I roll my eyes at her.
Get over it, whiny child.
You’ve got love, and a roof over head.
Who cares if you don’t feel like you?
Clothes strewn about the floor.
***** dishes piled in the sink.
Children staring at a screen.
Deadlines catching up.
Snap out of it.
Cries for attention ignored, as they should be.
You don’t deserve help.
You’re acting like a little *****.
And she remains transfixed.
Ignoring signs.
Distracting herself. Talking to strangers.
Indulging in self pleasures.
And writing words.

I am tired and confused
Insecure and self-abused.
I am awkward. I am shy.
I am goofy, I am dry.
I am grateful, overjoyed.
I am selfish and annoyed.
I am clumsy. I am lazy.
I am laid back. I am crazy.
I am loyal. I’m betrayed.
Sensitive and so afraid.
I’m uncomfortable and lonely.
I am real. I am phony.
I am overstimulated.
I am loving. I am hated.
I am overwhelmed and stressed.
I’m anxious and depressed.
I am ugly. I am sad.
I am innocent. I’m bad.
I am cautious, disappointed.
I’m standoffish and disjointed.
I am curious and caring.
I am strange and overbearing.
I’m mysterious and pained.
A free spirit and contained.
I am sick and I’m distracted.
****** and unattractive.
I am angry I am friendly.
I am boisterous and deadly.
I am laughing. I am crying.
I am funny. I am dying.
I am trapped and I am free.
I’m ****** up, but I am me.

Catch me with your little laugh
So powerful yet so small.
Pull me from that dark place
With one tiny sound.
Oh little boy you’ve done it again,
I can’t stay sad for long.
Contagious in its way,
I cannot help myself.
Even just the thought of your laughter echoing in my head,
Makes the corners of my lips curl up in a grin.
You have no idea how many times that sound has saved my life.
Just like that perfect little smile.
So mischievous and innocent all at once.
Your spark, little Firecracker, lightens this heavy heart.
Someday you will light the world.

Head words to paper
Flow flow flow.
I’m in a writing mood.
Go go go.
Can’t turn off my brain
To pen from pain,
Feeding creativity. Watch it grow.
My heart wants to feel
Now now now.
Searching for healing
How how how.
The therapy of write,
May keep me up all night.
But it’s making me feel better somehow.

I’m throwing cries for help at anyone who will catch them.
But I am far from athletic.
They will either fall at your feet,
Or fly right over your head.
It’s ok if you miss.
This game isn’t for you anyway.

A piece of me upon your eyes.
To see this smile and watch it hide.
Door cracked open just enough
To look but not to fall in love.
Happy hazels look away.
No deep stare to see their pain.
Tangled chestnut covers face.
Always slightly out of place.
A piece of me upon your ears
To hear me laugh over the the tears.
To speak with words I don’t believe.
And hope that they won’t make you leave.
Singing songs with happy notes,
But lyrics of sad anecdotes.
Only whispers, only shouts.
To keep from figuring me out.
A piece of me upon your hand.
To slip through fingers just like sand.
A touch as gentle as the air
Not quite enough to make you care.
Just a brush of skin on skin.
Just enough to let you in.
But not so much to make you stay.
Again I watch them run away.

Worthless. Invisible. What is the point if no one cares?  
Drowning in a sea of my own tears.
Falling in slow motion.
Waiting for the second part.
The crash and burn, the gut punch to my heart.
Beating myself up again.
You’ll decide in a matter to time.
I’m not worth it.
Crazy girl she hurts too much.
She loves too much or not enough.
Move on.
You’re better off leaving me here
I fantasize of how I’ll disappear.
Letters of goodbye to the world I leave behind.
Maybe I’m a coward but I truly believe
They all are and always were better off without me.