Growing pains,
The pain stays.
My best friend died
It's been 4 months..Its not a phase.
Wish I could of made the plays.
But it wasn't my call to say..
Everyday
A new daze.
Pictures and memories cloud my mind
pure dismay.
Keep telling myself one day I'll be okay.
I still have a lot to say, no black and white just gray.
Now I found love..no more maze
He's amazing in every way
Forever to stay, no fadeway
Were Sick with it, stay away
U ain't cool like us go bk to your hideaway
I'll end this with my love asking me to grab bud for the tray
It's fate..forever to stay
We eatin, and we don't share our plates in any fkn way.

All My favorite songs are sad now
All our favorite drugs i do alone now.
Im weak, your death turned me into a zombie clone now. Death I fear now..life is different now.
Sulking in the absence of your being, i wont say your soul, its with me and it is saved now.
Ur by my side everyday, especially today..
its so cold out.
Snow jus falling down, wish it was you now
Mom jus got engaged yesterday n ur not here now..
I wish u were here for this drought..
Im still mentally down and out.
sad at the fact u wont be with me to blow congratulation clouds.
...get drunk as a family until time is no longer Found.
I miss you man, please stay with me.. don't let me drown.
I'll wear your crown .
one day ill be found, til then...
Love, the rebelious clown.

On fire but still drowning
I'm climbing ..still falling ..no bounty...out on bond, jus stalling.
Devil keeps calling . I ain't dialing.
Jus straight freefalling.
My heart ain't cold, it was sold to the dope, the land of no hope..im too dope to cope.
As above so below... everything's too slow...
so cold..I cant fold, that story has already been told..
I leave y'all my throne to own.
I'll even leave 3.5 to put in the cone.....jus
Smoke for me in return.
Let it burn...
My prodigy Arsen, reborn.
The fire within me...
He is me...
he will play the part for me..
MERCY ME
He will be what I couldn't be.
Always will be.
I'm free, no plee.
I don't wanna die, jus wanna fly...not flee
by your side babyboy,
I'll follow,You lead..
you are M E.
Game over, I give you everything ...
No fee.

Left in the dark and put away..
F a d e a w a y. Another day...
Like shrooms waiting to be eaten.
A sick Awakening. I'm beaten.
Eaten. Get away .
No blood but she's bleeding.
...to be taken far far away is what she will always b screaming.
No sleep but im dreaming
I yearn, like some dro seeds in dark, cold and put away waiting to be reborn..
will i bloom one day like them... instead of going further away..is it my turn?
She's not okay,
it's not gonna be a long day it's gonna be a long life....so they say.
B l a z e through this m a z e,
a phase of dismay ZE.

I was ready to ride..
He was ready to die...
Not knowing we came to surprise...
He just wanted to fly.
As time flies, he almost didn't rise.
God send me to save him from his own demise.

Dawg don't cry.

I woke him up at just the right moment.
Lord don't make him repent.
You know it wasn't the right moment.
He was in so much pain.
Some hardly knew it.
We all dead inside dawg
Just don't fkn fuel it.

I saved him without knowing.
I came with food and drinks excited not knowing.
I came out of love and loyalty
No fkn folding.

Thank you God for sending me without knowing.
He wasn't ready for the world ...
of the unknowing.

...just listen up & keep going...
It don't end here bro, I promise.
It keeps going.

Love is pain.
This world is ugly.
Lifes a bihhh, we ain't all lucky.
I don't want any more dead homies..
I want them here or earth.
No judging.
It's a tug a war dawg
Keep tugging.

They say progress,
Not perfection...
They say be patient, for that right affection.
Fk all them problems.
Just put em in sections.
One mffa at a time..
No clock out stations.

Don't let them win.
Don't let them in.
The evil won't win, if you don't let it swim.
Once you love yourself and let go, your life will begin.
Fk a sin.
Let your life begin.

I'll be there to see it happen..
I saved you from yourself...
no cappin'
Let go of the sadness, the madness.
It's time to love YOURSELF and make shyt happen.

When your lonely...
Just know we all give a fk
There's always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Don't give up.
Just take care of yourself..
And level up.

Look up &
Don't stay down..
Get up..
We too far off the ground.

Just stand your ground..
Ten toes down..
And..
If you can't be found...

I'll keep your head above water.. Won't let you drown.

