water, cold and crystal
how much until I feel clean?
Refill, refill, and still I see the hurt
the pain and the mistakes are not fading
shower after shower
the stream has long gone cold
skin red and raw,
tropical scent is overwhelming but the anguish is still beating
or is that my heart? are they one and the same?
will I ever be me again?
Can I be refreshed, rejuvenated, reborn?
I gave trust away to a monster who abused it
Who used me and broke me,
I should have known better.
And now it's over, but still
I am covered in the dirt of shame
in the grime of fear and anxiety
in the mess that he left of me.
I need to detox, but how?
Can a nightmare be cleansed away?
Will I ever be clean again?

I am a girl of
Extremes and expectations
a smile that can ****.

Maybe if I just close my eyes
squeeze your hand
hold you
as tight as i can
(not trying to hurt you, never)
but id try to hold on
tighter than i would ever let you hold me
i can keep this
i can make sure we never change

i believe in the idea of embracing change
it has always proven true before
even the worst bruise will eventually heal
no mess stays forever

you are the exception
for if i lose you, what else am i?
i am me
i am not dependent, no
it is just that me is a whole new person with you
better than ive ever seen
thats one thing i dont want to change

so if you notice me squeezing
closing my eyes at the 11:11 mark
(the same wish every night)
just dont let go?
dont question it
and we can let everything change and grow around us
any change with us
we can do together