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Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
As my life goes on
Sorrow fills it.
As I look for loved
Ones sorrow greats me.
As I look for someone
To love. Someone to
Call my friend.
You say hello to me
From 6 hours away
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
A Language all its own
2 say a word
& no what it means
Iz a gift so many 4get
Do u c wat we did?
We a generashun
Have runed a nashon
With our wurds
Speled like lies.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
Big Red Truck  
When I was young, a child still
My dad worked in the fields
Of our farm.  He toiled
Away with his workers all day
Harvesting sod. It all would load
Onto the big red truck.

On Wednesdays at church he would
Drive the big red church straight
From the fields.  I always begged
Him to let me ride home with him,
And he would smile and give in.

The big diesel engine would rev up
And I would bounce on my oversized
Seat. The smell of the diesel exhaust,
And the sound of the truck was
Haven to me.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
The one man that I love the most
Has hurt me in a way I didn't know
He possibly could.

I don't understand why he would
He was the one that rescued me
He made me believe again
I had hope because of him
He helped me over my fears
Made me believe I could in fact
Trust men again.

He was a giant he was big and strong
But he was as soft and gentle as a teddy bear
He was raised to be a gentleman
I want to blame it on the heat of the moment
Maybe that all that it was or maybe it's a whole
Lot more.

Two days before we tried something new
He was gentle and coaxing,
I enjoyed it, it was fun
He new what my past was like
Behind locked doors at night
Ware screams could be muffled by pillows
And pain could be sealed with medication.
But today when he didn't stop,
And his teddy bear side disappeared
And his strength really showed
As he pinned me to the bed
And fed me false lines to coax me into
Letting him to continue.

Only when I burst out crying
And parents footsteps flying
Did he realize what he had done
He hurt me in a way I never new manageable
He mentally and physically scared me.

I want to believe that it was just the heat
Of the moment that got in his head
That he wasn't really a bad person
This whole time.
That will shatter me much worse
Then this does now.  And because
I cant accept that I still love him,
But I don't know how much longer
I can.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
Breaking in to jail
I read an article in the newspaper
About this women that tried
To break in to jail…
The paper said she was
Intoxicated and was arrested
For braking in to jail
So in the end she ended
Up ware she wanted to
Be.

But I don't believe she was
Intoxicated at all
I believe she felt it was
Her only safe place to be
That the world was her jail
She was sick of all the
Judgmental looks of her
Peers.

She was tired of taking
The physical abuse
From her family
She was tired of being
Abandoned from her
So called friends
That her tiny confided
Jail cell was the
Busy booming streets
Of downtown.

When she tried to break
Into jail
She was really trying
To escape her jail
And in the end she made
It and that's all that
Really matters.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
Death

Comes to us all, when are time

Was spent, used up.  Death

Is misery, pain and darkness, before

The light comes on at the end of the hall.



Death can be peaceful and easy, go take a nap,

Close your eyes drift off into your dream land,

This is your home now. Death can be



Angry and painful, the only way to escape

This cruel world, he'll meet you by the

Golden gates later that night.  Death



Can be an accident, it wasn't your time,

To go, they were drunk, he wanted

Revenge. Death can be by fighting for

Your country, for your freedom, for

Your family and friends.



