By: Amanda Lynn Carter
3/17/15
Inspired by: JWF

Alone again,
Though really it's still
I never had you
And I never will

You're not even real,
Just a wish and a dream
I only saw
What I wanted it seems

You're not who I thought
You aren't what I need
But I still love you
And want you with me

Not that it matters,
You've made it clear
To you I'm a friend,
Not someone more dear

You enjoy my company,
In and out of bed,
But any more than that
Has just been in my head

And in my heart
Where you've taken a place
When I think of love
I now see your face

I fell in-love,
And I'm falling back out,
But it's a long painful journey;
A difficult route

So please be gentle
As I grieve for you;
For the loss of a dream
That will never come true

At night I cry myself to sleep
And pray that I forget him
All day through I masquerade
As if I don't still miss him

I think about him every night
And tears roll down my cheek
He left without so much as goodbye
Someone else's love to seek

He said he'd love me forever
Well that didn't last very long
We'd never split he told me
I guess he told me wrong

What happened to all those promises
He made along the way?
To love and cherish and hold me
And by my side to stay?

They're broken now; just like my heart
With pieces scattered around
He told me so many beautiful things
But he lied a lot I've found

Worthless, useless
Helpless, alone
Uncared-for, forgotten
Unwanted, unknown

A burden, an anchor
A cross to bear
A big obligation
You wish wasn’t there

That’s all that I am
And all I can be
I can’t pull my weight
Or make you love me

A weight on your chest
Not letting you breathe
A cloud full of rain
That you just want to leave

Most people don’t notice
As I’m sinking down
Some say “Cheer up!”
Wow! I’m all better now

Thanks for the help
I’m glad you were here
I’m no longer sad
You've filled me with cheer

Is that what they think?
That’s all that it takes?
They tell me “cheer up”
And my heart no longer aches?

I wish it were that simple
A magical cure
Everything is better
After hearing those two words

But really nothing’s better
If just proves that you don’t understand
You've always stood on solid ground
But I’m sinking in quicksand

Now I’m sinking faster
Your words cut to the bone
I know it wasn't your intent
But you made me feel more alone

You say “cheer up”
Why didn't I think of that?
I guess you think
I want to feel this bad

Or else you think I’m stupid
Why else would I be so sad?
If being happy were so easy
Wouldn't everyone be glad?

So next time please think
Before you say “cheer up”
If someone’s already sad
It could make them just give up

There’s no one to hold me
To tell me “It’ll be alright”
No one to love me
Or to kiss me goodnight

I’m always alone
With no one to care
Longing for someone
Who isn’t there

Wishing for love
On every star
Looking for comfort
From near or far

Hoping for someone
Who will honestly care
Waiting for someone
Who will always be there

Wanting to love
And be loved just the same
For someone to know me
Not just my name

Longing and searching
In vain so it seems
Only ever finding love
In my dreams

Am I destined
To be alone?
To wonder through life
Unloved and unknown?

So hungry for love
Someone to call mine
Desperately hoping
For some kind of sign

Something to tell me
He’s on his way
He’s searching for me
And he’ll find me one day

That someone will love me
That someone will care
That I won’t be alone
That he will be there

Waiting and hoping
For it to be true
I guess for now
That’s all I can do

Anger takes over
I’m out of control
Righting an injustice
My only goal

I’m not thinking straight
I’m acting dumb
My heart’s so impassioned
That my brain is numb

Fighting for vengeance
With a righteous wrath
Anger has blinded me
To any other path

Not thinking it through
I’m not being smart
I’m not using my brain
Just following my heart

There will be a price
I’ll have to pay
But I’m too angry
To care today

I’m not in control
Just along for the ride
Driven by Anger
With Right on my side

What’s right and what’s smart
Aren’t always the same
‘Cause life isn’t fair
And victims get blamed

It isn’t right
But you can’t change the facts
Sometimes you shouldn’t
Fight back when attacked

I’ll have to pay
For my actions today
My fault or not
I’ll pay either way

Losing control
Always costs quite a lot
Whether you’re right
Or whether you’re not

So fight for control
Hold onto the wheel
Try to steer straight
However you feel

‘Cause if you don’t
It’s you that will pay
For letting control
Of the wheel get away

