Someone described heaven to me,
He said,
Heaven is the happiest place on earth,
Your happiest place on earth.
The place where you want to be.

So I sat under a tree,
And let my thoughts run free,
I was thinking about heaven,
And what it would be for me.

Heaven was the first day I met you,
Our first conversation,
When my heart skipped a beat,
And my palm sweated profusely.

Heaven was sitting with you,
Having a meal,
Watching your every move in slow motion,
Getting lost in your eyes as always.

Heaven was what I thought we could be,
Together,
Because we never were,
I never held your hand on earth.

In heaven,
We shared a thousand kisses,
Lived to be a hundred,
Spent every day overlooking the golden sunset.

In heaven,
We shared a sip of some iced tea,
Walked along the shores of a beach,
Made sweet love in the home we built together.

In heaven,
Our conversations took more depth,
My love for you learned new levels,
Levels unbeknownst to men below.

In my heaven,
Our children and children's children ran around us,
Playing in the garden,
Without a care in the world.

And in my heaven,
We went to the back of the school everyday,
Danced to the music of the winds,
Stared into each others eyes,
Until the morrow creeped over us.

Ahh heaven,
What I would give to be with you,
But alas my life on earth is not lived yet,
There is so much more for me to do,
SO Much more for me to feel.

So my heaven,
My love,
Wait for me,
For I will join thee soon
And become one at last.

-051602-

I do not deserve this judgement,
I have done nothing wrong.
I have not sinned against you,
All i have done,
I did of my own will.

My own will,
It comes about not from Lucifer,
But from my own observation,
My own sloth,
My own greed,
My own vanity.

It is my decisions which I have made in my own life,
Why then does it hurt you of all people?

If my life is about to dwindle down the drain,
Watch on and if you want to, help me,
Otherwise just watch.

Who are you to save me then?
When you could not even save yourself
As the chance came along.

Instead you be a hypocrite and tell me naught from right,
Then you criticize me and nag at me for doing things my way.

Blame yourself then,
For why you did what you did to me..

I will not blame you.

I will not blame anybody.

this is my will
and my way of life.

You never loved her,
You never did,
She was just a trophy.

You never loved me,
You stayed on out of obligation,
You never wanted this life.

You're unhappy,
Its not our fault.

Dont take it out on us.
Leave and enjoy the remnants of your life.

Go away.

Leave her be and let her recover from the misery that you,
You and your family inflicted upon her,
And should she miss you,
Then return.

But do not lie to me that you loved her.

You never did.

Because if you did love her,
You would never have done what you did.

You never loved her.
So do not say you did.

Do Not Lie.

Paint a picture of me,
Show it to others,
Tell them about me,
Tell them how bad of a person I am.

Tell them  how I have done nothing for you,
Show them how useless I am,
Point out to them all,
How much of an ungrateful idiot I am,
Show the my free will which you willingly shoot down,
Tell them how I crucify others but hide how you crucify me,
Show them the bad things that I have done,
Sing to them of my rudeness,
My audacity, my arrogance, my impatience, my habits,
Complaint about me to them,
Tell them every bad thing you have to say about me,
Continue to paint  the bad picture of me to the world.

Isn't that how you want the whole word to see me?
A deranged lunatic,
A bad son,
An awful brother,
An idiot of a friend,
A filthy creature.

That's all you can think of me or say of me.

Crucify my free will over and over again,
Poke and jab at my thoughts.

This is why i'd rather lie and die than be with you.

This is why one day, I will go insane and then you will see the light of day of what I have done for you.

Someone described heaven to me,
He said,
Heaven is the happiest place on earth,
Your happiest place on earth.
The place where you want to be.

So I sat under a tree,
And let my thoughts run free,
I was thinking about heaven,
And what it would be for me.

Heaven was the first day I met you,
Our first conversation,
When my heart skipped a beat,
And my palm sweated profusely.

Heaven was sitting with you,
Having a meal,
Watching your every move in slow motion,
Getting lost in your eyes as always.

Heaven was what I thought we could be,
Together,
Because we never were,
I never held your hand on earth.

In heaven,
We shared a thousand kisses,
Lived to be a hundred,
Spent every day overlooking the golden sunset.

In heaven,
We shared a sip of some iced tea,
Walked along the shores of a beach,
Made sweet love in the home we built together.

In heaven,
Our conversations took more depth,
My love for you learned new levels,
Levels unbeknownst to men below.

In my heaven,
Our children and children's children ran around us,
Playing in the garden,
Without a care in the world.

And in my heaven,
We went to the back of the school everyday,
Danced to the music of the winds,
Stared into each others eyes,
Until the morrow creeped over us.

Ahh heaven,
What I would give to be with you,
But alas my life on earth is not lived yet,
There is so much more for me to do,
SO Much more for me to feel.

So my heaven,
My love,
Wait for me,
For I will join thee soon
And become one at last.

-051602-

I'd like to think,
That,
From the moment I met you,
I fell inlove with you.

But reality is,
I didn't.

I fell in love with you,
When we couldn't stop texting.

I fell in love with you,
When we spoke for hours on the phone.

I fell in love with you,
When the sight of you
made my heart jump and my palms sweat,
Like it does this very day.

I fell in love with you,
When I started acting all cool and awkward
so I wouldn't make a fool of myself
In front of you.

I fell in love with you,
When you laughed at my jokes
and smiled at me.

I fell in love with you,
When you listened to me complaint
about everything under the sun.

I fell in love with you,
When you put your hand on my shoulder
and told me it would be okey.

I fell in love with you,
As we said goodbye for the first time.

I fell in love with you,
When you rejoiced everytime I came home.

I fell in love with you,
As we fell asleep in movies.

I fell in love with you,
Through the times you loved others.

I fell in love with you,
On the day you told me
you loved me.

I fell in love with you,
As "I Do's" rolled away from our tongues
and we shared out first kiss.

I fell in love with you,
Holding our babies
watching them grow up.

I fell in love with you,
As you hold my hand,
And breathe your last.

So I guess,
It suffices to say,
I fell in love with you,
When I first met you,
And we smiled at each other.

Gunshots of realization,
****** clothes that once bore meaning strewn everywhere,
Dirt on the subconscious,
Bullet casings on your consciousness,
Sweat drips onto reality,
Facts are blasted from tanks,
Feelings pour down like rain on the battlefield,
The air tense and hot,
It is dry and *****,
The war wages on,
In your mind.