A community,
one that takes you in,
and holds you,
and tells you too keep going.

How can we let these words,
that flow from the heart,
be out in public?

When you know people are reading your poems,
who is reading your poems,
can you really let yourself write freely?

When you need to write about your pain,
but the one who is hurting you most is following you,
how can you make it public?

I don't always want to talk about my feelings,
but I want to write about them,
and I want them to be known,
just not by all.

I love the critics,
and the comments,
and the like,
it's the views that scare me.

Sometime I want to die,
and I don't even know why.

To see the light at the end of the tunnel,
to embrace death as an old friend,
to no longer have to exist.

Sometimes it's triggered by something,
but sometimes,
it washes over me,
flows through me,
like molten iron running thru my veins,
burning me from the inside out.

But I continue to move forward,
for better or worse,
I'm not done fighting yet.

For many years my friends would say I was easy to read,
they could always tell,
they would say,
what I was feeling,
when I was lying.

I would laugh and agree,
say lying just wasn't my specialty,
when really,
it's all I ever did.

I would hide my sadness,
not wanting to bog down others with it,
it was my baggage,
and I must carry it alone.

Over the years I formed a mask,
one I still wear to this day,
however,
when you are always wearing a mask,
you see things differently.

Slowly I started noticing all of the masks around me,
whenever I walked outside there was a masquerade,
of fake emotions,
empty smile.

I was able to see through the front people used to keep the world out,
and sometimes I was able to get in,
and help.

It's not always necessary to point them out,
sometimes,
a warm smile,
is all someone needs.

I'm still trapped though,
in my mask,
and its dark and lonely in here.

I want nothing more than for someone to come save me,
rip my mask off,
and embrace me as I am,
not as what I show.

I guess I'm a far better liar than everyone things,
because I am always able to keep my pain so far inside,
that even I sometimes forget it's there.

When I feel the darkness creeping in,
I see the fog fill my vision.

When gravity suddenly becomes too much to bear,
and everything closes in becoming far too small.

When the air becomes thick and heavy,
and nothing can quench my thirst.

There are very few people who have never let me down,
who I never had to fear them leaving my life,
and I want to always be surrounded by them.

There love,
is the only love,
I can not live without.

WORDS!

Why do you fail me?

WORDS!

Why can't you say just
      what
                                  I
                                                                               ...want...

The letters spun into a web,
words dancing,
clouded emotions found and solved.

Finding human connection through your struggle,
sing of the love I have,
and I hold so dear.
That I fear to be clear of what I hold here,
for I want nothing more,
than my Dear.

Chant for the friends,
who hold me down,
and build me wings.
Keeping me moving forward,
if only for a little longer,
with them.

Call for the family,
that I never feel I have found my place in,
never knowing,
is
   this
          how
                  you
                         love?

Never quite understanding,
is
   this
          how
                  you
                         write?

Finding that,
this
      is
          how
                  you
                        feel. And that's okey.

Some days I want to be surrounded,
by people,
and noises,
and new views.

Some days though,
I find myself most content,
with myself.