Someone described heaven to me,
He said,
Heaven is the happiest place on earth,
Your happiest place on earth.
The place where you want to be.

So I sat under a tree,
And let my thoughts run free,
I was thinking about heaven,
And what it would be for me.

Heaven was the first day I met you,
Our first conversation,
When my heart skipped a beat,
And my palm sweated profusely.

Heaven was sitting with you,
Having a meal,
Watching your every move in slow motion,
Getting lost in your eyes as always.

Heaven was what I thought we could be,
Together,
Because we never were,
I never held your hand on earth.

In heaven,
We shared a thousand kisses,
Lived to be a hundred,
Spent every day overlooking the golden sunset.

In heaven,
We shared a sip of some iced tea,
Walked along the shores of a beach,
Made sweet love in the home we built together.

In heaven,
Our conversations took more depth,
My love for you learned new levels,
Levels unbeknownst to men below.

In my heaven,
Our children and children's children ran around us,
Playing in the garden,
Without a care in the world.

And in my heaven,
We went to the back of the school everyday,
Danced to the music of the winds,
Stared into each others eyes,
Until the morrow creeped over us.

Ahh heaven,
What I would give to be with you,
But alas my life on earth is not lived yet,
There is so much more for me to do,
SO Much more for me to feel.

So my heaven,
My love,
Wait for me,
For I will join thee soon
And become one at last.

-051602-

I do not deserve this judgement,
I have done nothing wrong.
I have not sinned against you,
All i have done,
I did of my own will.

My own will,
It comes about not from Lucifer,
But from my own observation,
My own sloth,
My own greed,
My own vanity.

It is my decisions which I have made in my own life,
Why then does it hurt you of all people?

If my life is about to dwindle down the drain,
Watch on and if you want to, help me,
Otherwise just watch.

Who are you to save me then?
When you could not even save yourself
As the chance came along.

Instead you be a hypocrite and tell me naught from right,
Then you criticize me and nag at me for doing things my way.

Blame yourself then,
For why you did what you did to me..

I will not blame you.

I will not blame anybody.

this is my will
and my way of life.

You never loved her,
You never did,
She was just a trophy.

You never loved me,
You stayed on out of obligation,
You never wanted this life.

You're unhappy,
Its not our fault.

Dont take it out on us.
Leave and enjoy the remnants of your life.

Go away.

Leave her be and let her recover from the misery that you,
You and your family inflicted upon her,
And should she miss you,
Then return.

But do not lie to me that you loved her.

You never did.

Because if you did love her,
You would never have done what you did.

You never loved her.
So do not say you did.

Do Not Lie.

Paint a picture of me,
Show it to others,
Tell them about me,
Tell them how bad of a person I am.

Tell them  how I have done nothing for you,
Show them how useless I am,
Point out to them all,
How much of an ungrateful idiot I am,
Show the my free will which you willingly shoot down,
Tell them how I crucify others but hide how you crucify me,
Show them the bad things that I have done,
Sing to them of my rudeness,
My audacity, my arrogance, my impatience, my habits,
Complaint about me to them,
Tell them every bad thing you have to say about me,
Continue to paint  the bad picture of me to the world.

Isn't that how you want the whole word to see me?
A deranged lunatic,
A bad son,
An awful brother,
An idiot of a friend,
A filthy creature.

That's all you can think of me or say of me.

Crucify my free will over and over again,
Poke and jab at my thoughts.

This is why i'd rather lie and die than be with you.

This is why one day, I will go insane and then you will see the light of day of what I have done for you.

Someone described heaven to me,
He said,
Heaven is the happiest place on earth,
Your happiest place on earth.
The place where you want to be.

So I sat under a tree,
And let my thoughts run free,
I was thinking about heaven,
And what it would be for me.

Heaven was the first day I met you,
Our first conversation,
When my heart skipped a beat,
And my palm sweated profusely.

Heaven was sitting with you,
Having a meal,
Watching your every move in slow motion,
Getting lost in your eyes as always.

Heaven was what I thought we could be,
Together,
Because we never were,
I never held your hand on earth.

In heaven,
We shared a thousand kisses,
Lived to be a hundred,
Spent every day overlooking the golden sunset.

In heaven,
We shared a sip of some iced tea,
Walked along the shores of a beach,
Made sweet love in the home we built together.

In heaven,
Our conversations took more depth,
My love for you learned new levels,
Levels unbeknownst to men below.

