Your two a.m. words are my favorite
The way the starlight reflects in your eyes
And your smile breaks your face in half
When you tell me about your homeland
And how you used to sleep in the mountains
I paint the picture in my mind of you
Riding whitetail through the tropics

He's probably dead now, you admit
That horse you loved all those years ago
And it just breaks my ******* heart
But you don't seem to notice
You're talking to the shadows
To the monsters under my bead
Reminiscing of how things used to be

And how you miss the smell of coffee
When your mother would grind the beans
You tell me you miss your home
But you don't ever want to return
Because nothing can restore the past
Because I'm here, now, with you

You tell me that my laughter
Is the only home you'll ever need
And that the mountain bonfires
Cannot compare to the heat from my skin
You tell me you always believed in angels
But I was the first one you ever laid eyes on
You tell me my lips are sweet and my voice
Always hums the perfect melody

And in all these ways
You tell me you love me.
But I tell you
I cannot compete with a memory,

And it breaks my heart
Even more.

You see friends
I have pondered
for a multitude of time
of how love goes stale
and people drift away from what was once so pure

It's intimacy, isn't it?
You push the lovers together
so close that they see the cracks of skin
and the unsightly hairs
and the moles
and the stretch marks
and the unwelcomed halitosis

Remember when that person was made of stars?
When they bathed in oceans of milk and ate flowers
and their skin was made up of shredded moon
when you loved them from a distance
and couldn't wait to touch them
and possess them

Well now you do
and your dream is real
how does that feel?

I think that's how love goes stale.

Who else is eating drugs
who else is burning out
who else is sleeping rough
who else is having doubts
who else is hiding shame
who else is healing pain
who else is needing sun in the middle of the rain
who else is never tired
who else is half awake
who else is getting bad luck when they really wanted fate
who else is fading out
who else is giving up
who else is painting smiles on a mouth of words corrupt
who else has blackened eyes
who else is wearing thin
who else fighting thunder when they're ready to give in
who else is burning bright
through every lonely night
who else is preparing their armour, though they're not ready for the fight

We fell down the mountain into piles of cold snow and we never saw the frostbite headed our way.
It was cold and lonely as we went our separate ways but the ice had only just begun to form in our hearts.

It was like trying to cross a train track when the train was moving full speed ahead; death was around the corner laughing at us. It was like trying to breathe underwater; impossibilities were not our strong suit.

I would like to paint a picture of us but I wouldn't know what color to start with. Sometimes I picture us so blue and calm with tiny hints of red... But it was more like red slashes along a white canvas.

We hit the winter at full speed with only our naive hearts guiding the way. Love melted faster than the snow that night and there was nothing we could do to stop it.

Sometimes I sit and I wonder
What falling in love feels like
The slow process of
Flirtation and adoration
Cute notes to even cuter girls
Phone numbers
Written in ball point pen
In hands trying so hard
Not to sweat
The stuttering that occurs
Every time your heart
Beats too fast
The first time a butterfly
***** it's wing
Inside your stomach
And your cheeks flush red
And at first
You really can't tell
If your falling in love
Or dying
Because they feel so
**** similar
At first
You're not too sure
Why your icy veins melt
When she says your name
At first
Your hands are always
Clammy and your skin
Turns raw
At the very
Idea of her


I've never
Felt that way
About anyone.
It is so strange
How people fall
So slow.
When I meet someone
I either instantly
Want them gone
Or
I become
Utterly, irrationally, obsessed with their
Entire being
I want to know
Every inch of them
All at once
I ask question upon question
Gnawing at their minds
Until they grow
Completely sick
Of me.

Oh how lovely,
It must be,
To fall in love slowly.
A virtue I will never
Know.

Though the microscopic details of last night
Have effortless flooded out of my mind
And into her breath
I can still see all of the scenes
That I tried like hell to forget
But it's in her lungs
Like a piece of her
That she couldn't have possibly lived without
But will still soon let go
And forget
But it's there

Those words I mouthed as I realized
So swiftly
She doesn't know.

This girl that I met and instantly
Felt connected to
Like the frayed string of my favorite crimson sweater
Locked away in my closet
Finally stitched itself up
And it's Winter
And I still look half decent in red
So it's pressed against my skin once more

I sat there with the drugs between my teeth
Like I had something to prove
To myself
And the world
I'm still here you know, I'm still here
And even though I've pinky promised
And high-fived this girl
Like we grew up together
Eating the same dirt
She still doesn't know

She doesn't know all of the tragedy in my blood
And how I make Violet, Klaus, and Sunny jealous
Of my misfortune
A story so dark it would never win an award
But it happened
And it happened to me
And ripped me in half and activated my emptiness
Like depression is just a switch that only flips one way
A back plague that can only adhere itself to hope
And it's safe to say a dementor would starve
If I was left as it's only prey

So here we are,
And we're sharing a bowl laughing bitterly at memories
We wish we didn't have
Acting like we've moved on and built a bridge
Over the heart ache by simply laying down our jackets
On top of a puddle
But it wasn't that simple
I'm sitting in a pile of rubble and bricks with upside-down blueprints
In French
Slot A and B don't exist
And there is no simple way to forget the things
That once made us hole

I want a time machine so I can go back
And erase everything I ever ****** up
I want a time machine so I can flash forward
And see where the **** all of this is leading me to
I want a time machine
Because I'm sick of taking my life day by day
Scraping by, just praying to survive
Hoping someone will ride in on a white horse
With a suit of armor big enough for both of us
And a sword sharp enough to slice up my demons

I take my hit
And I stare at the girl I barely know
Wondering if her past can measure up to mine

She doesn't know.

She doesn't know how broken my heart was
On the day I learned it wasn't really shaped like that
She doesn't know that I was beautiful once
Before the scars took over my skin
She doesn't know

And maybe that's why we're friends.