Money is the root of all evil
Stay humble.
Don't dance will the devil...
It'll **** you

Broken but staying afloat..
How much longer before I'm completely b r o k e?
I ain't talking money, I'm talking mentally folks.

I have a home, money and my son..
It took time to get rid of that ***, ****** the life out of me like a baby does his thumb.. energy ******..
Consistently numb....every 2 secs ...
"I need a blunt"

Not content or happy
Who gives a fk , it's my luck, but don't get me wrong, I've acknowledged I'm lacking and a little stuck.

Stuck in a world of everyone's growing pains, mine included, no names.
It's a constant learning game
Where do I wanna end up? where I'll feel no pain,  no constant blame.

Just calm and collected and wants out the game, she's a born made hustler but refuses to keep shyt the same.
Got noone to blame
Fk the fame..
Shyt ain't the same.
I lost myself in the mix & ain't ever been the same.

One door closed but  7  windows opened.
For a moment, I was able to breathe again without folden.

Oxygen back in.
Suddenly i'm back and all in.
I don't wanna be him..
No fkn kingpin..
Just let my bro who made me out the fkn pen
so
"the life" we always wanted,can fkn BEgin.

At times life is surreal.
Sometimes I just don't feel...
....autopilot sorta say...
NO FEELS.
Devil dancing on my shoulder
No kills.
Lemme gravitate away with these pills, yes isolation..
see how It feels.

On cloud seven, not quite 9...
Hanging on..passing time,
acting just fine..
Still on the rollercoaster of
The infinite h i g h.

Tommorow is another day.
Pack away the pain.
Don't forget what you've gained.

Risked my life for my family,
and always got paid.
Roll a paper plane
Let the ones who broke you live in vain.
I'ma soar, fly, break the window pane.

Let them drown without you cause you still have everything to gain.

What now... I didn't die...
Just sitting inside my mind,
I died inside.
Hitting my blunt in what seemed to be a session of an endless cry, Instead of what I wish was an everlasting high.

He hurt me again.
Words more than any..
Swords stabbing me, it's TOO many.
More than fkn PLENTY.
Someone pass me the Henny.
Wish I would of only fell in love with the feti.

I snapped.
Not in half ....breaking fast.
In pieces, immediately I turned into ash, **** that, more like your favorite huge glass, mirror in a million pieces
Nothing but fkn GLASS.
He knew that was my vice, my devil in it's flask.

It was all too fast.

Might as well just put me in my newly givin cask...

I tried to grab his face with tears in my eyes...to beg to know how he could accuse me of going back to the drug that almost literally killed me inside. I wanted to just shake him....
anger filled me.
All bullshiiiii aside.
The drug that almost took me from my son. THAT killed me inside.

Instead my hands went for his throat Like a gun..just wanted him to dry up n shrivel as a dead flower does underneath the rising sun.
Riding the wave, I'm afloat, I am the black ****** goat, head over water let me fukn float.
Socks turning blue, will I really stay afloat?

I didn't even know I could cry like that anymore..didn't think I could feel that anger anymore...didnt know there was any left...guess some was kept.
Only I am left....
Alone, accused, abused by the words you don't wanna hear from the one person you thought was "it" for you.

My whole life I've had this bad habit of wanting to run ...
A GO GETTER.
I'm fearless..  but to run from my sorrow...possible, but
never.

I'm too clever.
Ready to make nobody my forever🖤

Lifes a lesson and I'm on the highest ****** level, for now I'll put away the shovel, won't stoop to that fkn level.

This feeling feels like home...
I wish my pain could come,
like phone ****** home..
sorry pain you can't come.

Let's go Zbby...
I think it's time to overcome.

I'm done. You know who you are..
You had your fun, now it's my turn to point my fkn 4000 Dolla gun.

I've crossed the other end of the broken bridge...
successfully, carelessly
hanging off the highest ridge.

When you die inside, so does your stride,your pride..makes you forget the things that used to make you happy inside, you become blind.
            
Looking through my eyes you would wish you were blind, the world is ugly, unkind, obliged by the pain inside.

....but still I tried.. I didn't die.
It wasn't my time.

Love is the least of my worries,
My feelings, they're burried, never again to be hurried.

Bury me alive
It already feels that way inside
I'm a dreamer who never sleeps,
It's an understood new way of life.
The way I...
Died.

                      -A