"Please, Promise me you won't hurt yourself again"
Such an unfair things to ask
I see why you would
Because you don't understand
You just want me to be okay
But do not make me make a promise
You know I can't keep

Nostalgia is a ***** *******
It tricks you.
The past was never as great as it now seems
The boy who broke your heart was not perfect.
He was self absorbed
And always tasted like his other girl.
The night you shared was not magical.
The grass was wet
and the air was humid.
The same brand of *****
Did not taste better last time
It still stung the same and made you gag.
The sun was no brighter
The grass just as green
Nostalgia has tricked you

Nobody knows how to fix a girl this broken
People walk past
And see my shattered pieces on the ground
Some look down and give me a look of sympathy
Others look and say
I wouldn't be so broken if I hadn't jumped off a ******* bridge
But what these people don't seem to grasp is
I didn't jump.
I fell.
I didn't mean to end up like this
Nobody wants to be this broken
*someone please just help me off the ******* ground

a dizzy dreamer
stuck in a bland reality
waiting in line
to get to the next destination

where are we going again?
"i don't quite know!
But I do know we'll get there!"
I want to hop of this endless train ride
or take a detour

I need adventure
I need life again
and I need you

You are so special
I am so ordinary
How did you find yourself in love with me?
How could I shatter such a beautiful heart?
How many times will it replay in my mind?
I can't do this without you
I will never forgive myself
Please don't leave

Lately it seems
the memories of that past
are clouding my brain.
I remember the days and nights
I spent alone in my room
Howling at the moon
Begging it to take away my sadness
as my thighs dripped crimson red
and my tiny body shivered
the chattering of my teeth is still echoing in my head

Perhaps the war in my mind will call got a cease fire
Maybe peace will come along,
And my brain will agree to make peace with my body
To cooperate
To eat
Never to cut again
To love every flaw
Oh perhaps there will be a cease fire

Some days I feel good
Like I have a chance of being normal
But then there's days like today
Where I drown in my sadness
And choke on self hatred
They tell me "recovery is a process"
And that I have to be patient
But would you tell someone
who was drowning in the ocean
to be patient and wait for rescue?

nothing's the same without you
a grey cloud follows me everywhere
since you've been gone
where did you go?
"The neighbors said
she moved away.
funny how it rained all day."
Without you here
everything is wrong
the world has been ******
and we just need you back
"I'm not coming back
I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak"
You're free now
an angel
free of the torture of our world
"now the rain is washing you out of my head
and out of my mind"
it was your time.
you left because you had to
"I guess I'll go home now."

Because you are every
good,
clean,
pure,
and wonderful thing on this planet
You let off sunshine with your smile
And I am every piece of toxic waste that fills this universe and pollutes the air that is slowly choking you
I don't deserve you

Take me away from here
I am tired, and weak.
No desire, no drive
no more sparkle in my eye.
Maybe I'll always feel this dead

today
i am a winter girl
with hands like ice
and a body temp of 20 below

today i am an anorexic
eating reluctant bite
after reluctant bite
counting each and every calorie
trying to calm my nerves

today i am a **** up daughter
who drove her car off the road
and lied to her parents saying
"someone else caused it"

not today, but every day
i am withering more and more
color fading
desire dwindling

Day after day the sun rises
Day after day the sun sets
At every sun rise,
you are my only thought
picturing you rolling over
and cradling my body
every time the sun whispers goodbye
and the moon slowly creeps up
you are on my mind
I picture you and I sitting outside
Amongst the fire flies
Whispering about life
you are every thought
and every dream
I have ever had
I love you endlessly

The moon and the sun
can never be one, my love.
We will always be a world apart,
but do not ever forget
the light you radiate,
from afar,
gives me life

Falling in love is such an easy thing
It'll start with small kisses
And smiles exchanged
Then the kisses will navigate
All over the map you call your body
At the way up north
To all the way down south
You will giggle
And scream
And yell
You'll even eat candy out of each others mouths
And soon
All of these seemingly miniscule things will add up
So one day,
While he's laying next to you
Sound asleep
Don't be surprised when it hits you
This was something extravagant
Fireworks will burst in your heart
And you'll snuggle in closer
Now you've completely fallen
Your heart is no longer your own

How many times will I say I'm sorry
Before I change my ways?
I know I am wrong
But I am so quick tempered
So easily pushed
That I snap too quickly
And far too fiercely
You are so gentle
And only mean well
I am so sorry for the pain I cause you.

