I wonder if you play the guitar.
I wonder if you can sing.
I wonder if you write long captions in your photos,
or maybe if you even write poetry.

But you know how they say that love is blind?
I realized that love can be tone deaf too.

And you are the rockstar to my heart.
And only you know my favourite tunes.

to the Boy who
is the One responsible
for the Affection that
I feel Towards.

I am now clinically insane.
Or in much kinder words, lovestruck.

You are my serotonin.
My current favourite drug.

The sense of smell is a very powerful sense.
It can take you back to a certain time, place, and even person.

The scent that I grew up with was Elizabeth Arden Red Door.
I remember it smelling so posh, and sophisticated,
even the bottle looked expensive with the red cap and the gold liquid,
and it was the first thing I would smell in the morning.

The scent I grew accustomed to was Johnson and Johnson Peach Bath,
or any peach scented shower gel.
I remember it smelling so warm and clean,
and it was the first thing I would smell after a nice shower.

The scent that I later grew fond of was Vanilla from The Body Shop,
the whole range from shower gel to body lotion.
I remember it smelling so warm and delicious,
and it was the last thing I would smell before going to bed.

But among my favourite scent that I will forever cherish,
is the smell of your home baked brownies that is made with pure love.
It smells so inviting and welcoming,
and it is the first smell that reminds me of home.

I am your mamak kinda girl,
roti telur, roti planta,
banjir, sambal lebih.

I am your HS Cafe kinda girl,
nasi putih makan,
ayam goreng, kuah campur,
sayur, kentang,
nescafe ais bungkus.

I am your warong kinda girl,
nasi goreng kampung,
telur goyang.

I am your Kelisa manual kinda girl,
anything that moves is fine,
as long as we get there in one piece is good.

But I am also your, "how are you?" kinda girl,
where I expect you to tell me stories,
share insights,
and discuss your day.

I am also your, "random question..." kinda girl,
where I expect thoughts and opinions,
discussions and deep conversations.

I am also your, "tahu tak..." kinda girl,
where I want to tell you my thoughts and opinions,
for us to discuss further in our deeper conversations.

Because I am more than just "that kinda girl".

I am more than an introduction,
or rising action,
I am the ****** to your tale and
I expect a falling action,
which eventually leads to our resolution.

I am a simple girl with simple satisfactions,
but I only have one motivation,
I cannot tolerate mediocrity when it comes to ideas and solutions.

I expect love, power, and compassion,
because it is with you that I expect my conclusion,
which will eventually lead to our next destination,
a new exposition.

They say it's not a "goodbye" but a "see you later",
Because a "goodbye" is to bid farewell,
But a "see you later" means you will see each other sooner.

I have no problems with a "goodbye",
Because I see them for a chance for me to go on new adventures.
I also don't have a problem with a "see you later",
Because I see them as a chance for us to talk and catch up and have a little chatter.

But I don't like it when people say things when they don't mean,
Make promises they can't keep,
Build relationships they can't hold,
And share secrets they can't keep it to their own.

I guess that's why we don't say "hi" or "hello",
Or "goodbye" or "see you soon",
We say Assalamualaikum,
Peace be upon you,
And reply with a Waalaikumussalam,
And peace be upon you too.

We don't bid farewell,
We don't make plans to see,
We just pray for peace upon each other's lives,
And hope that our paths will meet.

So I knocked knocked knocked on heaven's door,
Only to be answered by God Himself and asked, "what do you want Little Nur?"

I told Him, "I'm tired of waiting for your plans for me, I just need some closure".

He calmly replies, "inna maal 'usri yusra".

You can't pass down your imaan,
Like the way you pass down your old clothes.
People have different levels of imaan,
They need to practice religion on their own.

You can't pass down the deeds you have done,
To compensate the sins they have committed.
People need to learn from their mistakes and become their own person.

You can't pass down all the knowledge you have studied,
And expect them to learn and practice in an instant.
People need to be willing to open and listen and accept changes and different opinions.

You can however pray that they open their hearts and become a better person.
Always remember to raise your hands in supplication,
To the One who will listen,
Of your doubts and worries, your plans and missions, your hopes and dreams, even your biggest accomplishments.

Because we may not have absolute power to make every good thing to magically happen,
The power of du'a is all we have,
But it is a mu'mins greatest weapon.

Remember in school, we would literally count the seconds till the class is over.
Tick tock, tick tock, while the teacher lectures.
And after class, you go home, thinking,
"Man, that was class was so long!"

Only to wonder, a few years later,
How you have progressed in your respective careers,
How fickle is the weather,
And how people have changed for the better.

