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Amanda Shelton May 2021
On a cold dark road
there was a shimmer
in the distance, like
a ocean chillen in the night
the reflection was clear
and blue.

A cool breeze is blowing
over the hills, as the stars
wink and gaze upon the dark
haze.

You think to yourself,
this must be a dream.

Then a lite music slowly begins
to play, the sound is drawing
you closer to the edge of the
water.

A mist starts to gather,
a fog is coming in, the
cool wind kisses your skin.
Chills run down your spine,
goosebumps rise and you shiver
from its icy touch.

The song dances in your mind,
it pokes and pinches your
brain with stimulation from its
heavy sounds of water swooshing
about.

You feel like an ocean of
waves, lisping up and down.

Your mind is drifting upon
a dreamers raft, drifting
deeper into the fog and wind.

©️ 2021 By Amanda Shelton
Amanda Shelton Apr 2021
Deep within my heart
lives love, there it is
cultivated and fed.

But my love is restless,
it is rooted in unstable
ground.

My foundation is neglected
by loves lacking embrace,
its touch hurts, brings
pain and scars.

My heart once had a dream
of being held and supported,
by a bond between two souls searching for love.

I was rudely awakened by
pain and heart break.

©️ 2021 By Amanda Shelton
I have been abused by a narcissistic boyfriend. I am still dealing with the damage. I have decided to no longer date nor have romantic relationships. I am not very good at being romantic. Also, I am damaged from passed abuse. I have had only three boyfriend's, they all were long term and ended because of the guys issues. I didn't expect to be dumped because they didn't tell me anything was wrong. The last boyfriend gaslighted me and made me feel crazy. He also made me feel ugly and insecure because he was jealous and complained about my makeup and everything I did. He accused me of cheating while he was doing drugs and breaking into my internet and devices. I don't trust anyone anymore to be honest with me. I've learned no one is honest. People are too busy trying to please themselves and trying to control everything. I am always on the side watching everyone behave like selfish robots seeking popularity. It's sad. I want to be with someone who is available and doesn't care about how much junk they can get. Just hangout and be with me. Tell me I am perfect just the way I am. Make me feel good about myself. Support my life by making me feel comfortable and confident in everything I do.
Amanda Shelton Apr 2021
Blue’s stained my mind
with its shady rolls of
ocean waves, tears flood
the shores of my dreams
as emotion’s move deeper
still fooling my vision
of calming tides.

I lost my mind alone the
road to the hole I dug
to bury my pain.

My heart overflows with
fog rain and wind, causing
a storm to beat at the bones
of my ribcage, leaving me
sore.

Sadness tripped me
before I could run.

I pull the strings of my life,
I draw the lines too, like a master
of my own design I created the
possibilities to survive.


©️ 2021 By Amanda Shelton
Amanda Shelton Apr 2021
Burning memories,
with my heart.

Together we made
a love story.

Each turning page is
a mile in our lives.

The breeze pushes the
waves, pushing me closer
to the edge of my dreams.

I can barely see
the future but it’s
still there in its
frame. A bit blurred
and so far away.

I still remember your
gentle touch, your soft
kisses and hugs.

You are engraved in my
memory like perfumed
roses slowly dieing after
bring picked for viewing
pleasure.

These diluted dreams are
stitched upon my skin,
forever a stain, your memory
is sawn within my life,
and scratched within my book.

©️ 2021 By Amanda Shelton
Amanda Shelton Apr 2021
Boom boom bang*!
My lows are lowering,
my highs go thigh high
lower now. My ankles hurt
from the pressure.

I’ve got the need to sing
the blues, no lyrics, no rain,
just blues and sad clouds darkening.

The rain is falling now,
I’ve got the bucket out.

The mountains are building
higher too, I’ve got to work
My wings so I can fly.

My heart is beating loud,
my arteries are ready to
pop and bleed out.

Emotions rear, silently screaming,
burning from the inside out,
the storm is drowning happiness
but the steam is rising.

Happiness takes a break for now,
I’ll remember you I promised myself.

I left my candle on the window ceil,
where my poetry rests and awaits my
return.

Here I am in a slow burn,
the currents smoke and
rises in ashes,
as my wick flares and sparks
with doom blooming, as clouds
of smoke chokes me,
I am still breathing this
diluted air with little or
no confidence.

But I know I’m stronger,
I’m faster, I’m smarter than
before.

I am a natural born fighter,
my momma taught me well.

Never let the devil win,
I’ve got the cards, I’m
the string’s and I can sing.

Be brave, be proud, be loud,
stay strong and firm, like
a rock on the ocean floor.

I’m stronger now,
stronger than before.

I’m like a mountain, my
peek’s are sharp and rises
above the clouds.

©️ 2021 By Amanda Shelton
Amanda Shelton Apr 2021
This was a lucid dream I had.
Part three of my lucid dream series.
-----------
The sun devours me,
like a dragon its blaze
burns me.

Blood is life but a
curse, my soul is lost
to its flood.

Ashes are my fate the
end is hot and sweat.

Death forgot about me
long ago, left me drowning
in darkness.

Such things exist in nightmares,
our worst ideas come from the
depths of darkness creating
monster’s from fanged teeth.

We bite and drink from the fable’s
we’ve shared, like vampires lurking
in the shadows of our minds.

To be a monster is to be alive
but dead at the same time.

The grave was dug centuries
before our time.

The shadows have a heartbeat,
anxiety shines, tells you to
run, tells you to hide.

But nothing can stop death,
she’s a beautiful theft with
beautiful eyes. She sees you
in your sleep, she knows when
you are scared, she knows when
it is your time. Her kiss is the
last you will crave, desire wins
everytime.

The Vampires curse is a fabled
truth, its a monster living behind
your own eyes.

A story, a myth passed on
through the years.

©️ 2021 By Amanda Shelton
This is the third vampire poem part of my lucid dream series. I had a lucid dream where I was forced to follow a vampire. I sleep walked. I tried waking myself up by touching a wall but it failed. I knew I was dreaming and sleep walking. I was forced to endure the dream until I heard a scream and a loud boom. I do suffer from a rare condition called exploding head syndrome. Stress causes it. It causes me to hear a loud boom or bang, sometimes screaming or yelling. It ****'s me awake every time it happens. I had the dream the day after Christmas. I was very sick and went to the hospital on Christmas morning. It stressed me out.
Amanda Shelton Apr 2021
Ti’s a dream of mine,
to fly above the mountains and sea.

To be free from the cage
I was born in.

My autistic mind is that like
a tree, it grew into the plot
I’ve dug; my roots are deep and strong.

I have fought infections
and disease.

I have suffered on my hands
and knees.

I sacrificed myself for
illness and family.

What has autism done for me?

It taught me how to be smart.

How to communicate and collaborate.

It taught me the importance of community and guidance.

It taught me how to love
unconditionally, without
judgement, honestly and
openly.

I am a unicorn amounts horses and ponies.

My brain is textured and viscous, it pushes me to the edge of reality. Forces me to
face my fears.

Anxiety and depression are my roommates but never
do I invite them.

To be me, is like being Alice
peeking through the looking glass.

Come have tea with me.

I’m the best hostess because
I always over achieve.

Niceness is like the sweetest candy, I am such a sweet ****.

I’m honest to a default.

Autism and me.

©️ 2021 By Amanda Shelton
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