I try to keep my secret
So hidden
So well concealed from view
With every day
The weight on my shoulder increases exponentially
Why must I hide?
Why am I afraid of what people will do?
What people will say?
What people will think?
How they will treat me
Why does it matter?
Why do I make myself feel as though what they say means anything to me?
As my strength, confidence, and fearlessness decrease
Degree by degree
My wall starts to rebuild itself
Brick by brick
With every tear
The cement hardens
Why can’t I find the joy that everyone else feels
What is wrong with me?
The face I put on to protect myself
Why does it have to fade when I leave their presence?
This disease weighs me down
Heavy on my heart
Devastating to my soul
This can’t be healthy
I can’t live like this anymore
But I can’t die like this either
I’m at a turning point in my life
I know which road to take
My better judgment is being tested
I can’t hurt the ones I love
Why can’t this type of end be a new beginning?
Why is one end irreparable?
The other road doesn’t come to an end
Not for a long time
I know where I have to go
This choice weighs heavily on my heart
My internal compass is failing
Will I be able to find my way?
Will the shattered pieces of my heart be able to help me?
Only time will tell
Time I hope I have
It depends on how well my heart has been mended
I hope it will be able to support the pressure
That is weighing heavily on my heart

I hide behind the thickest skin
Must it be this way?
The pain I feel
There is no light at the end of my tunnel
Only darkness
A darkness that is as indestructible as my shield
Fear consumes me
What lurks in the shadows deep within my soul?
Is it not for me to know?
Will I ever find the answer?
My life is slipping away
I must make a choice
Unfortunately
My choice will always be wrong
So who will guide me?
Who will lend me their light?
What path should I take?
I need someone to wipe the tears from my cheek
To love my tattered self
To care for my shattered soul
My needs are too great
My heart too broken
Too lost in the darkness
Forever gone
Helpless

I may not show it
That does not mean that I don’t care
You can’t treat me like I don’t mean anything
I have more of a soul than you will ever have
Even though it is stained with the tears
Of one thousand and one nights
But I have finally realized
That it doesn’t matter what you say
It doesn’t matter what you do
Because you don’t matter
You are just one out of billions
You will no longer consume my every thought
Every beat of my tattered heart will no longer sing your name
I will no longer breathe your curse
Because I have the strength of a thousand men
And I have finally realized
I am strong enough to get over you

Are you a scientist?
Then why are you placing me on a slide?
Who gave you permission to judge every aspect of me?
Every strand of my thick hair
Every scar on my leg
Every less than perfect nail
My flawed complexion
I do my best to please you
But my best is never good enough for you
Because your definition of perfection
Is only achievable for the gods
You think that you are royalty
But you are only royally despised
Get away from me with those critical eyes
My life is too precious to be wasted under your microscope

The pain
My pain
The pain you cause
The tears you force down my cheek
You can’t
You don’t
You choose not to try to understand me
No effort
It feels as though you laugh at my pain
My suffering
My loss
You are sick
What you are
It is not normal
You stress
You anger
You frighten
You intimidate everyone around you
You belittle everyone else’s problems
How dare you
How dare you yell at me?
How dare you look me in the eyes?
After you yell at everyone I love
After you make my loves feel unimportant
After you make my future seem unachievable
After you treat me like crap
What did I do to deserve you?
You monster
You demon
You deserve to go to the lowest level of hell
My dream is to escape from your deadly grasp
I so wish that I were able to fly away from your dungeon
I am embarrassed to live in the same house as you
To live on the same street
The same town
The same state
The same country
To call you my father
That is why I refuse to let anyone see my last name online
I would never keep my maiden name
You disgust me
Your face is the face of my nightmares
I flinch when you come my way while angry
I feel as though you will slap me
You laugh at all my fears
You make me feel as though I am a microscopic speck of dust floating in the atmosphere
How come you feel superior to everyone else?
That no one has had it as tough as you
What a load of crap
You have it easy
So easy
Too easy
You have no idea how hard others have it
You are privileged
You have so much
You don’t deserve half of it
Even though you may try to defeat me
You wont win
I will not give up so easily
I will overcome this suffering and hell that you have put me through for all these years
But I will thank you for one thing
Thank you for showing me exactly what I don’t want to do with my life
So congratulations
You have failed to create the monster that was expected to come from you
Instead, you have made me
Someone who will finally stand up to you
I will not be brainwashed to think that what you are is okay
Because I am too smart to think that anything that you do is okay
It is cruel and I will no longer be your prisoner
So thank you for being the role model I never needed
I would have been much better off if I hadn’t had to take your crap
No human being deserves this
And I definitely don’t deserve you