I felt as though it was only yesterday I spent my last Ramadhan on campus,
Going to class, listening to lectures,
Planning iftars, and picking masjids for our prayers.

But I guess it's high time for bigger and better adventures.

Knowledge is power, knowledge is light,
Knowledge is for the fearless,
It is not for the faint at heart.

Ignorance is bliss,
but never when it comes to our religion.
How can you say this is the City of Destruction,
when you refuse to see the majesty of His creation.
How can you say this life is Hell,
when all you do is dwell,
on you life, on your sins,
on your mistakes, and past misdoings.

He is powerful, He is kind.
He is forgiving, and with His light,
you will never be blind.

Seek His help, seek His guidance,
Don't ever give up, and never be in despair.
Face every difficulty with patience.
Verily with every hardship comes ease.
Only then will you savour the sweetness of the Heavens.

The world is your oyster,
I hope you find someone better.

The world is your treasure,
I hope you find her.

The world is full of gold,
I hope you two grow old.

The world is full of life,
But it was never meant for you and I.

I have doubts,
I have insecurities,
I have problems.

I have feelings,
I have emotions,
I have love.

I have a heart,
I have a brain,
I have a life.

But most of all,
I have God.

And that makes me most human after all.

No one is perfect,
We all know how well that's true.

We're all broken people,
With innocence scarred,
And heart bruised.

But to be perfectly honest,
That's what I like most about you.

Your bruises are reminders of the trivials you had to go through,
Your scars are evidence of the challenges you did not withdrew.

Because at the end of the day,
The world is your oyster to pursue,
Your skin is a blank canvas waiting to be blue,
And your life is another story waiting to be heard soon.

Every master was once a disaster,
Every champion was once a player,
Every expert was once a beginner,
Every writer began with a pen and paper.

But with every poet,
it started beyond letters, words, and sentence structure.
Every poet was once a dreamer.

Writing lines and lines to their heart's desire.
Filling pages and pages of books about the world around him or her.
Telling stories about love, hate, and sometimes even power.
Because poets need not only write about a lover,
Sometimes they wish to empower and be a mover and shaker.

Poets wish to change lives, turn hearts, and nourish minds,
and mostly to make the world better.
Poets wish to write knowing that they have somehow made a difference in this world,
and let their words be their witness in the Hereafter.

When I think of your name,
I think of the word "safe".
Because that's how I feel about you.
You are safe.

Safe for me to be with,
Safe for me to confide in,
Safe for me to tell all my deepest darkest secrets to.

Coincidentally, that's the number of letters in your name.
But so is the word "risk".
But you are one risk I am willing to take.
You are the one risk that makes me feel safe.

I will forever be in love with the places I've never been,
And people I've never met.

I crave the foods I have never eaten,
And the music I've never danced.

I want to climb the highest mountains,
And swim the deepest oceans.

I am passionate about the books I've never heard,
And the languages I've never listened.

There is so much to be accomplished in this world,
There is so much yet to be done.

Just give me a pen and paper,
I promise to share my adventures with everyone.

They say that a smile is benevolence.
A smile can brighten a person's day.

Your smile, however,
is like the sun.

It chases the clouds away.

Like the warmth of the sun,
Is your smile.

Like the cold gust of wind,
You give me chills.

Like the loud clap of thunder,
You make my heart skip a beat.

Like the wild tornado,
You keep twirling in my mind.

Like the rainbow,
You colour my life,
You are that *** of gold.

Because these feelings for you,
Is a force of nature.

Ramadhan is the month of love,
And it is the month of mercy,
It is also the month of hunger and thirst
Because you always need to think of the needy.

But hunger and thirst is not just meant to be fulfilled by food and water,
It is to be filled by the solat and Quran,
So you can truly feel His power.

Only then will you realize,
Food and drinks only fulfills your body to the bones,
But it does nothing much to the soul.

So let's make more time for prayer,
And more time for recitation,
Bow our heads in humility,
And raise our hands in supplication.

Sometimes I wonder if we've met before.

If our paths ever crossed,
If our eyes have ever landed on each other,
Or perhaps if we've ever been to the same grocery store.

If I have somehow made an impression on you prior to our first meeting.

I guess we'll never know.

But I've realized that what's important is that you are here,
now.

Can we have dinner somewhere quite,
just you and me?

Maybe on a cruise,
near a river,
by the sea?

Somewhere under the stars,
somewhere warm and cold,
somewhere we can be free,
somewhere I can be me,
somewhere where the chills come from being with you,
and the summer breeze.

Everyone that you think you know so well,
Is always keeping one secret so private that even they don't realize to be true.

You see someone so strong,
But never know the demons they had to fight.

You see someone so brave,
But never realize their inner demons they keep out of sight.

