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Amanda Shelton Dec 2022
Once upon a time I was happy,
wishful and strong.

But you came walking in on
a heart string, vibrating
reality until I got dizzy.

I started to fall,
my walls weakened
and crumbled underneath
your crushing waves.

The vision of you became
a monstrous view.

I began panicking trying to
run away from you.

The constant nagging and
emotional abuse beat me
until I was a bruised
damaged muse.

My fire started to fade,
you stole my kindling
and claimed it as yours,
you choked my flames.

All that remains is ruble
and ashes, the ruins from
passed failed attempts to
save our relationship.

You failed it all,
for cigarettes
and a quick fix.

You're not the sharpest tool
in my shed, you're weak and
rusted nothing can clean your
crusted heart.

It fell apart before you
came knocking on my door.

You are a faded memory of what
we could have been.

©️ 2022 By Amanda Shelton
Amanda Shelton Nov 2022
I want to shed my leafs
like a tree in autumn
so in spring I can renew
my life and move forward.

I want to shed the tears
and all the damaged years
you left behind.

I want to be free from your
in caged memories you left
inside my dreams and waking
mind. So I can enjoy my sailing
ship's and windows felled with
candles and waining dreams
that dream of me as I set
like the sun releasing beams
of poetry as the seasons change.

I fade into orange, yellow
and white until I am black
sky's sprinkled with stars.

I want to be free from your
anxiety and depression.

Release me from your *******
so I can be the person I am
meant to be.

Set me free into the Gothic realms
of my poetic life. Where I thrive
upon creativity.

©️ By Amanda Shelton
Amanda Shelton Nov 2022
My Gothic heart bleeds for you,
it bleeds poetry.

It's pooling on this digital platform,
at its base I lay.

Thorne's in cage my heart
with roots growing from its
depths my rose wilted
awhile ago.

My ghost remains.

A perfume of poetic expressions,
disaster's and clashers in my life.

I suffer and I rise,
I fall and I crawl,
I am bruised but not beaten.

My Gothic heart bleeds for you,
it bleeds poetry.

The darkening came it tried to claim
my worth with its claws of shame,
it left me with open wounds and
anxiety.

I kept crawling through the dark,
until I can see a bit of light.

It is blurry and not so bright,
it seems the dark stretches far
beyond the horizon with streams
of light shining through.

My Gothic heart bleeds for you,
it bleeds poetry.

©️ 2022 By Amanda Shelton
Amanda Shelton Nov 2022
Wrap me up in your warm embrace
like a rose not yet blooming,
you're heat radiates from my depths
its perfume lingers on my dreams.

Like a soft calm breeze
winter kissed my cheeks
cooling my fire.

I buckled at the knees,
falling deeply into the
depths of me. Fighting fear
and anxiety trapped there
always falling.

Alice! Don't forget about me,
my arms reach from the depths
as if I am but a dream I dreamt.

I am like ashes to the wind,
in my mind I once dug deep
amongst the charred ruins
of my heart.

There lives my ghost,
a former self that lost
its esteem amongst the
remains of myself.

Here lies me once a bright
and brilliant star, now
a blackened thing crisp
and burnt.

Help me!

©️ 2022 By Amanda Shelton
Amanda Shelton Nov 2022
I feel you crumbling in my arms
like a porcelain heart down
to the girth you fell so hard.

Why don't you take what you want,
why don't you take what you need,
why don't you take what you came for and leave me alone?

Life's too short to keep running
from the beast.

Life's only one road trip,
I've chosen me.

No narcissist is going to control me.

You left your shadow hovering over
my bed, with your vampire teeth.

My lucid dreams are bleeding,
bleeding black and deep.

You will never meet anyone like me.

Why don't you take what you want,
why don't you take what you need,
why don't you take what you came for and leave me alone?

Life's too short to keep running
from the beast.

Life's only one road trip,
I've chosen me.

©️ 2022 By Amanda Shelton
This is inspired by my ex narcissistic boyfriend.
Amanda Shelton Nov 2022
A skunk is eating the Tweety.

Here's a fair well to Twitter.

May the tweety live on in our
memories.

Tweet tweet Twitter.