Death can be a scary experience

For your soul, not knowing ware

You might end up. Up to the heavenly

Gods with the golden gates, and the

Pearl clouds are. Or down to the core of

The earth ware the fire burns

As hot as the sun, an evil dark place

It is in hell. Or your soul could wander

The cold rotting earth and all you can

Do is watch as your friends and family

Wither in pain, and agony over your

own death.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
I Shouldn't Love You, But I Want To,
I Shouldn't See You, But I Can't Move,
I Can't Look Away..
And I Don't Know How to Be Fine,
when I'm Not, because
I Don't Know How to Make This Feeling Stop...
And Just So You Know This Feelings
Taking Control Of Me, And I Can't Help It,
I Won't Sit Around- I Can't Let Her Win Now.
Thought You Should Know,
I've Tried My Best to Let Go of You,
But I Don't Want Too. It's so hard to be around You,
There's So Much I Can't Say,
Do You Want Me to Hide the Feelings
and Just Look the Other Away?
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
Don't wait for the right boy
He does not exist.
Fairy tales are not reality.
There is no waking up
From this nightmare.
No falling asleep to
Sink into a dream.
She wonders how
Many apologies
She will have to make up for.
How many good bys
She will have to say.
She wonders if
The man she
Marries
Will have the
Right words
To patch the holes
In her
Fragile
Daughters
Fragile heart.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
My righting comes and goes
But when darkness is here, inspiration
Why is that so.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
Hard to be strong
It's so hard to be strong all the time
It's so hard to be strong for your friends and family especially for yourself.
It's so hard to be strong when you're crumbling apart inside,
It's hard to be strong when all you ever do is be strong for your friends, always there for them even
When you have absolutely no time for them, I always make time for them to make sure there okay.
The one time I can't be strong for anyone since I'm crumbling know one has time for me.
I'm not important enough for them to even say hey what's up why so glum...
The day is too busy to make time to say though couple words to know that someone cares about me.
It's so hard to be strong when you are crumbling inside… it is so hard to be strong when I'm so sad...
It's so hard to be strong.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
I awake each day with a smile
I greet it with a laugh;
The world is a treasure to me
Because of you.
Every time I think
Of something sad
I replace the thought
With you!
My mind is instantly changed
And my heart it filled
With gladness.
Every breath I take
Is meant for you,
I live this life surrounded  
In joy, and I bathe in the promise
Of your love, my soul belongs
To you.
Each time I see something
Beautiful I want to take it
And bring it to you;
My life has so much meaning
Now all because of
You.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
Do you relay not care if I disappear
Would you care if I walked out of this house
Never to return again?
Would you miss me at all
If I didn't show up at school today?
Would anyone notice?
Would anyone even care enough
To find me?
Or would you just go on in life
Like I was never there.
Would you be to focused on
Your electronics to notice
I didn't come home.
Would you be to focused
On The passing kids
To know the failing kid
Didn't show.  
When will you start to care?
When you find the note on
The dining room table
That I left.
Or when you hear my name
On the news missing child.
When you relies that empty desk
Next to you once belonged
To me.
You will do all you can to find me
But you would have been too late
You asked why, as you cried that night
But did you ever think
That it might have been you
That drove me away.
I did not leave by choice
I left because it was my only escape.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
Late night dancing
When the music starts to play
Its hard not to dance to it.
As I twirl around the room
In to your arms. Dancing
On the soft notes of a violin
Echo within the house.  I dance
On my toes towards the door
Out in to the yard under the moonlight.
I dance to the beautiful music. The light
Soft violin floats over and through the
Cracks of the other house mixing in with the
Drum solo of the ******* rock song.

He dances in a different way
He bangs his head back and forth
To and fro letting his hair fall any ware.
He cranks it up to let the whole neighborhood
To hear. It escapes through the chimney traveling
Through the neighborhood till it reaches a
House party.

Teens buzzing every ware rubbing up on each other
All the ***** dancing adults hate. Listing to remixes
Of there favorite songs, the beat and screech of a siren
Fills the night sky, dub step is joining the party in the
Sky.  

Up in the clouds with only the moonlight to project the light
The music notes dance tonight.
The soft music twirls and spines around stage like a ballerina
She finds the boy with the head banging and teaches him how to
Spin while she learns how to shake her head.
The loudest of the party shows up and starts ***** dancing with
Everyone around.
The party becomes bigger as more of the neighborhood wakes up
To dance tonight.
Country and tap-dance the music notes find new partners
And dance the night away under the moonlight.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
Love ninja
I discovered love is like a ninja.
Ninja hide in the dark waiting to attack there pray.
Well love doesn't attack there pray.
But it hides in the dark like a ninja out of sight
of thoughts looking for love. It comes out when we
aren't looking for love. Just like ninjas
we try are hardest to find ninjas
but we never can, we try are hardest to find love
but we never can. In till it finds us.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
Mother's Day

A day of relief
No worries
Just pure relaxation.
No Mother don't move
I will do that for you
Just sit relax
Have a pleasant time.

I will do the chores today.
Just lie in the sun
Soak up that vitamin D
Enjoy the massage dad gives
The wet kisses from the dog
Let go of all the stress
And the worries.
I got this

Just take a break
I'll do the cleaning
I'll do the work
Just sit back and
Your day will be great.
We will treasure you with
Presents and gifts
We will do anything you ask
It's your day.

Its mother's day,
It should be that day every day
Not just once a year
That we do things for
The person we love the most
The thanks we have to give
Is too much for one day
But I will try my best
I will treat you like a
Queen.

Just sit back
I am at your command
With no complaint
I will be there
For you.
Happy mother's day mom
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
Painting a picture
Hi there, I wanted to try something new
I would like to paint a picture in your mind
With swift brush strokes of my words as my
Paint.

Before I start take a second and shut your
Eyes and think of something that is bright and beautiful
Something that warms your head to your toes, even
Your soul.

Take a couple of deep soothing breaths in through
Your nose, sit there and focus on that feeling you have
As the cold air rushes through you, calming the
Strom inside.  Breath out now let the dragon
Fly free, let it warm your frozen hands before
We start.

Now before we start we must choose are style
Would you like to paint with big chunky paint brushes
Using all the rich colors to engulf the paper in a fire
Consuming the tiny village as the dark sky billows with the
Black smoke of people crying and pleading for help.