You see someone so confident,
But never notice the insecurities they think about at night.

You see someone so bold,
But never ask why they always seem to write.

Everyone that you think you know so well,
Is always trying to be their best self and to prove that they are alright.

Because that's what they are behind that mask and shiny coat of armour,
They are strong, brave, confident, and bold,
They are their own knight.

I know you like the back of my hand.
With you, I know exactly who I am.

It is without you, that I am lost.
I don't know who to be among other thorns.

Ours is a very complicated story,
you and me.

But it is my favourite story,
for all eternity.

They always tell you,

In whatever that you do,
Whatever that you pursue,
Wherever your dreams take you,
Always remember to bow your head in sujood.

No matter how much you make,
Whatever is at stake,
Regardless of your state,
Always remember the less fortunate.

Doesn't matter who you meet,
Or how you were greet,
Or in what way you were treat,
Always remember to show them your teeth.

At the end of the day,
He is the one who paves your ways,
Plans your trades,
And blooms those darling buds of May.

If loving you is a sin,
I hope God forgives me.

If loving you is a mistake,
At least I'll learn something from it.

If loving you is a mystery,
I think I've found the missing piece.

But no,

Loving you made me happy.
Loving you made me smile.
Loving you drives poetry out of me.
Loving you, made me love me.

I looked out the window,
And decided to count the stars.

As I stared blankly into the view,
All I could think of was you.

I told myself,
what a waste to count to infinity,
But I would give everything for you to be next to me.

My heart is ripped, and shattered, and broken,
into pieces of millions, and two.

So hard to fix,
it can't just be mended with glue.

I guess I have to forget about the past,
forget about you.

There are plenty of other fish in the sea,
and I'll just wait for time to heal all wounds.

Faith is challenge,
It shakes everything you thought you knew in this world,
To make you fulfill for a life in the Hereafter.

Faith is power,
It questions all the knowledge that you have,
To make you realize all the plans you pursued were never in your vigour.

Faith is strength,
It moves you so much with its trials and tests,
To make you become a person with honour.

Faith is grace,
It touches your heart in such trivial of ways,
To make you believe in His order.

Faith is love,
It grows in all of us day by day,
To make us believe that nothing is without our Creator.

Her eyes are windows to her soul,
Where she stores her dreams as long as the rivers flow,
As high as the clouds can form,
And as far and vast as the stars can glow.

Her heart is where she started it all,
Where she stores her passion at the centre of her core,
Where her passion for life started to draw,
Her love and passion is so big it can cause thunder, storms, floods, and even more,
But you know she isn't ever going to stop.

Her mind is equally filled with much imagination and know-how,
You would wonder when does she sleep with so much knowledge of the world,
But you will soon realize that she isn't the girl that you greet with a simple "hello",
Because she is the type of girl with a lot of places to go.

Like the time that ticks,
you slip.

Like water though my fingers,
Like sand in my hands.

Like from the very beginning,
where you,
were never mine.

Can I count on you to stay?
To always be there?
To have your arms greet me when I come back?
To never give up on me?
To calm me when I am a tornado?

Can I count on you to come find me when I am lost?

The pen is mightier than the sword, they say.
Instilling hope, unveiling a curse, she said.
But I am that piece of paper that holds all evidence.
Was once blank space, a clean slate.

Your pen was the one who has shaped
Me as I am today.
I hold your secrets, your love, even in your dismay.

I was once smooth and plain,
But now crumpled, and ruined,
Marked all over with your stains.

But who is to say that everything that was written
Was ever all that bad?
I can hold the key to someone’s success,
I can cheer someone who was sad,
And keep distances close even when they are apart.
A pen and paper is a lovely couple,
It is a wonderful combination for a wonderful birth.
But the two come hand in hand,
You cannot leave one without the other.

Hence, a gift of a pen is a satisfying idea,
But the gift of paper must follow suit.
What is a pen without its pulp,
To record any secret, ideas,
And even to instill hope.

My poetry is all I have.
I tear down my walls,
I bare my heart,
I speak my soul.

And you drive poetry out of me.
You hit the beat,
You move the rhythm,
You inspire the lyrics.

Now you know why I'm afraid to lose you.
I fear I'd lose my poetry too.

Our love was based on fiction,
it was just part of my imagination,
all the things that we had,
was just merely an illusion.

We barely talk,
you barely say hello,
I guess it's high time, I learn to let go.

They say good things come to those who wait.

I guess I'll just wait forever.
For someone better.
If I ever.

Like a sailor lost at sea,
Like an optimist chasing her dreams.

Like a dreamer staring at the stars,
Like a warrior counting her scars.

Like an author plotting stories,
Like a poet writing poetry.