In my heaven,
Our children and children's children ran around us,
Playing in the garden,
Without a care in the world.

And in my heaven,
We went to the back of the school everyday,
Danced to the music of the winds,
Stared into each others eyes,
Until the morrow creeped over us.

Ahh heaven,
What I would give to be with you,
But alas my life on earth is not lived yet,
There is so much more for me to do,
SO Much more for me to feel.

So my heaven,
My love,
Wait for me,
For I will join thee soon
And become one at last.

-051602-

I'd like to think,
That,
From the moment I met you,
I fell inlove with you.

But reality is,
I didn't.

I fell in love with you,
When we couldn't stop texting.

I fell in love with you,
When we spoke for hours on the phone.

I fell in love with you,
When the sight of you
made my heart jump and my palms sweat,
Like it does this very day.

I fell in love with you,
When I started acting all cool and awkward
so I wouldn't make a fool of myself
In front of you.

I fell in love with you,
When you laughed at my jokes
and smiled at me.

I fell in love with you,
When you listened to me complaint
about everything under the sun.

I fell in love with you,
When you put your hand on my shoulder
and told me it would be okey.

I fell in love with you,
As we said goodbye for the first time.

I fell in love with you,
When you rejoiced everytime I came home.

I fell in love with you,
As we fell asleep in movies.

I fell in love with you,
Through the times you loved others.

I fell in love with you,
On the day you told me
you loved me.

I fell in love with you,
As "I Do's" rolled away from our tongues
and we shared out first kiss.

I fell in love with you,
Holding our babies
watching them grow up.

I fell in love with you,
As you hold my hand,
And breathe your last.

So I guess,
It suffices to say,
I fell in love with you,
When I first met you,
And we smiled at each other.

Gunshots of realization,
****** clothes that once bore meaning strewn everywhere,
Dirt on the subconscious,
Bullet casings on your consciousness,
Sweat drips onto reality,
Facts are blasted from tanks,
Feelings pour down like rain on the battlefield,
The air tense and hot,
It is dry and *****,
The war wages on,
In your mind.

I look at you,
All I want to do,
Is to kiss you,
On your cheeks.

All I want to do,
To lay a peck,
On your cheeks,
Its so soft.

To lay a peck,
Its eating me alive,
Its so soft,
I want to kiss you.

Its eating me alive,
That you sit there,
I want to kiss you,
But I cant.

That you sit there,
Facing me,
But I cant,
I cant touch you.

Facing me,
Into your eyes I stare,
I cant touch you,
So you touch me.

Into your eyes I stare,
And you come closer to me,
So you touch me,
And slowly you kiss me on my cheeks.

And you come closer to me,
I need to kiss you,
And slowly you kiss me on my cheeks,
I look at you.

I found an old photograph,
Of you and me,
You had your arms around me,
And mine around yours.

I found an old photograph,
Of you and me,
I did not love you then,
And you, me.

I found an old photograph,
Of you and me,
It was taken very early,
Into our friendship.

I found an old photograph,
Of you and me,
It meant nothing at the time,
But now it does to me.

I found an old photograph,
Of you and me,
Much has changed between us,
Since the time it was took.

I found an old photograph,
Of you and me,
We are now lovers,
And the stars above tell our story.

I have a new photograph,
Of you and me,
Its in my hand,
Its for you and for me,

In this new photograph,
Your arms still around me,
I look up into your eyes,
And I know,
This is where i'm supposed to be.

Today I am a man,
Because you made me a man.

Today I am a man,
Because of what you taught me.

Today I am a man,
Because of your grace and patience.

Today I am a man,
At the price of your sacrifices.

Today I am a man,
Who thanks you when I can,
For everything that you have done for me.

Today I am a man
That has been loved,
And a man that can love.

Today I may not be the perfect man
But I am a man,
Brave,
Powerful,
Kind,
Charming,
And loving.

Today I am still the man I am.
Because of my mother, father and sister.

Today I am a man,
Not the perfect man,
But forevermore,
A man nonetheless.

A storm is coming,
Its coming in the form of a man,
He comes to disrupt,
Whatever peace I have left.

But I will fight this man,
Only because,
This peace I have,
I worked to attain.

But this storm of a man,
Comes in beauty,
He comes with delightful looks,
And he plans to rip away the peace in my heart.

This man,
This strong man,
When he smiles at me,
I melt away in his arms.

