to try and be friends.

Let's believe,
I didn't like you in that way,
I never said I love you,
You were never the one thing always on my mind,
And you have never made me cry,
Or ask myself why,
I've never lost myself in your eyes,
My heart never held a flame for you.

All of that never happened,
Because we were always perfect strangers.

I've never talked to you before,
I don't know you like 'Where every you will go by The Calling,'
I have no clue your favorite animal is a dog,
I don't know if you like purple,
Or if you like paramore.

Because we have never talked before,
We have always been perfect strangers.

And most important of it all,
You have never seen me,
At my worst,
The incident never happened,
We never had that problem.

Because you didn't see me,
And we are still perfect strangers.

Now my dear,
We have started again,
Strike up a conversation,
After all we are perfect strangers,
Who know what we'll find out,
We might fall after all,
But don't just sit there in silence,
Otherwise we might always be perfect strangers,
And i don't know a greater loss,
Then never getting to know an amazing stranger,
Like you....

Today is the first day back,
From what seemed like hell,
Sitting there trying not to cry as you,
Acted like i wasn't alive,
Like my name didn't ring a bell,
You ignored me,
I was dead and gone to you.

Oh dear god i wish i were through,
I'm sick of wanting,
And wasting my days,
Wishing and dreaming,
That we could go back and make a do-over,
Change the past,
Fix my mistake....

My biggest issue isn't you,
It's not what i did,
My biggest issue is...
I'm kicking myself,
While i'm down,
Because i think...

If i had waited a few more weeks,
Or even just changed my ways,
Then i'd be-able to be there for you,
It's obvious your not ok,
I know something's wrong,
And its killing me to know i can't do a **** thing to fix it....
I can't make you smile,
Or laugh,
I can't re assure you it'll all be okay....
I can't even make you happy....

I'd **** to hear your laugh just one more time,
To hear you're voice talking to me,
To see you smile back at me,
To catch you even looking at me.....
For all these things,
Although they may sound silly and small,
I'd still go to the end of the world to make them happen......

But i know that'll never happen,
My dreams and wishes are such a tease,
All they are doing is breaking me down,
So it's time i stop wanting,
Stop wasting my time waiting for you,
I can't cope with the pain and guilt,
And hopeless longing...

I'm over it all and it's got to end,
But every time i see your face,
Look into your brown eyes,
Every nerve in my body is set on fire,
My skin begins to burn,
And i know there's still a spark.

My heart...
It still beats for you,
It's burning because of you,
And everyday it explodes with passion when i see you,
Setting off fireworks in my stomach,
Making me cry because how much i miss you,
And need you,
And want to be with you...

Today i was ashamed,
Of what i actually did,
I grabbed the knife,
And cut a slice,
Of pie for me to eat....

I wish that were the truth,
The reason for my sudden blues,
I wish all i cut was pie,
And then walked off and cried,
But I stayed and craved thy blood.

I didn't cut too deep,
Just enough to bleed,
To quench thy thirst,
And suffocate thy pain.

And now from that one mistake,
I ruined thy life and now it's too late,
To fix everything.

That day you stopped talking to me,
I became a complete ghost,
Something you can't see.

I wanted to know why,
I had a good idea,
Of why you made me cry,
I pleaded and begged,
But you'd given me no reply.

Today i found out the truth,
You stopped talking to me,
Because i cut myself while sitting under our tree.

Now i feel the tears and pain,
Will vanish with my love for you,
you had driven me completely insane,
So now i say we're through!

we've just said our short good-byes,
and you've walked out that door,
and now all i have to say is,
here's to my tears falling to the floor.
i hate the way this is all set up,
i forget your there,
forget i can talk to you,
and all i remember is,
your gone,
outta my home,
how much i need you,
and how much it hurts when you say good-bye.

I know this might hurt you too,
but it hurts me more,
i cry every Monday,
Sunday, Christmas, Easter and Birthday,
that's every day you say goodbye...

Lightning falling from the sky,
So strong and bright,
Producing electricity,
For the whole world to see.

Bright white strength,
Raining from the sky,
Pure and feared,
Making people hide inside,
And wait for the storm to pass.

People fear it's capability,
To cause havoc upon the world,
So they run in terror hating this amazing power,
But i stand and stare completely astonished,
At it's magnificence.

My head is aching,
Because of my loud screams,
My heart is breaking,
You've murdered my dreams,
Hurting me more than ever,
Now I'm starting to think,
***** this forever.......

