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Because of you
I forgot how to write.

I used to drip with description.
They would try to bottle my tears
as souvenir.

I would scream at the paper
and it would color my anger,
punctuate my despair.

I could paint entire lecture halls
with the tangled mess
that came out of my veins.

Everyone knows that your prettiest,
most interesting and  intriguing
when you're failing.  

All of the geniuses,
the beautiful and the brilliant
thrived on torture

and it's so tragic,
the way they rely on us
to suffer for them.

But then, you.

As if life was suddenly fair
I wrote you into reality
and learned your language.

Summer stayed
and I no longer had the biting cold
as a muse.

It seemed I had nothing left
to say, and it's OK
because no one was there to listen.

But time is just as reliable
as you aren't.
People keep mailing me paper and pens.

So even thogh the mountains
and the moon
are staying in place for this one,

I'm blaming it on the dust.
This is  the stale, familiar taste
of waking up mid-dream,

when you try to keep everything good
under the covers
and away from the world.

I could go back to sleep,
or I could stay awake
and remember how to write...
Why does a sweet taste
Always convert to inches
Added to the waist?
loves grip has never frightened me
but then again
I have never been so tied down.
And not until the unwritten laws of tradition
have been cast upon you
can you experience such emotions
And when the two intertwine, twisting, combining can you see
how that grip is burning
and how tightly it is slung around your forearms
tugging and tugging
and the refusal to loosen
or break, and then once, he lets go for a breath
you make decisions
and are hauled  from reality,
from tradition
hauled into the escapade
of someone else's game
and then you learn
The course you're in
never did run smooth
and you're indeed,
frightened.
 Nov 2011 Amanda Blake
rosered
I keep coming
Just come back
I can’t stand it
I hate it
I cant stand on my own
I just fall to your feet

You simply look at me
One look and I'm done
I hate my weakness
Every ounce of resolve
Every bit of strength I had saved up
Is stolen away as soon as we lock eyes

And you smile
That smile I hate
I hate the way it’s so cocky
And crooked
And beautiful

But what I hate the most is that when I look at you
You don't feel a thing
When they stripped me of the life in my bones
I looked to the stars,
and plucked the moon from its perch
with my lips.
And the rage in their fists
tried to pry it from my skull.
But they cannot win.
They may look down on us with their
hollow eyes that can do nothing but weep,
and their hungry mouths that spit ash.
But I know what hope is.
And They don't.
No matter how many times I am beaten
I swear that the birds that sing in my chest
will always be louder than them.
Tell me what holy is,
and I will tell you of the love in my veins.
Tell me why you hate so much,
and I will tear it apart with my shame.
I will split the night open with my words.
I will sweep up the ashes with my rage.
They cannot win.
Not when your eyes look through me like that.
And while you sew together my wings,
tell me of the love letters that God left
on your windowsill.
Tell me of the fists that left those scars.
When they finally bring me to the gallows,
make sure that the noose is made
from the strings of guitars.
Carve my spine into the heart of a tree.
Spread my ashes over the lips of the sea.
Tell me what holy is.
And I will take you to that river full of sin.
I will write my poetry in the snow with my bones.
Tell me where Gabriel is.
And I will clean the blood from his crippled wings.
I will be an immovable sky.
The mouth of the river that never ceases to sing.
They'll separate us with razor wire,
but a few cuts won't hold me back.
They'll scream at us with their empty taboos.
But the paintings I've got tattooed on my ribs
aren't black and white like their words.
I'm done hiding my heartbeat.
I want to taste the words that come off my tongue,
to paint with the dirt beneath my nails.
Say my obituary was written like a poem.
So that when God greets me at his gates,
he will tell me that I was alive.
That I wasn't empty like Them.
But I'm tired.
And I've walked one too many miles in my
own shoes.
But it's impossible to stop,
when you've got wings flapping in your chest,
and a heart that burns like a lantern.
Remember me like this.
Spouting words from the darkest corners
of my soul.
Words that stick to you like a lover's kiss.
It's a song.
A manifesto.
An epitaph that will stay burned in your eyes
until you blink away the tears.
I'll keep walking if you just carry me
on your back for a few short steps.
A couple of shallow breaths.
Just let me rest.
So that the next words that come out of
my mouth will be “I love you”.
And you'll see that the bruises on my back
are the notes of music.
Tell me what holy is.
So I can tell you why I keep moving.
So I can spread these wings you've built for me,
with the skin I've shed
and my broken bones.
And I'll teach you how to fly too.
Because life has no rhythm
unless you give it a beat.
Tell me what holy is.
And remember
that we
are not.
Stop showing
You love me
A little at a time.

Stop saying
You care
Bit by bit.

Stop keeping
Me here
For tiny pieces of time.

Because I need
All of you
Not piece by piece.

I love
All of you
Not just some parts of you.

So love all of me
All the way
All the time.

Or let all of me go
All at once
For good.
2011

— The End —