I was nerdy-
Round glasses, long hair that went everywhere
Braces and chubby legs- my nose always in a book
My face- a ruddy bumpy mess with early acne at
age 10
You glanced sideways at me on the bus-
Perfect hair, trendy clothes, active party life
Made you higher- then me-
Made you better- then me-
Or so you thought, as you condescended to
smile at me once in a while
Like a dog on the street
Thank you
for reminding me
that I never belonged
Learned my social skills from books and public television  
Got better with age
Used to think the best way to like a guy was to insult them
all the time
Punch them in the arm- make up teasing songs about them
While secretly I pined and longed for a hug or a kiss-
Thinking it'd make me happy somehow
You laughed at my antics- seeing right through them
And teased me about every boy I liked in junior high
Spread the rumors, thought it was a game
Joked with your friends about how silly I was
Not like rejection wasn't hard enough without ridicule
Thank you
for reminding me
that I never belonged
I was a fat seventh-grader
Trying to fit in without necessary clothes
Or the money to buy it with
Stole my moms old hippie shirts and
All my sisters stuff I could get away with-
Wanting so badly to be the girl with a certain style
You- wearing your new outfit, best haircut, trendy jeans
told me I looked ridiculous
Said each new thing was absurd
I wrung my hands- pretended I did not hear
But hopeless- cried later-
Thinking that i’d
Never be popular
Never be anyone to notice
Never be possible to love
Thank you
for reminding me
that I never belonged



Now- full grown
Hut short
I have the knowledge of how to dress
What to do, what to say,
who to talk to

But most importantly though-
Now I know
That none of it matters-

Yet even now when you stand
in the pictures you take at the party you
never thought of inviting me to-

When you laugh at the memory of high school
drama without ever trying to understand
what actually happened

When you figure Im not worth getting to know

Its easy to revert
And go back to the little girl
Wanting so badly just to belong

But I try not to and bury that loneliness deep

And in the end, Im stronger for it, I guess-
Stronger for the bruises and blows you delt-



Strong enough
To let them go

And strong enough
To let your words fade-

Thank you
for reminding me
that I don't want to belong