He makes my lips hurt
and my heart race
oh my god, I'm in love

My sadness provides me with comfort
Sick, isn't it?
It's just something that's always been there
Consistency
That's comforting to me
And as much as I want to feel the sunshine on my cheeks
And have flowers bloom within my mind
Part of me is so scared to leave my sadness behind

It was late September
Rain poured
and I drunkenly stumbled into your arms
You spoke of how I smelt of whiskey,
And how I forgot my shoes
You laughed at my slurred words
And drunken honesty
But that was the night we spat out the truth
"I love you"

The bags under your eyes
grow darker and darker as the days pass
you insist that youre fine
I place a kiss on my forehead.
Your tired eyes are telling of the wars you fight every night
But
you're bound to crash sooner or later
so curl up by my side
intertwine your hand with mine
and rest your tired eyes

It makes me sad that you won't read all of my writing.
I know its silly to get upset
But its part of me
It is my past
It is my present
And you refuse to accept all of it.
You refuse to see all that I feel
And that makes me sad

"She's cured!"
Then how come my mind still screams
"You fat disgusting pig"?
And I still cringe every time I hear your name?
How come I still etch red tally marks on the top of my thighs
And, I still keep the pills
In a bottle under my dresser
And they still call my name begging me to take them
all at once with a big swing of whiskey
Why am I still counting every calorie
And drowning my sorrows with the sting of alcohol?
Is this what its like to be cured?

Some days I feel good
Like I have a chance of being normal
But then there's days like today
Where I drown in my sadness
And choke on self hatred
They tell me "recovery is a process"
And that I have to be patient
But would you tell someone
who was drowning in the ocean
to be patient and wait for rescue?