My mind is blurred, days feel like weeks, weeks feel like years, years seem like centuries, i dont know truths from lies, yes from no, me from some other stupid mistake making fool, i dont know what being in love is anymore, but i do know i want my life to be happy and to know what love is instead of heart break and pain. but as it sits now its nothing but a dream ill never get. Once i get that my mind will be a blur so heres to hope that one day it will be blur free. and heres to hope. happy st patricks day to all and happy early birthday to my self even though it wont be a happy one. it never has been sense i was a kid.

I was told just a bit ago that the woman i love with all my heart said she thinks she loves me and wants to be my wife and wants to start a family with me. she wants to stay single to get her mind clear and i will respect that because i could never imagine my life with anyone else but her. shes the first thing on my mind when i wake she never out of my thoughts ever shes always in my dreams and shes in my nightmares where i loose her and never get her back and then i die alone because if i dont have her i want noone then i wake up and its all a bad dream. all i ever want is her in my life forever. i know in the past i messed up bad but noones perfect and if i ever do get her back and we do work things out i will prove to her that i was the young guy who made mistakes and from them i have become the man who learned the hard way and am willing to do any and everything to prove to her ive changed and will be the man i should have been to her before. (To her) if you ever read this and you will i want you to know i love you and want to be the man i should have been the year we were together and if you can ever find it in your beautiful heart to forgive me for being a blind fool i do love you i do want you to be my wife and i do want you to be the beautiful wonderfull one of a kind mother of our hope to be children. i really do love you. you are my soul mate, my other half, my peace, my one of a kind, beautiful, ****, georgious gift that i so blindly pushed away. please forgive me and hopefully one day i will get down on one knee in a crowded place and and when i ask for your hand in marrage you will say yes and when that day comes i will hold you and never ever ever let you go or repeat my mistakes or make new ones.

Ive given everything up to make everyone happy hoping i would eventually be happy but it seems as though god likes ******* with me. the woman i love moved while i was at work. i dont know if she even loves me like she says she does. i havent wanted anyone else but her. i tried to get her off my mind but i cant. i feel it in my heart that shes my soul mate, my better half, my everything but no matter what i do i just mess everything up and make  her hate me more. maybe gods plan for me was eternal damnnation and eternial lonelyness. maybe his plan was for me **** my self. i dont want anyone but her i never truely clicked with anyone but her. hell if i had to sacrifice my own life for her id do it in the bling of an eye or better yet faster than sound or light. i would do anything for her no matter the cost. but god has a sick twisted mind and every time im finally happy it gets ripped away from me. i have just about had enough of this ****** torture i want to just say ***** it and end it once and for all.

I love her and want no one but her but i came home from work and her stuffs gone along with her. i am just goin to give up. i moved back home cause she said we need to fix our stuff.  So i did and i have done everything for her to show her ive changed but i think shes just done. so be it i will be alone untill she realizes that im the best choice for her cause no one else loves her as much as i do. Just put me out of my pain and suffering im done living torture everyday. either someone end it or help me get her back because i really dont want anyone else ever.

I love her but she wants to video "him" i dont know what hes told her or what they have done or talked about. im doing everything to get her love and trust back. she says i have the giggest part of her heart but she still talks to him. it hurts me to see her do anything with him. I hurt her and i regret it amd she was going to go suicidle amd i tried to talk to her to get her back to tthe way she was but she pushed me away from it and he "saved her" i tried and she doesnt see it but it runs through my mind that i have tje biggest part of her heart yet she doesnt want me back (not yet anyway) i just hope that shes going to come back to me soon. if not then **** me i cant imagine life without her in it. i just wish she would get some sense and just ditch him for good hes no good for her and we all try to tell her but she doesnt listen. i hope all she wants is to be friends with him and thats it cause if her heart mostly belongs to me he shouldnt even matter that much. so if she doesnt accept my appoligies and doesnt get back with me just end me cause i be in hell and torment till the day i die all alone.

When will this real life nightmare end? I think id rather be put through chinese water torture. atleast id never break under pressure. but as long as we r judt friends its going to be hell. i dont think this migrane filled nightmare will ever end untill i geet her backk in my arms forever and finally call her mine again.

My minds going so fast im suprised i havent crashed yet. the girl i love hasnt given me the ok to have her back but i feel she will soon. shes moved back in and we have all started to forgive her. ive already forgiven her and im **** everything as a friend that a man in love would do. ill do everything right this time down to the feet rubs. ill get over any and all fears i have for her. ill crush mountains and move continents for her. i just want to hold her and never let her go again.