The leafs are turning
And so is my heart
I no longer feel as light
As I did in the summer
My being feels heavy
It drags me down
I long for skinny thighs
And your old, lustful eyes.
I'm sensing a shift
Into my old frame of mind
(Dear god, don't let it get bad)

You may think you know my friend, Sad.
Oh yes you may
But you don't know Sad,
like I know Sad.
Sad will visit you every so often
and pull on your heart strings,
Just to remind you he's there.
But Sad and I?
Oh he's constantly with me
His hands wrapped around my neck
Whispering "This is true friendship"

shattered glass
and satin waterfalls
mix better than you'd think

The worlds a loathsome place
But if you close your eyes long enough
You'll drift off somewhere safe
Where there's no more acid corroding the flowers
That once bloomed in abundance
No more rain storms made from heart broken tears
That have flooded so high you can hardly even breathe
The winds that had roared screaming that
"You're worthless"
Will cease.
You can get away from these ungodly surrounding
Even if just for a second

Red
I remember the crimson glow that use to leak from my thighs
I miss it
Gray
My skin turned an awful shade of grey but it was wrapped around bones
Not fat
Pink
Little scars along my legs
They're screaming
Blue
All the pills I took to not feel so alone
I'm still lonely
Purple**
The rings around my eyes from when I couldn't sleep at all
They're still there

You're such a joyful spirit
Painted vibrant yellow
I wonder what went wrong
And where you are now?
Are you just as cheerful now?
Do you dance around the graveyard at night?
Singing loud for all the other ghost
Who roam the night restlessly?
Please tell me what you're doing
Tell me how you are.
Are you dancing in the graveyard?

this
can't
be
all
there
is

bubble bubble
she boils over,
the hiss of the water
hitting a scalding hot ***.
it burns just the same as the matches
on her inner thigh that burned holes oh so long ago.
buzz buzz
just static in her head.

some call her an overboiled ***,
or a broken tv
either way,
she's useless to me

putting myself first is something I've never been good at.
a fragile heart too big for my chest,
filled with such love,
but not for myself.
I will tend to your wounds,
and sing you to sleep
anything you need
and nothing for me

There's a really cute boy
Who's third eye glows like lightning bugs do on blissful summer nights.
His heart seems so passionate
He could use its red hot heat to light his blunts.
And his mind expansive, sea upon sea.
He's a wordsmith, and a philosopher
With a vocabulary that sort of turns me on,
And a body that does ten times more.
His unique way of thinking
Suggests interesting ***.
A body I'd love to explore
And a mind I'd love to know.
Stay around,
let's see how things go.

It takes a lot for me to say this
Although I may
Not be better
I may not feel great
But I am alive
And I can also say
That today,
I am not going to **** myself
And that will have to be enough

He makes my lips hurt
and my heart race
oh my god, I'm in love

It makes me sad that you won't read all of my writing.
I know its silly to get upset
But its part of me
It is my past
It is my present
And you refuse to accept all of it.
You refuse to see all that I feel
And that makes me sad

excuse me, miss?
are you paying attention?
x equals this,
and y equals that.
let's try this again,
its jumbled in my head.
remember this formula,
and recall that odd rule.
miss, do you get it?
oh god you're hopeless and,
you're hard headed, my dear
you just won't learn

Have you ever found home in a person?
Because cradled in your arms,
Or tucked into your chest
Is the only place that's ever felt like home to me

It's nothing new to me,
feeling out of place.
Never comfortable in my skin
How else to cope, but sin?

Just a few more sips,
that'll do the trick!
As I guzzle I look around and see
nothing but lonely empty bottles,
and lonely old empty me.

Skip this, toss that.
Avoid meals to gain control
I'll them not to worry,
even though they never do.

Another pound down, I deserve a shot