You want me to choose,
But i have no clue,
Your smothering me half to death,
And soon there will be nothing left,
So back the f@#k off,
And leave me alone,
Get the hell out of my home,
You've burned me,
Cut me,
Buried me alive,
You've killed me from the insides,
Out...

You've murdered everything i was,
Everything i  wanted to be,
you've ******* me up,
and taken over,
so now get the f@#k away from me!

Shut your mouth,
And back away,
Nothing that you did was okay,
I want to **** you,
Just one blade thought your heart,
Not that you have one for a start,
You've made me moody,
******,
Some one who doesn't care...

And you think your so great,
you think that your the mayor,
So now go take a few steps back,
Before i kick you in the sack!

i'm so furious with you,
Drowning me in anger and blues,
And because you used me,
Stripped me down to my bones,
And remade me into a monster,
Just like you,
You should know,
Just what i can do,
You know that i could **** you,
Just one little blow to your head,
Just one hit,
And you'd be dead.....

As i walk down this path,
I look to my left,
There stands a man and his calf,
He appears to be standing still,
Not moving down his life's path.

I walk over and talk to him
"Whats wrong?"
He replied,
"I'm near the end of my life's song."
I say and talk to him,
He seemed so lonesome.

He starts explaining his life,
Talking about his kids and wife,
The he says about his beliefs
I listen as he talks of god.

He says,
"I may believe in god,
But i do not worship him,
I do not fear him,
I do not love him."
"Why? What do you have against god?"
I asked.

"He plays with us,
Like we are toys,
He spreads the cancer,
Kills the people,
And murders the hope."
He said,
"I write to god,
But when i write i say...."

'Dear God,
How are you?
What have you done lately?
Spread any more cancer?
Made and more parents childless,
or children parent less?
Have you taken any more best friends?
Made people cry till their end?*

Killed and more hopes and dreams?
Cut people straight at their seams?
I know from this letter there will be consequences,
That i do not deny,
But i do not fear you,
You took away all of importance,
And i already suffer,
So now take me!'

As he talked i started to cry,
I wanted to stay,
But it was time to leave him behind,
As i walk down my road,
I think,
This man was the most brilliant person i have ever met,
And up to now i still remember what he said,
It has made the most impact on my life.

Daddy dear,
Please come home,
I need you here,
Without you here this just isn't my home,
I need you near,
While your gone this is my jail.

You remember those stories you used to read me?
Well this life is no fairy tale,
It's missing too much,
Its missing a happy girl,
And a home of love and dreams,
its so full or depression,
This is making me wanna hurl,
Since you left I've been full of aggression.

I know mummy told you to go,
She didn't want you to come back,
But i need you to know,
I need you,
I cry for you every night,
I need my dad who,
Is supposed to be here,
But right now your outta sight.

I guess what i need you to see is,
You have to come back,
Fix my life,
Help me cope,
Go back to your wife,
Bring back my hope.

The Day you left,
Became the day i died,
I still keep your secrets locked inside,
My smile committed suicide,
My tears murdered my laugh,
I cry myself to sleep
And feel like I've been cut in half.
Each day is a kick in the guts,
Each sun rise brings a new day of tears,
I miss how it used to be,
I wish i could go back a few years.

I miss your smile,
I can still hear your laugh,
I still taste you kiss,
My room still smells of you,
And I'll always feel your arms wrapped around me.
I want to hear you sing to me,
Just one last time,
Watch you play guitar,
You were always my star.

But i have to realize,
Your gone and not coming back,
These tears will last years,
I'll always lack you in my life,
And this pain will always cut me,
Like a knife.

Your the air that I breath, ?
The blood that I bleed,
?The words that I speak
?And the colours I see.

??Your the ground beneath my feet,
?My wings that make me fly,
?And my heart that slowly beats.
??Your sunshine on a rainy day
?And what washes my fears away.

??With you lie my secrets,
?My thoughts are always safe with you
?And my words i know you'll never repeat.

He's smart,
He's sensitive,
And not afraid to cry,
Oh some one please tell me,
Is this guy alive?

I think he is,
I'm sure I've met him,
I think i was even just talking to him.

