Amanda Shelton

Amanda Shelton Sep 2023

Inside my mind lives memories
of pain and suffering.

PTSD kidnapped me.
After it caught me
it collected
my blood and tears,
drank my pain
and spit it out,
made me watch
as it danced around
laughing in my face
like some sadistic clown.

It caged my self esteem,
pushed me around
until I fell,
it punched me
when I was down.

It beat me up,
pulled me up by its strings,
it shoved me in a box
flooding it with
my tears and blood
drowning me in its mud.

PTSD is like a ghost
it haunts
my dreams
and reality.

But I have grown
braver and stronger
so trauma
can't beat me anymore.

I built a foundation
that's stable and capable
of protecting me
from the past.

Trauma is a ghost
from my past,
it will always
haunt me.

My scars are visible
but a testament to my
struggles and survival.

©️ 2023 By Amanda Shelton

Amanda Shelton Sep 2023

Sobriety Is Recovery

You are worth it.

There are struggles,
we all need to learn
to accept ourselves and
to let go of our past
aggressions.

To forgive yourself is
the biggest lesson.

It leads to love and acceptance
of self.

In love you will find
peace and comfort and
within that peace you will find time and within that time
is recovery.

It takes one step at a time.

©️ 2023 By Amanda Shelton

Amanda Shelton Sep 2023

Never Say Goodbye

When I fall I fall hard but recover fast.

I don't want to run away
from my last panic attack.

I don't want to face pain
like its my last breath.

I don't want to skip one minute
to reach the last.

I want to take my time
as if its my last.

I want to enjoy what I have,
and live for the moment.

I'd rather skip the thought
of death and remember life
as if its my best friend.

I don't want to be a fading star
waiting for my last burst.

All the times I am holding on to
is nothing, for I am never coming back.

I will be a memory and
my actions will be all
that is left.

Don't say goodbye,
and leave forever.

Oh no, I am lighting my candle
and leaving it in my window
so you all can return and
see my flame, its burning
on this page.

©️ 2023 By Amanda Shelton

Amanda Shelton Sep 2023

I, I am

I,
I am me.

I, I am
a shadow
sitting in the dark
soaking up the light.

I, I am
a hollow full of tears
from past struggles.

I, I am
a scar
painful and lingering
I am irritated at times
but still healing.

I, I am
a broken heart
bruised but not beaten
by my broken love affairs.

I, I am
hollow once in awhile
as depression fells my
emptiness with its blackness.

I, I am
a muscle
I am stronger
than I believe I am,
until I decide to left
my own weight.

I, I am
a dream within a dream
dreaming of being awake.

I, I am
possibilities for I am
capable of change and growth.

I, I am
beyond the static of thought,
I am beyond your
dreams and wishes
for I am a fading star.

I, I am
human,
I am the breath of
creativity and emotions
for I am intelligent.

I, I am
love for I was born
with an infinite
heart space.

I, I am
autism for I was born
uniquely autistically me.

©️ 2023 By Amanda Shelton

Amanda Shelton Sep 2023

The Foolish Jester

I know a fool,
he's my ex narcissist
who pretended to be
my boyfriend for seven years.

A fool is to be a rambling jester,
jumping around making jokes
for entertainment.

You can't speak with a fool
for they are always playing
the part of the jester.

You are but the fools victim.

They are capable of driving
the smartest people into
madness to steal everything
they worked for and blame
them for the crimes.

A fool is a narcissist in disguise.

©️ 2023 By Amanda Shelton

Amanda Shelton Sep 2023

Ghostly Shadows

The shadows of my life move along the walls in my mind, always evolving through the
doorways of my dreams.

Move away, move away,
always evolving opening
doors to possibilities.

Did I change?
Did I move?
Did I become the shadow?

The flies always return,
bodies decay and souls leave.
Ghosts.

Move away, move away,
beyond this two dimensional
space of dreaming minds,
they collide locked in a dance
between two hearts tied
together by strings.

Do we ever truly die?

How can we die if our memories
live on?

Move away, move away,
into the dark my shadow sleeps, until the light returns.
Nothing remains but my ghost.

©️ 2023 By Amanda Shelton

We live on through the memories people have of us. Some people are unforgettable others fade into the minds of the crowd.

Amanda Shelton Sep 2023

Oh Boy, You're Such A Drag

You made me bring a bag boy,
you were such a drag boy.

You forgot to grow into
a man boy, you hit 30
and you passed go awhile ago
but you didn’t collect the $200
before you stole my heart boy,
now your broke and
I am beating bleeding
on the floor boy.

You made me bring a bag boy,
you broke my back all for
a drag boy.

You’re no man, you’re a drag
in a bag boy.

The smudges you left behind are
following my shadow like
a drag boy.

Now I am fighting your ghost.

©️ 2023 By Amanda Shelton