Lonely and lost
In a world full of fears
I cry and call out
But nobody hears

Or else they don’t care
Which is even worse
People don’t tell you
But apathy hurts

So I sit and I cry
My eyes full of tears
Lost and helpless
Alone with my fears

I’ve pleaded for death
For my life to be done
I’ve called for the reaper
But he hasn’t come

I’m afraid to die
I’m scared it will hurt
But life hurts so much
It can’t be much worse

Then it will be over
The pain and the stress
The longing and sadness
And deep loneliness

I wish that my parents
Hadn’t had me
That I’d never been born
And that I wasn’t me

I’m tired of trying
And giving my all
Of doing my best
Only to fall

I’m tired of loving
With my heart on my sleeve
Of being reminded
That everyone leaves

I don’t want to die
But I’m sick of life
It’s a double-edged blade
On a big scary knife

Both choices ****
Either way I lose
Nothing is easy
Whichever I choose

She took her love
Away from me
Something I thought
I’d never see

She stopped loving me
And I don’t know why
Now all that’s left
Is to sit and cry

She broke my heart
When she left that day
I thought she’d never
Go away

She was there for me
For thirty years
To share my smiles
And dry my tears

Then she turned away
And walked out the door
And nothing’s the same
As it was before

Without her love
I feel incomplete
A jigsaw puzzle
With a missing piece

She was there all my life
Through good and through bad
Now she’s disappeared
And it makes me so sad

Hurt and confused
And wondering why
She left without
Even saying goodbye

I loved her so much
All these years
Now all that’s left
Are memories and tears

It’s him that I want
Though Heaven knows why
He’s not all that different
From those other guys

What makes him so special?
What makes me yearn?
Well that’s a secret
I’ve yet to learn

They think that they’re funny
They play with my mind
To them it’s a game
To me it’s unkind

It’s just a joke
Or so they say
What they don’t know
Is they just ruined my day

If you love someone and they love you
But it doesn't work out what do you do?
You try really hard to make it work out
But ever present is the doubt

Is he the one you should be with?
Is true love a fact or a myth?
Is there someone meant just for you?
Or will you be waiting your whole life through?

You love him now but you've loved before
Who’s to say you won’t love anymore?
It doesn't work so you call it quits
But as time passes you reminisce

You miss the good times
And how happy you were
But it’s too late now
‘Cause he’s found her

Sleep eludes me
Runs off and hides
I can't seem to find it
Though I've searched far and wide

I toss and I turn
Unable to rest
I turn and I toss
But still get no rest

Insomnia holds me
Won't set me free
I try to break loose
While he laughs at me

Where is the Sandman
I'm longing to see
To fight off Insomnia
And help me find sleep?

Asleep on the job
Not ready to work
Wake up and help me
You Sandman ****!

They think that he’s perfect
They think that he’s prime
But I don’t want him
Or he could be mine

I could have him if I tried
But he’s not worth my time

He’s just a pretty face
A great body too
But I've got better taste
I’m in-love with you!

He gives me chills
He makes me hot
What he wants
He knows I’ve got

He makes me tingle
With every touch
I didn’t know
I’d like it that much

I’m short of breath
And my heart pounds
Anytime
He comes around

I want him more
With every day
I really can’t help
Feeling this way

He makes me love him
With every smile
I hope that he
Will stick around for a while

Some people are so nice
You just have to smile
And others so mean
It's quite a trial

Sometimes I lose faith
In the whole human race
Then someone will come
Put a smile on my face

They restore my belief
That people are GOOD
That people exist
Who do what they should

Be kind, fair and honest
Spread love and delight
Respect other people
And do what is right!

I'm lucky to call
Some of these people my friends
And am grateful to know
They'll be there till the end

They'll be there for me
When I am in need
and be happy to know
They've done a good deed

It warms my heart
To see people like this
To know that they're there
That they still exist

It makes me so happy
I smile like a dope
They restore my faith
And give me new hope!

When the sun no longer shines
And brightens darker skies
That’s when I’ll stop loving you

When fish no longer swim
And the world no longer spins
That’s when I’ll stop loving you

When I no longer breathe
When I this earth shall leave
That’s when I’ll stop loving you

Why won’t he
Set me free
To live my life
And follow my dreams?