He's Amazing,
Romantic,
One in a million,
He knows how i feel,
And i only wish i knew how he felt about me.

blood on our hands
knife in the draw
i'm trying to leave
but you want more
you want
me to be dead
falling to the floor
trying to breath
but not making a sound at all.

you want me in a coffin
not moving, breathing, talking or screaming.
you wanna see me go six feet under
and thought it's stealing your thunder
you stand there and watch as i go.

you want my face out of your mind
but there's no other place to go.
you want to stop hearing me scream your name
well what was you aim then?

soon i'll be out of sight
there fore my flight is almost over.
my last words to you were 'what the **** *****? are you sober?'
but now i wanna change it 'thank you for making the suffering end.'

i'm sitting at my desk,
i'm completely oblivious,
phone in hand,
waiting for something to happen.
sitting at my desk,
on my laptop typing,
music in the back ground,
mood as bad as possible.
trying not to cry,
i never knew it was possibal,
that the person that makes me so happy,
could make me feel this bad.

he's supposed to shield me from the pain,
protect my heart from the world,
save me from myself.
but he's making me cry,
feeding me the pain,
kicking me in the guts.
he was supposed to be there for me,
since i was born,
i was supposed to be able to rely on him.

sitting at my desk,
thinking about how much he missed,
how much he's not here,
how many good byes I've said to him,
there's 386,
how many tears have fallen from my eyes,
because he said good bye
or simply because he's not here.
what happened to dad's,
girls best friends,
here to stay,
not flying away.

with what time we have left,
we'll be lucky to escape,
what great a fate,
comes our way.

we'll accept its embrace,
turn down it's terror filled face
and run with the black panthers rawwww!

By time it'll be over,
we'll go our separate ways,
but know this i will look back some day.
the great fun we had,
the times we were sad.

but when its comes around,
we'll accept its embrace,
turn down its terror filled face
and run with the black panthers rawwwww!

as i lay awake at night,
thoughts come crawling through my mind,
thoughts of the one and only you.

some are confusing,
some are a lie,
and some are truthful in a way.

i keep our memories,
protected by my heart,
locked away,
safe in steal.

when i let you in,
i'm soon to push you away,
frightened to lose you,
careful to keep my distance,
yet long for you to stay always......

i can tell your giving up,
it's not easy for me to accept,
i know it's my fault,
i know i've changed,
i know what i gotta do to fix things.......

i'm just a child,
nothing more and nothing less,
i need you here,
now and forever,
i need my friend.....

but it's obvious you don't want to be my friend....

i'm cool with that,
just give me the chance to say bye......

i thought we were friends forever
what happened?????

soon my confusion will come to an end,
leaving me with ever lasting pain,
no understanding,
and to only be what you will leave,
a heart full of sorrow,
a girl crying on her knees.

once so close,
now apart,
separated by a sea of people.

Clinging to the past,
a memory if i may,
thinking of what we could have made last,
dwelling on what we used to say.

Standing in the rain,
so no one sees my tears,
trying to stay sane,
for all the approaching years.

Wishing it weren't true,
still want to stay close to you,
always try to be your friend,
trying to make these memories never end.

once so close,
now apart,
separated by a sea of people.

Clinging to the past,
a memory if i may,
thinking of what we could have made last,
dwelling on what we used to say.

Standing in the rain,
so no one sees my tears,
trying to stay sane,
for all the approaching years.

Wishing it weren't true,
still want to stay close to you,
always try to be your friend,
trying to make these memories never end.

She's lying in bed,
late at night,
can't go to sleep,
can't close her eyes.

Pictures of you,
flow through her mind,
She tries to hide the pain,
that slowly fills her heart.

Turning blue close to black,
Beating slow,
letting blood flow.

She finds a new low,
that takes her to the ground,
breaking his heart.
You may as well know,
how it came to a start.

Long story she says,
short story the truth.....
You know she'll never say,
or speak a single word.
But you still wish she would.

You build me up,
Then break me down,
Your nice to my face,
But a ***** behind my back,
You say your here to stay,
Then get up and walk away,
You say we are best friends,
But then you treat me like i'm dirt,
But over all i'm the stupid one for staying this long and putting up with all your moods, lies and plain old *******.
Now i don't give a **** what you say or think about me,
I don't care what you do,
Your not my mother and you certainly do not own me,
From now on i'm me and who I want to be,
And you can go jump in a lake if you think i'm changing for you ever again cos all it causes is hurt, pain and confusion!

She tries to hide her eyes
So she can blink away her tears
She feels like she is walking on what used to be her heart
Now its shattered into a thousand peices
And it just makes her cry harder
Till there is no way to hide her tears
And she can no longer fight the feelings she has bottled up inside
She falls to her knees
Still trying to stay strong
But the pain of loss consumes her.

Why can't she see?
Who she was
Who she could be
And what she has become.

Why can't she see?
She is loved
She is beautiful
And people do care.

If only...
She knew
She saw
She felt.

But its the past that's...
Holding her back
Making her cry
Kicking her while she is down.