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​whisper that you love me,
over spent shots & crushed glass
breakable under my boots
in a releasing sort of way

(our electricity gives me frizzy hair-
makes me feel like tangled braids are really just archetypal love nests)


there's always spilled beer
on your holy flannel shirt
as you count to thirty in
Spanish, eyes crunching with laughter
as you stumble over your self-made
mockery.

(a field of sunflowers would want a photo with you​-
to look fondly back on something so light​)


we split cigarettes on stoops
and helped each other achieve
sore guts and creased wrinkles
that our grandchildren will ​trace
and feel nostalgic for.

(​a past they never knew-
​you're the only one I ever split something with)
​.​
 Jan 2014 Amanda Stoddard
tayler
i see you in the silence
and the blanks of
mind. crazy how violence
says more about love
and its power. the contrast
is fading unlike your
eyebrows, and the last
drop of sanity hits the floor.
thoughts of you as
your actual presence,
because your absence has
finished its evanescence.
 Dec 2013 Amanda Stoddard
Eleanor
i am sick to my stomach
as i swallow the infertile glimpses of another's merriment
possibly plummeting into a darkness so indifferently black
a darkness-known only to the child in the mirror
and the girl staring back
with the wishes and wants that my body dribs
and with one quick collisional stroke on the child's beautifully painted canvass
one toss of the blade across her skin
one inkling of pain and i will hurt you
don't you touch the only thing i have left
don't you mess it up this time babe
she cannot have the pain
depression is the last thing the girl needs
it might just leave her empty
nevertheless not breathing

like it almost did to you
 Dec 2013 Amanda Stoddard
KB
When you no longer care
to pick up when he calls
Is this breaking up?
Are you stuck in a rut?
When "sorry" is empty,
tears no longer fall,
Is this where it ends
Or are you just stuck?
When you never feel lonely,
you only feel numb,
And the fights every night
seem to blur into one,
Are you behind the trigger
or under the gun?
When your head's never down
But you never look up,
When a night spent in silence
starts to feel like good luck,
Are you just in a rut
or is this breaking up?
Every single night, death comes and sits by my side
Every  time I  shut my  eyes,  by his rules do I abide
He taught me the intricate balance of questioning and acceptance
He also showed me the innate frailty of structure and permanence
I understood the difference between wisdom and knowledge
Also why  one  must, without dismissing, eat  one's porridge
That a bat can carry numerous diseases without  getting  ill
That seasons can bring change in the colours of a bird's bill
That questioning oneself requires immense strength  of will

He taught me when to swallow my pride
Whom to  trust, and  in  whom to confide
That one must take great caution while vowing vengeance
What's done is done, and can never be undone by penance
Things I never would've learned  had  I  stayed  on  in  college
He showed me that it's but a myth, the idea we call "flawless"
That  bending  the  limits  of  one's  mind  can too be  a  thrill
That  it's  tougher to  bring  life  than  it  is  to  make  the  ****
How ever hard you may try, life's essence you  cannot  distill
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