Why must I
Stand idly by
And let him live
As I cry?

Why can he
Happy be
And love someone
Who is not me?

Why do I
Sit and cry
And all day long
Wonder why?

Why is life so complicated
Can’t anything be easy?
Night after night I've contemplated
But still can find no reason

Every night I lie awake
And wonder at the world
What new turns my life will take
And what new mysteries will unfurl

If I never stopped to question
Perhaps it would be best
I’d lose my indigestion
And maybe get some rest

Love or hate
Friend or foe
In this world
Who’s to know?

Friends betray
With a Judas’ kiss
And lovers too
Your heart dismiss

How cruel the fate
That lets you care
Then leaves your heart
In bitter despair

The heart is tender
And easily bruised
And consequently
Frequently used

Love and pain
They come together
To rejoice in one
You must suffer the other

That’s the way
This harsh world turns
To be warmed by the fire
You sometimes must burn

Always sticking out
Never quite fitting in
Never really belonging
Anywhere I've been

Always feeling alone
Even in a crowd
Never being heard
Even when I scream out loud

Never loved or missed
Always an after-thought
Readily dismissed
The one that you forgot

Lonely and scared
That I'll always be alone
No one knocking on my door
No one calling on the phone

That's how it's always been
Just me all on my own
No one there to hold me
So I spend my life alone

See no, hear no
Speak no wrong
Pretend it’s alright
And that you are strong

Pretend you don’t see it
Pretend you don’t care
That it didn’t happen
Or that you weren’t there

If you just deny it
It will all disappear
Like it never happened
No worries or fear

It’s safer than facing
The truth that it’s real
That it all really happened
And that you can’t deal

The truth is life
Really isn’t fair
And no one cares
When you get scared

So tell yourself lies
So you’re not afraid
That nothing bad happened
And that you are brave

No one will help you
They’ll just watch you drown
They don’t care you can’t swim
And can’t reach the ground

So lie to yourself
If it helps you to cope
Pretend people care
To give yourself hope

If it helps you survive
And get through the pain
Then lie to yourself
If it helps you stay sane

I just met a guy
That I like a lot
He's funny and sweet
And incredibly hot!

He makes me feel special
And treats me as such
I melt from his smile
Get chills from his touch

We have great talks
Some silly, some deep
He gives me a feeling
That I want to keep

I feel safe and warm
When he holds me tight
When we cuddle up close
It just feels so right

We've only just met
So I don't want to rush
But I can't deny
I've got a really big crush

I like him more
Than I've liked in a while
I can't look at him
Without starting to smile

He's tender and sweet
He's kind and smart
He makes me think
And gives hope to my heart

This thing that we have
Is exciting and new
Only time will tell
If it's real; if it's true

But for now I'm happy
To just see where it leads
Beautiful gardens can grow
From the smallest of seeds

Lied to
Cheated on
Hurt
And abused

Bruised
And broken
Mistreated
And used

Washed up
Thrown out
Discarded
Trash

Left over
Hand-me-down
Unwanted
Crap

Defeated
And hopeless
Forgotten
Alone

Abandoned
To Fate
And left
On my own

The darker it gets
The more stars you see
But without the sun
Life wouldn't be

Without the sun
Everything dies
Hope, joy and laughter
Replaced by my cries

Eternal night
Is filled with despair
I long for the sun
But it just isn't there

It's too dark to see
As I hang my head
Without the sun's light
I soon will be dead

But without the sun
I just don't care
Why live a life
That's full of despair?

I close my eyes
To wait for the end
And remember the sun
My long-lost, dear friend

I'm hopeful again
With one word from you
The sadness is gone
I'm happy anew

You brightened my world
Bringing sun to my skies
With a few simple words
You light up my eyes

You check off my list
Like a wish coming true
When I sleep at night
Now my dreams are of you

I have hope for the future
That we're meant to last
We've only just met
But I'm falling so fast

You're all that I want
I could tell right away
We were destined to meet
Somehow, some way

You were meant just for me
And I'm meant for you
We'll build a love that will last
One that's honest and true

To build something strong
We shouldn't move too fast
I want something true
And I want it to last

But don't move to slow
For something this great
I've waited so long
But you're worth the wait

