Alieness
I am a lover not a fighter
Sad that as we walk our ropes get tighter
I am a hugger not a hater
Sad that we hate instead of love one another
I am a nurturer not a nagger
Sad that we enjoy using words as daggers
I am a peacemaker not a ***-stirer
Sad that we lie and lose trust in one another
I am a human not an alieness  
Sad that we deny ourselves instead of jointly progress

Treasure
As I sit here I heal, I think, and I wait
For it was not long ago that I escaped
Something so draining it needed to end
O look I see how life can bend

As I sit here I hope, I dream, and I plan
For a future made of love of oceans full of precious beach sand
Something so beautiful as the first child of my brother
O how I treasure the notion of someone calling me mother

(To:) Johnny
I once knew a boy named Johnny
We were good friends for a short time

He was my cousin’s best friend
Although they didn’t remain that way

Johnny was a gentleman
Whatever I was going through he held my hand

He made me laugh we always had fun
And from him I learned a lot of things

Like all about the softer side of the opposite ***
But he was too much too soon and I couldn’t handle it

So friends we remained for a short time
Until another man caught my eye

Johnny taught me how to kiss for him
In the dark at my aunt’s house no less




That will remain one of my cherished memories
In the dark with you listening to Usher and Alicia Keys sing “My Boo”

You loved me without guilt or shame
But I knew nothing of love then

Now I do, and I know it was you
Who comforted me after my first fight

You warned me then that Chris wasn’t right
How I wish I would’ve listened

But I didn’t
And we went our separate ways

It breaks my heart looking back on it now
What you must have been going through what you must have been feeling

All the ways I must have hurt you
All the while I was too young and naive to see




Then I got the dreaded phone call
With it came an invitation

It had been at least 3 years
Since the last time I saw you alive and well

I couldn’t handle that ugly truth
So once again, I wasn’t there for you

It breaks my heart to say that
Because you were always there for me

I can’t believe no one stopped me
So I could stop you

I can’t believe I couldn’t bring myself to see all the good in you
And then try to make you see it too

It breaks my heart to think about your end
About how lost and lonely you must have been




I should have been there and I wasn’t
I let you down time and time again

And through all that
You still considered me your friend

It is something I will always have to bear
How I let someone go who needed me

So please if you can hear me
I apologize with every single fiber of my being
I apologize
I am so sorry
So so so sorry
For not being there
For not being the person you needed me to be
The same person you always were for me
I know I let you down
I love you
I miss you
And I am so so so sorry
I always see us as those two cats on the fence  

~R.I.H. Johnny~