I wish the sun on my face,
could shine a light on my mind.

Warm my soul,
as it warms my skin.

The gentle kiss of the rays,
could awaken me,
move me,
and fill me up.

Even if it burnt,
it would be better than ice.

I wish for it to penetrate the skin,
mind,
and heart.

Brighten me,
as it does the morning.

The black hole in my stomach,
bleeds out,
infecting all of me.

It clouds my vision,
and I am lost in the darkness.

No one can reach me,
I sense an outreached hand,
but when I go to grasp it,
I find nothing.

Lost in the darkness I sink in deeper.
Lost.
Lost.
Lost.

I want to frame this moment,
and keep it forever.

Hang it in a gallery,
along side everything else I care for.

Have people in pressed collars,
and dark suits,
come to see us,
as we are.

I want to frame this moment,
and always be able to go back to it.

Memorize every brush stroke,
trace the lines,
we left.

Moments like these,
Are the ones I'll look back on,
and smile.

For even in the darkest moments,
together,
we were able to find,
happyness

Stupid little things that don't matter,
that get to me.

I don't know why I feel forgotten sometimes,
or out of place.

I don't want to need to be around you,
or feel like when I hang out with you and your friends I'm being too much.

I don't want to be that girl.

The one who gets upset when it take you over a half hour to reply,
we're busy people,
and neither of us are attached to our phones.

I don't know how I always convince myself you don't miss me,
you don't really want me around.

So I try to give you space,
but then do you take that as me pushing you away?

I never dought you when we are together,
but maybe that means,
I need to spend some time alone.

Maybe I have to get used to not always being around you,
not relying on you so much.

But I want you to rely on me,
and I want us to stay as close as we are.

There is nothing wrong with our relationship,
but my mind keeps telling me there is.

That I'm going to get hurt,
that I'm doing something wrong,
that I'm too clingy,
too distent,
too needy,
not open enough.

Sometimes I feel like I don't say I love you enough,
but then I feel like I do it too much.

My head is whirling with insecurities,
that I fear will drive you away.

"Look at you feeling upset because he not around,
or he said something wrong,
or didn't answer your text."

"Look at yourself."
I think,
"This is disgraceful, do you really think anyone would want to be with someone so clingy so needy so broken"

"You are already loaded down with baggage,
now you're going to be overly attached too."

These thoughts I wish could be silenced,
but keep running through my head,
I fear to be that girl,
but look at yourself,
look at yourself,
you already are.