One more big let down
Another 'Oh well'
An unpleasant moment
I try not to dwell

I try to think happy
Be cheery and bright
Not focus on sadness
And keep joy in sight

Sometimes it's a struggle
Sometimes I can't cope
Sometimes it's too hard
And I give up all hope

It's one of those moments
It could go either way
I try to stay happy
At least one more day

Don't know if I'll win
But I just have to try
Just keep right on smiling
Don't let myself cry

Just keep right on going
Despite my new scars
Keep trying and hoping
And wishing on stars

Sometimes they come true
I'll keep wishing away
It will happen some day
It just won't be today

But tomorrow is new
A brand new fresh start
A chance to start over
And fill up my heart

So I'll hold on tonight
Tomorrow start new
I'll keep right on wishing
What else can I do?

Disappointments abound
That's just part of life
It promises joy
Then stabs in the knife

It takes pleasure in pain
And laughs as you cry
When you think it's 'Hello'
It could be 'Goodbye'

A perverse sense of humor
A sick, twisted mind
It rarely allows
You to keep what you find

So when you find joy
Make sure to hold tight
In thwarting Life's pains
Be sure to delight

Find joy where you can
And put up a fight
When Life tries to take it
Use all of your might

There's sorrow enough
Without giving in
Hold on to what's yours
And don't let Life win!

I miss the way I felt with you
Holding me so tight
I miss the care-free happy days
And the warm and cozy nights

I miss the sight
Of your form and face
I miss the feel
Of your loving embrace

I miss the way you looked at me
Like I was a dream come true
So what I’m trying to say
Is that what I miss is you

You took my heart for ransom
But the price was paid in tears
So give me back the prize
You've held onto all these years

You didn't earn it or deserve it
It's worth more than you'll ever see
You've abused it and misused it
Now give it back to me!

Am I as interchangeable
As a shirt or a hat?
Do I really not mean
Any more to you than that?

I know you don't love me
That I don't pretend
But silly me
I thought we were friends

The joke's on me
'Cause now I see
Anyone would do
We're all the same to you

Well I'm not just one in a bunch
And believe me, you'll know
'Cause you'll live to regret
The day you let me go

It’s too soon to be love
But it’s more than lust
I just met this guy
But I’ve got a huge crush

We can talk for hours
There’s so much we share
Interests and values;
We’re both people who care

Just thinking of him
Makes me smile
And we’ve known each other
Such a short while

He says that I’m beautiful
And I think he’s hot
I like spending time
With him a LOT

He’s sweet and cute
And funny too
I hope to see him again
Really soon

I know that he likes me
But I don’t know how much
Don’t know where it’s headed
Or if we’ll keep in touch

But I think I could fall for him
Fall hard and fast
So I hope that he likes me
‘Like that’ and it lasts

Push me away
Then pull me near
Make me laugh
Then shed a tear

Are you playing a game?
Is that what you do?
If so, you win
I give up; I’m through

Go brag to your friends
That you broke another heart
Find someone new
To play the victim’s part

Just go ahead leave me
If that’s what you do
But before you go
Please tell me the truth

Why me?
And not some other chick?
How do you decide?
Who do you pick?

Why does it amuse you
To cause others pain?
What does it give you?
What do you gain?

Just answer my questions
And be on your way
And despite my heartache
Have a nice day!

From happy to sad
In the blink of an eye
You make me smile
Then want to cry

Constantly shifting
Like ground made of sand
Never quite certain
Don’t know where I stand

Should I stay or just leave
And walk out the door
I think that you want me
But I can’t tell for sure

You’ve been hurt before
Yeah, well guess what? Me too!
But you’re not the guy he was
And I didn’t do those things to you

I want to get to know you
But you won’t let me in
I know trusting can’t be easy
After where you’ve been

But I promise not to hurt you
If you’ll give me a try
That I always will be honest
And not deceive you with a lie

So open up that door a crack
Just enough to let me in
And no matter what else happens
I’ll always be your friend

What a laugh!
What a joke!
Fairy tales breed
Only false hope

What knight in shining armor
Will ride to rescue me?
And damsel in distress?
I dare not claim to be

If I kiss a frog
A frog he shall remain
The results with any other
Beast would be the same

Faith in fairy tales
Leads only to sorrow;
The dreams of today
Turn to heart-break tomorrow

If you’re gone
Why won’t you leave?
I haven’t seen you in years
But you’re still with me

You never really loved me
You just played with my heart
Do you think love’s a game?
Were you playing a part?

