Your grammar *****.
Your heart is ******.
You all too often duck,
Away from me.

I feel like I’m reading too much into this.
I really don’t think I can take it,
Falling in and out of you so frequently.

I really don't think you give a ****.
Something about your gaze tells me to keep calm,
That it'll all pay off.
Where’s the reflection of that?

I don't wanna feel this right now.
A stone cold face while I watch my heart race.

Watching potential take flight into nothingness, it scares me.
We only get one chance within this dance.

I'm not demanding to intertwine,
I just want to have that vine between hearts.
One with a platonic start.

We all so often flee and kid ourselves into thinking we’re free
What would happen,
If you and me
Were to just be?
Wipe the slate clean and just BE.
My own issues don't entertain that possibility,
My self fulfilling prophecy tells me you think you're too good for me.

I’m so tempted to display a humble plea,
I feel like if I did so I would be loosing parts of me.
That may be pride speaking to a certain degree.
Once again, it's that self fulfilling prophecy.

I wish it weren't so,
Oh, I wish it weren't so.

If only I could put into words all the aspects of myself this is stirring.
It's like I'm watching a fast clipped movie containing
all the scenarios over the years that have brought my psyche to this conclusion.
No matter what I do or what perspective I view from we still end up stuck staring at this block.
I don't know how to get out of this.

Have I made an *** out of myself yet?
* scurries under a metaphorical rock *

I guess I'm done?
You won.

The intensity behind your eyes when you gaze elsewhere
I feel like my being is a location right now
What the **** is a human psyche at this point?
It's been too long, it's been way too long
It's all happening right now
Am I contradiction yet?

You know, it's pretty disgusting,
the amounts of you that dribble across my blog
It's been so long, it's been much too long angel
Swallow your pride,
Swallow the burn,
Walk on
His pretty broken heart,
It's no longer yours

He always had the intensity I craved
Now he's gone,
beaming what's behind those broken chocolate eyes
into someone else
One willing to match it at present time

I don't want you,
but I suppose I regret not having you
in your full dose
We were
so
*******
close

Psychobabble in progress. Waiting for the flow......

Slow and steady but I feel like a hurricane.
In order to express I have to dig,
so much under my walls with such itty-bitty living space.
I catch my subconscious thinking inspiration is a race.
Though, that frame of mind is hard to avoid in such a place.
And ostentatious race, needing metaphorical mace.
So many wolves, it's hard to know what's looking for love and what's looking to feed.

I don't understand the part of me that gets so completely chaotic whenever I try to let someone in. I tell myself it's because there's no new found security in our relationship yet but part of me knows it'll still be there once we get past it (this time I really feel like we will). I don't want to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. There's an indescribable feeling of chaos, it's beautiful, but it's still chaos. I beat myself up for acting so clammy. So much warmth under an ice cold exterior. It's so frustrating, there's walls not even I can penetrate sometimes. My own scar tissue has a lot more control over me than I thought. I'm almost there, I'm ready for it. There's just something about not having a firm foundation to stand on quite yet that kind of makes me feel like a fish out of water at times.Today I'm fluctuating between feeling beautiful and like totally chaos. I just hope he's patient when dealing with such delicate merchandise.

I have a tendency to forget that others are just as vulnerable as myself.

How poetically I write your name,
How strange reality becomes as the wind whispers the same.
I never thought I'd genuinely be fooled by something so obviously deranged
until the day arrived and I slowly watched you slip out of frame.
Heart slain, once again, in vain.

All you leave me with is my reflection,
reminding me that you
don't
feel
the same.

(I wonder how deep she goes)

PS- you stole my zippo, *****.

Boom n' zoom
Retrograde and a full moon

It's not loosing you that has me hurting,
it's the subconscious fears within me
that your thoughtless and immoral actions are spurring

It's like you're consciously feeding into them,
stinging them, driving an ice pick through them,
bringing to surface once again.
Yet it'll never be within me to draw a sword and sting back,
or attempt to strike a chord within the broken,
chorus that your dark and angry heart mourns.

However, maybe that's where fears belong.
Maybe you were a tool to awaken them,
to pin me to a wall, watch me rip and fall
then dismiss them and fly far from the fear
of never having another look back at me
and mirror my look of awe.

How is it one can still have compassion after such disgusting actions?

(Yin and yang. Divine balance.)

Subliminal chaos
Refusal to stray from paradox
Feeling as though I need soul cleansing detox
From all the toxicity surroundings us
Is it wrong to think it may be following us?

Hypocrisy hurts
No one is fooled
Those who care for the spirit behind ego frown
Ignorance hurts everyone but the source
Outward observation is ignored inner reflection
Bodies are aging, ego never changing
It’s the end of the world as we know it, few people “get it”
It’s time to let go