You lost your wings when you lost
your mind to the mindless twitter
streams from crazy people.

No one saw your demise.

No one thought you'd fall so hard.

Poor Twitter drowning slowly
in the arms of a greedy narcissist
with shady eyes, and no morals to
stand his ground.

Elon Musk smells like a nasty skunk.

He shot Twitter between the eyes
and laugh's while making money
off his lies and Twitters demise.
I doubt he enjoyed every bite he took
as he slowly devoured it's bones
and feathers. He probably coughed
up the pieces he couldn't disgust
like an owl.

Aduie Twitter, it's been a fun ride.

©️ 2022 By Amanda Shelton
For our future children who forget about Twitter. Elon Musk is a billionaire dummy, who claimed to be a genius but couldn't show it. He killed a popular social media platform called Twitter within a few months after he illegally abstained the website. His narcissistic personality kicked in and he dominated the platform losing control over it's algorithm and he fired all of the staff. He can't program nor run anything so it failed bitterly and hard very quickly. He's all bank no genius. Everyone sees the true fraud he is. Elon Musk is a stinky skunk that ate Twitter. I doubt he enjoyed every bite he took as he slowly devoured it's bones and feathers. He probably coughed up the pieces he couldn't disgust like an owl.
Amanda Shelton Nov 2022
Upon my falling tears
I release my fears,
my sadness and insecurities
are set free.

My passed progressions, become
aggressions temporarily so
I can cope with the anxiety
and depression.

Like a Torero, I grow slowly
to a shadows pase, two shay.

The PTSD is the worst part
of building me.

I never built my own bridges,
everything has been a bit
unstable. Like a house of
cards, my house crumbled
with the slightest touch.

I played the game I pretended
to be normal, now I’m tired and
wanting to be who I was meant
to be. Uniquely autistically me.

I am building my first bridge,
fireproof and waterproof with
a **** to hold my sorrows.

©️ 2022 By Amanda Shelton
I started counseling. I went to my second appointment today. I am going weekly on Wednesday at 9 am. I am finally building my own bridges so I can stand by myself. I have discovered I never had a self. I have body dysphoria and it's holding me back. I need to build myself to deal with the abuse I suffered. My ex did a lot of damage and I already was damaged. I worked hard to build a platform for myself and he tore it down in two years and I didn't have a chance to build it back because I was trapped for seven years in his abusive tactics. He neglected me when I needed him, he expected me to sacrifice everything for him and he did nothing but complain about everything blaming me for his discomfort. He caused me paranoia and anxiety because he broke my self esteem and security. He stole and lied to me. He gaslighted everything I did and tried to mock me and steal my work for himself. The dude made a blog similar to my own and got upset when he didn't get the same attention I get. When I worked hard to build my community, it took years for me to get my blog where it's at. He can't achieve the same thing in one post. He can't even write good poetry. His makes no sense. He needs to work hard to learn how to write poetry. I have been writing since I was seven years old, before I could write my mom wrote for me and I told her what to write. I am autistic too so I started out slowly. Building my blogs helped me improve my writing skills because I wanted to learn and get critical help from my readers. You guys are my muse and support. He doesn't want to work so he failed. He also made it harder for me to grieve for my mom after she passed. He wasn't supportive instead he was attacking me and accusing me of cheating when he was the one cheating. He bugged my apartment to collect evidence I was cheating. He got very mean when he couldn't get the evidence he wanted. My mom had to help me protect myself after he broke into my apartment and stole food and used my stuff in 2014. He never apologized or took responsibility for his crimes. Our community doesn't care about me either, they didn't punish him after he was reported and caught. They literally paid for the damages and he is free to cause more damage. He also murdered his cat while he tore apart his apartment and ended up in the hospital for mental health. He ended up breaking out of the hospital and walked home ****** and mentally unstable. I reported him but nothing was done. He brought dug dealers and prostitutes into his apartment. Pretended to not know they were criminal's yet he brought them in to make deals and feed his own addiction. I am forced to deal with the mental health issues he caused. Our justice system is broken, there's no protection or justice. I am proof. It needs to change. The lack of justice is damaging lives.
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