Or would you like to go with some colored pencils
We could draw with all the light and soft colors
Of a cool spring breeze swishing through the
Golden locks of a young ******* a swing set with
Her mommy on tow.

We could also use water paints
Make a beautiful ocean seen  ware
The water laps up the sand, leaving
Shells and sparkly glass waiting to be
Discovered by curios eyes.

I think these all sound like great ways to paint
A picture for you, but I have another idea in mind.
What if I use the swift little  brush quick on its tip
to make a human  being on the page.  The brush would
Dance over the page painting a man tall and lean man
Standing out in the wilderness with his hands folded
Over his chest making a heart shape.  

The smile on his face is so bright and cheery it made the
Birds sing a little tune. His curly locks of Carmel shaped
His face covering one of the blue crescent moon's of an eye.
His face was chiseled perfectly.

I switch to a tiny brush adding all the details to the man
Like the missing button on his untuck red and white
Checkered shirt, just like a farmer would ware.
The tiny ripped seams on the ankle of his faded jeans.

I put down my brushes crack my hands and take out the
Pencils. My hand sways and maneuvers around the page
As if there was an actual breeze moving my hand so
I draw the grass clinging to his shoes as if never to let go
Others sway more to the left looking away from the human
In fear. Blue swirls enchant the sky ruffling the blue jays
Feathers.

Behind the man the sky becomes a beautiful pink and red
The clouds get in the way of the sunset and become giant
***** of cotton candy lazily floating across the sky waiting
To be eaten by a hungry rainbow.

My markers etch out a beautiful sunset as the rays
Reach across the earth hugging the boy in warmth
From behind. I switch back and forth from pencil to marker
Adding in the details of the swishes and twirls of the flame
Coming off the ball of the sun minting in to the earth atmosphere.

To finish of the picture I go back to ware the delicate hands
Of the man make a heart shape over his chest. I take the chunky
Brush from before and make swift but bold marks
Of red, orange, purple, gold, pink, yellow, blue, green,
the colors of a  Rainbow. All inside of his hand, forming a heart.
It leaks down out spreading in to the world around him.
His soul is to big to stay trapped in his heart anymore.

As it gushes out it paints the sunshine in vibrant colors of
Warmth, and cools down the air to make a gentle breeze, which provokes
The soft grass to hug his feet, and makes the blue jay sing its beautiful
Tune and causes him to smile so deeply. Because he is free.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
I'm not your rag doll
I'm not just another toy for you!
I'm not your punching bag,
I can bruise!
I'm not your *****,
I will not clean up after you!
I am not a caged animal
You can't keep me locked up like this!
I'm not your mother,
I will not take care of you!
I'm not yours,
Not anymore!
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
sometimes

you make me so happy

inside

i think i would puke rainbows

if i opened my mouth

so i just sit and smile instead.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
Senior Present
I walked in to the school this morning
To see all of the teachers
Munching and nibbling on food.
I turned down the hallway to be greeted
By a glorious sent that hit my nostrils

I watched as kids floated down the hall way
Towards the smell, they were just out of reach
Of the food, as the smell led them to a closed door
Of the teachers lounge.

Inside were all sorts of candies. There was a candy
Of every type, all shapes and sizes. No one was left
Out every teacher had there favorite kind some ware.

There were cakes and pies,
Fudge and brownies,
Ice cream and frozen yogurt.
There was healthy food
And nut free snacks.
There was lollipops
And twizlers.

It was Halloween all over again,
With a twist of fancy,
It was a dessert buffet
Just for the teachers.

It was a way to thank them for all the
Time they spent teaching us the same thing
To have patience for all the questions, to help us
In till we understood, staying extra hours to help us.

This food display is a thanks to not just the teachers
But to the janitors, the special education helpers
The nurses, librarians, office and consoler office ladies
The police officers and the principal her self.

I thought it would be nice to give you all a special treat
A present, instead a prank, since it is my senior year.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
Tears billow down my cheek bones
My nose flares searching for air
My scream barley escapes through the crack
Between his figures, pressed so hard
Against my bleeding mouth.
Pain shoots all over me he has pinned my
Arm down in a way it should not be able to bend
I fight as much as I can but I'm nothing compared
To his strength I cant even lift my head.
Pain shoots all over me, he tares and rips
Me open waves of blood soak the bed sheets.
The pain is to much for me to bear
I slip in to the darkness that capes the room
My breathing slows, my eyes shut I hear
the squeaking for the floor boards fall silent
I feel as the bed becomes still.  I hear a small whimper
From the sound man that was caught up in the heat
Of the moment come to turns of what he just did.
The room falls silent and still, I watch from above
As his silent tears fall.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
Stars
With mystery in my eyes
I look upon the sky tonight
As I wish upon a star
So many light years away
And yet it's so colorful and bright.
My eyes twinkle with delight
As I sit there wishing with all my might.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
Sunshine
Time to wake up, Time to get up,
Or the sunshine, Will be knocking
On your windowsill soon.