Always searching and wandering,
Looking for that one person or thing,
To never let her stop hoping.

In the middle of a crowded place,
I see a familiar face.

In the midst of all the chaos,
you block out all the noise.

In a place that is full of life,
the world is just between you and I.

Among the things that I hope,
is for time to actually stop.

Because of all the things that I want,
is to fall in nothing but your arms.

There is just something about you.

I feel like a moth to a flame.
A deer in headlights.
Like opposite ends of magnets.

I just get pulled in.

I can't help that I like you.
I just do.

I can't stop this feeling from coming through and through.

I just hope that someday,
Somehow,
You feel the same way too.

I'll never do familiar things the same again.

I hear old songs as if they are new,
I play the same song on repeat as they are my favourite tunes,
I look at the sky with an extra blue,
I feel like even small buds are starting to bloom.

And the stars.
Oh, the stars!

The sparkle,
The twinkle,
The tiny speck of light,
All of which leads me back to you.

Lost in a city,
A city I've never been before.
With no familiar faces,
I don't even know where to go.

I don't speak the language,
I don't know what to say,
But then you came along,
And you showed me the way.

Like ducks and chickens,
We have random conversations.
Using our hands and faces,
To convey our intentions.

But as long as you're here,
And as long as you're my guide,
I will forever be lost in the eyes of that boy from Hatyai.

I am definitely in love with a stranger.
He's physically there, yet, not.
You see his face, but his eyes seem lost.
You feel the connection, but it's always on loose ends.

It's like a game of tug of war,
Of contant pulling and tugging,
but with no exact winner.

And when someone does win,
the other person falls.
The other person always does.

You know how a certain scent can bring you back to a certain memory?
I guess that's why people wear the same perfume.
They want to constanttly be reminded of that time, place, and maybe even person.

But I can't do that.

I can't continue living in that past when I know that it will never be in my future.

And that also explains why I change my perfume every so often.

To love is to commit.
To love is also to get closer
To the Creator.
Everything that you do is for His sake,
So you may be rewarded abundantly in the Hereafter.

But to love yourself is an even bigger commitment.

To love yourself means to understand your imperfections,
But always find ways to get better.
To love yourself means to admit your faults,
But always improve for the greater.
To love yourself means to accept your weakness,
But always learn to become stronger.

Because to love yourself means to understand that nothing happens without His permission,
And that we will eventually return to our Maker.
Because to love yourself means to learn to forgive yourself,
And seek forgiveness from the All Listener.

I have so many things to ask you.
There's a millions things that I want to know.
So many answers that I wish to seek,
But I guess I'm just not ready to ask you now.

I want to know what's your favourite colour,
I want to know what's your lucky number,
I want to know what's your favourite food,
I want to know what makes you dance like a fool.

I want to know what makes you laugh,
I want to know what makes you smile,
I want to know the things that make you happy all the time.

Because if you asked me those questions,
My answer would be,
"the person right in front of me".

I don't know how I fell,
or even how deep,
I just know that I did.

Someone as golden as you,
deserves the sun and moon.

Someone as golden as you,
deserves the sky to always be blue.

Someone as golden as you,
deserves to be engilded with rays of sunshine that flowers wait to bloom.

Because someone as golden as you,
brings out everything in me too.

I can't really pin point exactly where I get the inspiration for my poems.

Sometimes when I am with friends in a crowded place,
Sometimes when I am alone in an empty space,
Sometimes even when I am swamped with work and reaching their due dates.

But I never thought that I would be writing about you even before we met.
Because sometimes, maybe it is all just up to fate.

We are all broken souls,
Finding light to fill our void.

We are all broken hearts,
Finding love to fill our lives.

We are all broken bones,
Finding time to heal our wounds.

We are nothing but broken people,
Left stitched, scarred, and bruised.
We are always finding ways to find ourselves,
Which eventually leads us back to You.

With this ever growing trend of attempting to look young,
to find the elixir of youth,
to not look a year older,
I have learned to accept that,
age is inevitable.

But oddly enough,
it is what I want.
Because as the numbers in my age add,
so does the wisdom in my years.

From the fine lines in my eyes,
I have seen you bloom from a little bud,
to a beautiful flower,
that has added so much colour and warmth to my life.

From the lines at the corners of my mouth,
I have smiled at every single moment of you spent next to me,
and at all the moments that we have laughed together,
that I will remember for more years to come.

From the wrinkles on my hands,
I have remembered every single gentle tug and grip,
and when our fingers intertwined,
and the touch you bring.

I don't want to look a day younger if it means to spend it alone,
I want to look my age,
with you by my side being my biggest support,
and together we will look old.