You took all that I had
I’ve nothing left to give
My heart will be yours
For as long as I live

Stop haunting my dreams
Just let me be
Let go of my mind
And set me free

Chaos, confusion
A strong urge to scream
Running in terror
Fighting to breathe

Panic approaching
In a dark swirling cloak
Fear consuming me
Making me choke

Reality slowly sinks in
It’s hopeless it seems
There’s no use in running
You can’t hide from your dreams

With his dazzling blue eyes
And his curly blonde hair
He made me feel wanted
It seemed like he cared

We talked for hours
The time flew by
We merged together
And then said goodbye

I’ll probably never
See him again
And if I do
We’ll only be friends

But I’ll love him forever
For making me smile
And making me feel
That I’m worth the while

I think about him
All the time
Can't seem to get him
Off my mind

He's really smart
And has much to teach
He's funny too
And really sweet

I like him a lot
Which makes me scared
I've been hurt before
When I've dared to care

But I know he likes me
And that gives me hope
That things can go right;
I'll have no need to mope

I know it will be hard
But I'd like to take the chance
With him I see the potential
For a really great romance

I hope he thinks it's worth it
To take this risk with me
So win or lose we don't
Have to wonder what could be

The ball's in his court
He knows how I feel
I'm not big on games
I like to stay real

So now I just wait
And I hope, and I fret
That he decides that
I'm a pretty good bet

My heart says ‘He’s perfect’
My mind says ‘Yeah, right’
I’m caught in the middle
Of an internal fight

My body wants him
My head says ‘No’
If he wanted me anywhere
There I would go

He’s wrong for me
I already know
He’s hurt me before
But my heart won’t let go

I can’t stand the pain
But I can’t forget him
Sometimes I wish
That I had never met him

I’d have missed the pain
But the happiness too
If I could go back
I know what I’d do

I’d keep the joy
I’d do it the same
For that boy
I’d suffer the pain

I wish I didn’t love him
I wish I didn’t care
I can’t have him, but I want him
Life just isn’t fair

The tension is high
As their hormones race
She makes the choice
That we all have to face

She’s the last to decide
That’s what she thinks
So while she decides
She’ll have a drink

Or smoke some dope
And get real high
To cool her nerves
And let her fly

No one told her how to choose
So she’s choosing on her own
Her parents aren’t there and her friends don’t care
So she makes her choice all alone

She decides to chance it
It’s only one time
Nothing can happen to her
She’ll be fine

The chain of events
Started so small
But changed their lives
For once and for all

She’s pregnant now
After only one time
They committed the crime
Now she’ll serve the time

Her mother’s a wreck
Her father’s enraged
The boys 23
The girls underage

Her parents were too busy
So she thought they didn’t care
Let this be a warning
For all parents to be there

She was looking for love
Not a child of her own
Now the guy took off
And she’s all alone

This could have been prevented
With just three words and a little time
So tell your kids you love them
And guide them through their lives

Let them choose
But show them how
And in the end
They’ll make you proud

I didn't go the right way
No, I've made a few wrong turns
I've played some games with matches
I've had my share of burns

I may not have it all together
I don't have much to claim
But to myself I've always been true
I've followed my own aim.

It might have made it harder
Always making my own path
I might have lost a lot of races
But I never came in last

I always did what I thought was right
So the regrets I have are few
Never looked for any prize
Just did what I should do

Now looking back
My vision's improved
Seeing clearly now
I still wouldn't change a move

My past is part of who I am
It's what has made me me
And I like myself just as I am
Wouldn't change a thing about me!

It’s now or never
My one chance to rise
A fight to the finish
To claim a prize

A worthy prize
No matter the cost
Without the prize
I’m surely lost

So I’ll stand and fight
With all of my might
I can’t give up now
When the prize is in sight

It won’t be easy
I’m vastly out-weighed
But I've got to try
Though, I admit, I’m afraid

My arms are getting heavy
But I won’t quit; I won’t go
The only way to make me
Is with a TKO

So I’ll roll with the punches
I’ll stay in the ring
Dodge hooks and jabs
Till the last bell sings

‘Cause if I’m still standing
It means I've succeeded
If I win this fight
I’ll have all that I've needed

So against all odds
Please wish me luck
Place your bet on me
‘Cause I won’t give up!

