I don't get what you see
Maybe I'll never understand.
But you don't get it either.
When I look in the mirror
It isn't me
There is no me.
You see strength,
I see nothing.
I'm dying inside,
You believe the mask I wear.
You think you know me
But how could you?
When I don't even know myself.

I've noticed something
Over the past few years.
No matter how hard you close your eyes
It doesn't stop the tears.

I don't owe you.
Not a **** thing.
But still you're in my mind.
Surfacing from anything.
I hear your voice.
It burns deep into my chest.
But you no longer speak to me.
And I know it's for the best.
You did this.
It wasn't me.
You ******* it up.
Now why do I feel guilty?

Words
Repeated one after one
Burning deep
Stinging to the core
After years and years of pretending they didn't exist
Now they've found their way into my mind
Yelling
Clawing
Screaming
Echoing
Back and forth in my head
Maybe she was right after all
Maybe I am just a **** up
Nothing
Worth nothing
Doing nothing but damage
To all those around me
They're worth more than that
I am not.
'You deserve it' they say
'You'll never change' they say
It's never ending
Until the end.
Never changing
Until it does.
I need out
I need peace
But when the problem is myself
there's nowhere safe to retreat

A promise is nothing.
It means nothing,
anymore.
Only spoken words,
no emotion.
Like your fingers are crossed behind your back and you could care less.
You can lie so easily now.
To your friends, to my face.
Does sincerity mean anything to you?
With your fake sympathy
And broken stories
As if you could understand me.
You can't.
You won't.
I promise you that.
Or does that make it a challenge?

The roar of the wheels upon solid concrete.
Suppressed by the music blaring in my ears.
Vibrations running through the wood and to my feet.
This feeling is unreal.

There's no time for thinking.
The music muting all thoughts.
Eyes staring, quickly blinking
Into the night, on the road ahead.

No destination in mind
Nowhere specific to go
Never looking behind
Only moving forward, deeper into the dark.

For a moment it is quiet
An intersection and a choice
Within my mind, a slowly building riot.
As I debate between left and right.

I give up on the decision.
Now only feeling my way
My heart leads my fate
And I continue out into the night.

It's quiet as the world beyond my window moves forward.
Leaving me behind, frozen in my state of mind.
The clouds are passing over, crawling across the sky.
I'm watching slowly, waiting to see what i can find.
Tall trees, branches scratching upon the glass
Yet still silence succums the open space that surrounds me.
My lack of strength overrides the will to move.
Joining the world is but a dream, fading by the minute.
Empty thoughts and a damaged heart
Leave me exhausted, far exceeding my limits.

You stepped up when I was alone,
Lost in the dark from following a fool.
You gave me a new light to follow.
Made me stronger.
I gave you my heart, i trusted it in your hands.
So you took it and broke it yourself once again.

Just when I felt lost, trying to forget her, you were there to guide me.
When I thought I'd never get that feeling again, you gave it to me.
You reignited a spark in a broken heart. Made me feel whole again.
It took three years since you knew of the way I felt, I began to doubt the possibility of anything ever coming from it.
Yet I am glad it waited until now, the time we needed it most; our last chance.
We were finally honest with one other.
Not with our words but with our actions.
They expressed what I'd been dying to say for a long time.
What I could never muster the courage to speak.
What I hoped deep inside you wished to tell me as well.
You are a best friend, a sister, and a longtime crush.
And you found a way to fix me. Far more than you can imagine.
With a kiss.
With a touch.
Two scarred hearts are now at peace.