Poking fun makes me feel better
Laughing about your personality
And your stupid hair and unfitting sunglasses
I never thought I’d resort to this.
I spent the day away and still thought of you.
Never escaping from my brain –
Memories locked up with an iron key

Wanting to be together again
Toes touching toes, knees knocking,
Hands on waists and knotted in hair,
Squished together to transfer warmth and comforting smiles.

I just really, really miss you.
It’s been two weeks.
It’s been five weeks.
I had trouble coping then but maybe
Just maybe
I’m starting to finally feel freed
On the other hand I’m feeling
More of an outcast than ever before

As if I have no one
Lacking human company is really
Starting to wear on my sanity.

“I’m just so tired lately”
I like being alone, but I don’t like feeling lonely
As of late, it’s all I feel
Lonely, disappointed, sad, angry
Morose, excited!, aching, lonely
Even the word itself feels like the emotion it describes

This has been one time too many
I never see you anymore, but that
Just doesn’t seem to bother you
Always spending time together
I can’t even bear to be with you two
All I feel then
Is lonely.

It’s just become part of my personality
Within the last month
All these events arise and lead to my own desecration

My heart conflicts with my head
I crave your scratchy not-quite-5 stubble
But I also try to forget
All the time it’s just taken up by
Forgetting remembering
And feeling lonely.

It blows my mind that you stayed
I thought you were going to leave
Just like last time
I sat, enjoying my night
Until I noticed

You were holding her hand.
You never held my hand.

Two shadows walking under street lamps
So easy to miss, so hard to ignore
The image is burned on the back of my eyelids
Reflecting even in the safe haven
Of my own darkness

Honestly, you have the best timing
Right when I thought I was getting better
I’ve relapsed
And my thoughts have been consumed
With those mocking blue eyes and
Jutting jaw and
Snooty personality

All of your worst qualities
Are those I remember and yet
Those are which I cannot stand
I’ve found someone better, honestly

And he’s just like you

Only improved –
No snotty remarks, no sarcastic “Fantastic”
No rants on the philosophy of our existence
Or short stories with only a beginning

This itself is a beginning
And I intend for it to be
One that makes me finally happy

i thought i was okay
fresh waves of dislike wash over me
as does rain plummeting towards gravity

must you ruin my happiness?

all i want is to cut those final ties
though, knowing myself,
they will always dominate over
my hold on sanity

why can you move on but i cant?
ive tried diversion, ive tried disregarding
my rapid heartbeat when i accidentally
venture near your vicinity

how come this always happens?
focus focus focus
comparing his kisses to yours
no no no
his sleeping habits to your tossing and turning
stop stop stop
its honestly involuntary
reminders reminders reminders

im trying to gain an allergy to you.

For once I feel illuminated, liberated, iridescent.

I sense my low, dejected spirits have
Finally succumbed to the jocular nature
Which resides in my psyche.

Hateful sentiments float away
As black bubbles of negative memorandum
Of weeks quondam and unremembered.

A release comes through clockwork.

After the initial shock it hurt like hell itself
Picked me up in its spindly, flaming fingers
And flung my wretched subconscious
Through eight staggering blades of betrayal
“Et tu, Brute?”

For weeks I have picked up my shattered gasps
Tears ultimately cease, and I inhale

The crisp October breeze.

“it feels like my heart is pressing against my chest”
palpitations, perhaps?
“your hair looks nice like that”
Thank you, its this way almost every day

Half-hearted compliments?
“He had a really big crush on you”
Are you sure?
“when he heard about your boyfriend he was really upset”
Upset for me, or upset for his selfish persona?
“I think this may have finally broken him”

WHY am I the bad guy here?
Ive done nothing wrong but be
A caring friend, a helping hand,
a support cane when I was needed
and what do I get?
“I do not think we should talk anymore”

Sure does show you what friendshit means these days.
Like, excuse me for being a confidant.
Excuse me for not making my feelings clear enough for you.
We were both at fault
But your pretentious, one track-mind is your hamartia
It focuses on philosophy and D&D;
Just remember the girl with the glasses
Who sacrificed sleep through all hours of the night
To ride in a taxi with you

Just
That
Once