The feeling is back
That subconscious pull
That craving, that longing
That urge if you will

An unquentiable thirst
A blazing fire
I'm filled with that feeling
That burning desire

Only one thing
Can put me at ease
Only one thing
Will leave me pleased

Floating above
Way up in the sky
Only one thing
Can give me that high

Waiting and hoping
My needs soon will be met
That I'll soon find
A new catch in my net

There’s a guy I’ve known for a little while
I can’t think of him without starting to smile
He’s been there for me with a helping hand
He’s really quite a gentleman

Of him I’ve grown to be quite fond
I truly feel that we share a bond
I really enjoy his company
And he likes spending time with me

But I think that I’ve fallen for him and that’s bad
‘Cause I don’t think he feels the same and that’s sad
I’m worried that I like him a little too much
I’m so scared of getting hurt and such

But I know he likes me so perhaps there’s a chance
That this friendship could turn into romance
That’s what I’m hoping with all of my might
That he could love me, that he just MIGHT

He makes me happy
And you can see that he tries
He really must care
I have to surmise

He’s been there for me
Time and again
When I needed help
Or simply a friend

He makes me laugh
He’s fun and smart
He’s silly and sweet
And has a good heart

I’ve fallen in-love
Though I tried to fight it
He made me love him
And I can’t deny it

He’s far from perfect
That you can see
But I’m starting to think
That he’s perfect for me

He’s been told how I feel
Now I wait and see
How he will respond
Has he fallen for me?

A new mountain to climb
One that's cold, steep and high
But with no other choice
I simply must try

I feel just like Atlas
With the world's weight to bear
As I trudge up the mountain
Struggling to breathe the thin air

My strength is tested
And I'm feeling weak
My endurance is challenged
And I'm far from the peak

The top of the mountain
My one chance at peace
I fight through the pain
That simply won't cease

My goal's out of sight
But never out of mind
As I follow that path
That climbs while it winds

The journey is getting harder
Will I make it to the top?
I don't know if I can
But I simply can not stop!

I've got to keep on climbing
If I don't I'll die
But from here at the bottom
The top looks so high!

Though it seems out of reach
I have to strive
I must reach the peak
If I want to survive

I can't give up
No matter how high
I'll climb to the top
Or die while I try!

About: CFL
4/13/13

You made me love you
Against my will
You grew tired of me
But I love you still

Am I as unloveable
As it seems?
Can I only truly
Be loved in my dreams?

I did nothing wrong
And you threw me away
Was I just a distraction
For a rainy day?

I thought we were happy
That we'd never part
Then out of the blue
You broke my heart

You said 'forever'
I thought it was true
I never felt for anyone
What I felt for you

I feel it still
Though you obviously don't
My brain says 'let go'
But my heart just won't

They say to move on
And meet someone new
I've tried and I've tried
But my heart's set on you

I hate you sometimes
For hurting me
You made me fall
But didn't catch me

You walked away without a scratch
I was put in Intensive Care
You're safe at home without a care
I'm lost without you; still gasping for air

It's been years since that day
My world fell apart
When you crushed my dreams
And shattered my heart

But my heart still holds on
My love was so true
I've tried to let go
But I still think of you

I want to move on
For this wound to heal
But time only EASES
The pain that I feel

The wound's not so fresh
The pain not as bad
But still it hurts
And makes me so sad

Confusion and hurt
A wound that won't mend
Longing and sadness
That won't seem to end

I wish and I hope
Let this be the day
My sadness and longing
And hurt go away!

I'm sure it will happen
I will move on
But I'm tired of waiting
It's taking so long!

Helplessly drifting
On a sea of despair
Searching for help
But there's nobody there

The sun's disappeared
In a dark cloudy sky
The thunder's so loud
I can't hear myself cry

The storm beats down hard
With wind-driven rain
The powerful force
Serves to echo my pain

Struggling to float
As the tide pulls me down
I give up all hope
And let myself drown