This is a ghost town,
filled with ex-lovers
and former friends.

Drowning in denial
Never to see one another
again.

This is a lost town,
where young hearts wander,
desperately clinging to their past.

We push and we pull
Pull and we push
But moments never last.

A forbidden town --
the town of my heart.
The town that closed its gates on you
As soon as we fell apart.

                         *-lf-

I'm lying alone in my room
Staring at your photographs
This pain tells me that I'm in love
And I can't go on without you
I take a walk down this boulevard
And meet all the people we know
Darling I can't stop missing you
No matter what I do or where I go

I miss your smile, I miss the heaven
That lives inside your eyes. I miss you
From the moment I wake up
Till I lie sleepless at night
Oh, I miss your smile.

I'd give everything to hold you now
Instead of your photographs
I'd do anything now to make you smile
Anything to hear you laugh
I've been holding back rivers of tears
Hoping that you'll back here
As long as I live and as long as I'm sane
You'll burn in my heart like an eternal flame

I miss your smile, I miss the times
I've had you in my life. I miss you
Everyday and every night with
Every heartbeat inside
All the time! I miss your smile.

Love
it's hard to know
when it hits you
it's not like a
bullet in the chest
but more like a
flower

As a bud you
don't notice it
as much
walk by without
another glance
though slowly as
the flower blooms
each petal curving
beconing the sun
to pool in it's
creases
you notice it more
when you pass it by

The hues are brighter
the petals melt
one in to the other
painting this picture
you can hold in
your hands
now you can't help
but stop and stare
the flower that was
once a mere bud
you didn't know
was pregnant
with life

Love is like
a flower
You don't realize
it's beauty
even though it's
been there
all along

No one has ever broken my heart.
Most would say that’s a gift,
but I am not sure.
Maybe it is not that my heart has been broken
but I’ve never let myself be close enough to anyone
for it to be broken.
At night before I sleep
I think of what would happen if I were to be
*****.
If my parents were to
die
suddenly. If
I were to die.
What would happen?
Would I be able to take care of myself,
or would I wither away? Who would I become?
Would my friends care? Which ones?
Maybe I feel unloved, but I don’t.
I have so much love in my life that I can’t give.
I receive but cannot replicate.
I feel it but can not find the place in my heart to give it.

Feeling alone in a crowded room.

That’s what it feels like but
in my own mind.
These thoughts that drain me while I sleep
they’re the awkward goth that sits in the corner at prom,
trying so desperately to fit in but refusing to
sell themselves
to the pink dress.
The rest of the thoughts wonder why they’re there.

I have these thoughts not because I’m depressed or
lonely.
I think I think these things because I’ve convinced myself
I want them.
Disgusting isn’t it? To want the amount of suffering I do.
I hope somewhere it’s not the suffering I want but the
emotion.
The state of being overpowered by emotion to the point where
you can’t function.
Where every choice is the product of an emotional
whiplash.

I see these people who suffer in pain. But I’m strange
because I do not see it as horrible I see it as
beautiful.
Their suffering is beautiful because it is a level of intencity
I cannot feel.
A level of emotion that I hunger for but can not reach.
I don’t know why I want this.
Maybe I feel numb, but I don’t really know.
Maybe I speak words to fill the air. Fill the time.
All those words that are safe, they’ve become
boring.
I want something more to say, more to feel than just the daily shpeal,
even if it means pain.

I do not think I am depressed.
I do not know what I am.
I’ve never met anyone like me before.
Maybe I am
alone.
Maybe everyone feels like me but they keep quiet for fear if they speak
they’ll be condemmed to live their life in a
white jacket.

The world is ******* up.
I am the girl who wears pastels then
talks back to the teachers.
Gets straight As but hangs out with the kids who
smoke *** at lunch.
Who is that that you know?
No one.
I want to help those who I don’t think need help,
because society says there is something
wrong
with them. But what if they’re the one who are sane
and we are the insane?
Maybe we’ve been manipulated to think we are in control but
we’re not.
They are.
The ones on the streets and in the straight jackets.

Insanity is the highest level of intelligence.

Would you like a cup of tea?

Milk?

Sugar?

Wine perhaps?

Here, come sit with me, let us eat expensive cheese,

and talk about cheesy things.

Like how sunsets are always free,

and about how the waves are neverendingly faithful
to the shore. Let us sit
in a swinging love seat,
 and drink our wine
from tea mugs, so the elderly couple
across the street
doesn't cast us disapproval.

Let me lay my head upon your shoulder,
while you contemplate the mysteries of the universe.

Exclaiming how brilliant the stars shine their light from so far away,

when all the light I need
is from you.

Let us eat the expensive cheese,
because love is no expense
when our sunsets are free.

As we lay beneath the stars,
Here I lay among the scars
The world is black and white to most,
But to me the world is just a ghost
My heart was solely yours to find,
And long after came my mind
The black and white became so clear,
I was yours and you were here
The heat of summer came around,
All our clothes fell to the ground
But I could not be yours to keep,
That idea seemed incomplete
For as the autumn leafes took fall,
I was no longer yours to call
I knew some day that it would end,
For now I needed just a friend
A friend in you was a friend in me,
We seemed to be so joyous and free
You came so quickly and dug so deep,
I wished I was only yours to keep
So here i lay beneath the stars,
With you the source of my scars