Come on, Jump out of bed,
Shake your head, come
Dance out of dreamland,
Into the sunshine of a
Bright new day.

Come on now, open
Your window smell
The fresh air, stick
Your head out and sing
With the birds for awhile.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
The Jam Jar
Breakfast taught me a lesson this morning,
As I waited for my toast I watched my brother
Struggle with the jam jar,
He squeezed as hard as he could, he shook the
Bottle wildly, trying to get the jam out.  
The air bubble in side popped and the jelly pored out.
I watched as he smothered they jelly on his bread,
Just staring at the pile left that he didn't need.
He had more then enough but did not share with me
Instead he through it in the garbage.
It made me think of life when people work there
Buts off and get more then they need and they don't
Know what to do with it all so they just throw it away.
He handed me the jar that was now almost gone.
I shook and shook that thing I scraped the walls
Clean, but I didn't even have enough for one piece
Of bred. It made me think of all the poor people out
There that work there hardest and barley get anything
To survive on. I was about to give up when m mom walked
In and gave a full jar of jam. She reminded me that there are
Caring people out there watching out for us.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
The sounds of a Rainbow
Don't you just love the sounds the
Rainbow makes?
But rainbows don't make sounds
You say.
They shine brightly in the sky
But I cant see I'm blind.
So I hear the rainbow instead.
Every color has its own sound
Red comes from the anger of
Two people fighting.
Orange comes from the soft
Munching noises as people
Enjoy the delicious food.
Yellow is the construction man
Working on the road
Green is the busy beeps, and rings
Of all the busy people on there
Electronics.
Blue comes from the wailing baby
With tears coming down its face.
And Purple is the children's laughter
That echoes through the world.

All the sounds alone are nothing to you
But all the sounds together make a rainbow
For me.
that's why I smile all the time because I can
Hear the rainbows in the room,
But why would I smile ate people fighting
And a baby crying.
Because a rainbow only comes after rain.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
THUD THUD THUD
that's what I hear all night
Zooming over the waters edge
Thud thud thud
My heart pounding with excitement of the treasure I see in
The distance
Thud thud thud
When we stop and climb abored
All the feet's racing here and there looking for the crates
Thud thud thud
We take of on the vast bumpy ocean
The wind in my hair
Thud thud thud
My jorney is yet over tonight in till tomorrow's adventure
Thud thud thud
Of the machine gun bolts flying by
Thud thud thud
Of my partners hitting the ground
Thud thud thud
Of my heart a racing
Thud thud thud
I hit the ground
Thud thud thud
Is all I hear in my head
I think of what a fun time ive had on the bouncy water
I lay still listing to the last thuds of my heart beating
Thud thud thud
Thud thud
Thud
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
Red- like the blood dripping from my arms…
Orange- like the 100 pills I took last night…
Yellow- like the bullet that tore through my scull…
Green- like the food I puke up after every meal…
Blue- like the tears running down my face…
Purple- like the shade my face turns when I can't breathe anymore…
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
You Love Me
You picked me up from the ground
Showed me your love
Helped me understand my life
You showed me the different world
You loved me with all your heart
You love me when I am mad
You love me when I'm sad
You love me when I cry
You love me when I lost my mind
And have no idea who I am
I know you love me,
You love me with all your heart
And for that I want to thank you
From the bottom of my heart.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
Young and Fragile
Her skin is old and worn
Her skin is dry and cracking,
And torn.

She has burns and scars,
Telling stories of her life. Her hair
Has gone frail, and loss its color after
All those years of dyeing it.

She moves slowly, inching one foot
Forward at a time. Her muscles are tired
From all the dancing at a young age.

Slow puffs of breath
Between her hacking cough
From all the smoking she did.

Her eyes ware her soul lives,
Has been through it all tears,  and joy.  
Her eyes  never grew old and tired like her body has.
They are young and fragile like her heart still is.
Searching for her one true love, yet again.
Alyssa Beddoe Aug 2012
YOUR TO LATE
You stand there staring at me
As you try to figure out how to help me.
You watch as I scream in agony
Shiver in pain in my corner on the floor.
You stare at me with though black beady eyes
Watching me as my past brings me pain.
You jump back as you see my face transform
Into the black and purple smashed up face of yester year.
You start to cry when you see my scars begin to reopen
As blood pores out of my arms and legs.
You cry for help when I look at you with help in my eyes
You turn your back to me to get help
You hear me scream and watch as my neck tightens
My face turns red to purple as I start to suffocate in my corner.
You run to me trying to help but it's met by a fire wall.
You're too late.
The room begins to shake and crumble
Just like my heart.
Its goes quiet
It gets cold
You look over at my still body
As I lie there lifeless on the floor.
You kneel next to me and cry
You're too late.

— The End —