But the storm is strong,
And it covers me,
And I am lost again,
The peace I have slowly disappears.

But I scream NO!
I will not lose the peace,
A peace which I have come to love,
Which I have become accustomed to.

This man shakes my love,
This storm shakes my beliefs,
This man has his arm around me,
And I am at peace again.

But what do I tell the peace I already have?
Do I leave it?

This storm in the form of a man,
Has caused me to question my peace.

The sophisticated and beautiful storm.

I am at a crossroads.

On my left is the storm that will take me into new realms,
And in that storm, an unknown man stands,
His hands outreached to receive me,
Behind him is the unknown.

On my right is peace and love,
Amongst all that peace and love is warmth,
A man stands there as well, but a man with a familiar face,
He smiles and ushers me come to him.

So I stand at the crossroad,
Thinking,
Pondering,
Wondering,
Screaming.

The pain is terrible,
The feeling is disgraceful.

But I know I have to choose.
But what will I choose?

So I choose the road ahead of me,
Neither left nor right,
I stumble onto a new road,
And I look on at it,
And I am happy with what I have chosen,
I will create peace and love there,
Wherever this road leads me,
I will begin a storm for myself.

And the two men are no more.

Some love stories end with despair,
Some end with happiness,
Some end with loneliness,
Some end with fireworks.

Some love stories are epic as the next motion picture,
Some are short stories made into a TV movie.

Some love stories are nothing but drama,
Some love stories carry emotion.

Some love stories carry meaning,
Some love stories are physical.

Some stories are mixed up,
Some are laid out like sticks.

Some stories breathe new life,
Some stories live up to old life.

But our love story is different.

Ours began as a seed planted freshly in the soil,
Then we watered it daily with kisses,
We fertilized it every other weekend,
We moved in out into the sunlight,
And we cared for it.

Eventually,
It blossomed.

It blossomed into a lily.
No, a rose.
And on that rose,
We penned down the details,
The details of our love story.

We penned down the day we met,
How we felt,
Where we went,
And what we ate.

I penned down the night I lay in your arms,
Feeling you with me.

And as the sun set and the day drew to a close,
And every petal had been written on,
I placed the rose with our love story back in its vase,
And placed it on our windowsill.

There it will be forever,
There it will live forever,
As a memory of our love story,
And as a lesson for all.

So what was our love story?

It was a short meaningful story,
It was an epic romance,
It was a walk down the beach under the sunset,
It was physical passion.

It was yours,
It was mine,
It was our love story.

If I wrote about my love for you,
It would take 7 years
and 7 volumes to put it altogether.

I could write forever,
And not be done,
Because thats how strong my love is for you,
Immortal and unending.

How could it not be immortal and unending,
You were,
In every way,
My first love.

Penning down my love for you,
Is everything I have ever wanted to do,
And so I do it,
Hoping for some sort of profit,
Knowing that no good can come from this,
Until I tell you this and try not to hiss.

I know that you know that I loved you,
Does that even make sense?
I mean,
I do love you.

So I try to fit this love into a book,
And it would not stop at page one hundred and twenty,
It just went on and on.

Not knowing what to do,
I fell even more in love with you,
Regretted nothing in this time.

I guess I hoped and hoped for some sort of recourse,
But its okay.

People always say,
If you love someone so much, be willing to let them go if it makes them happy.

But what if,
I am not willing?
Until I get a chance to be happy myself,
And what if,
That happiness stems forth
from being with someone I love so much.

So I sit by this tree,
I sit and wait,
Penning this rant on paper,
Staining it with my tears of 7 years of love.

Seven thousand teardrops later,
I cannot think no more,
So I close this book for now,
Volume 7 of my immortal love.



So I will continue to write,
As long as there is love in my heart for you,
As long as you are there in my life for me and with me,
I will write and there will be volumes!
There will be poems!
All to tell you only one thing that I could not tell you with my own lips.

But I will hide them away from you,
Knowing you will not hunt down my poems,
My sonnets,
My vilanelles,
My free verse,
My prose,

If you do,
I pray you do not decipher them
And learn the truth behind them
They will bring shame to me,
Because I did not have it in me,
To tell it to your face,
What I have written in my words.

So pray be,
Leave them alone,
And if you do decipher these,
I leave it entirely to you.

These volumes and years of my love,
they exist to tell you,
That I.Love.You.