I am nonexistent.

My mental health has gone to ****.

Silent tears rolling into quivering lips.

I am trapped in a room with no door no window; a room with abundance of insult and endless self-loathing.

Today's the day I stand up
I'll grow higher than a redwood tree.
Look down and I will see
The others look like ants beneath me.
Today's the day I harden
I'll have the backbone of a rino.
Charge head on into my fears
I'll demolish everyone who stands in front of me.

I am a nice person you are not.
I will catch more flies with sugar.
I will fake it till I make it.
Confidence here I come.

I am always forgotten.
I will always be forgotten.

I don't know why I hate myself so much.
How can I loath the body I was gifted,
Cry over the sincereness of my very own personality.
How can I tear down the height of my happiness,
Look myself in the delusive mirror just to accept it's biting lies.
How can I break this beastly habit?

I need to stop eating again.

I feel disgustingly fat.
I am disgustingly fat.

when I'm writing sometimes i feel like what I'm saying is pointless.
there's so many people in this world.
so I'm sure the measly combination of words i put together has already been said.
so whats the point?
someone else said it first why should i say it again?

I need to start reading again.

Alive i may be
but living i am not.

i have all these feelings in me and i can't figure out how to get them down.
i feel as if i have lost my creative streak
or maybe there just isn't anything for me to write about anymore.
it sure seems like things have gotten sufficiently boring.
teach me how to write again
teach me how to feel again
teach me how to love again
teach me how to be happy again
I'm tired with this content old life i want new
i want excitement

Don't you know I adore you.
I relish in the thought of having you by my side.
No Skinny Love I don't always get it right.
And I'm no pro at showing my affections.
C'mon Skinny Love we are more than just friends.

The light in her eyes catches me by surprise
she looks at me with radiancy
The capacity of my lungs decay
My heart beats resonate
I feel my lips twist up to a smile
I can see the way she is hungry for life
It is excitement she seeks
lust she craves
love she needs.

Come and go
Come and go
I know that people
Come and go.
No on will stay
They have bigger better things to find
They have other lovers to love
They have different mountains to climb
Come and go
That's just fine
Come and go
It's all I know

These are the years I'm supposed to be "finding" myself.
What if I'm not lost?
What if I'm just bat-**** crazy.
Because I think that's what I am.

I'm not quite sure if I was made tough enough for the battles of love.

Passion thief come back to me.
Bring me what's rightfully mine.
Fill my heart with red hot lust.
Cloud my mind with sensual moans of fantasy.
Tingle my skin with promising anticipation.
Rule my emotions by lust.
Passion thief come back to me.
Bring me what's rightfully mine.

"Listen" they say.
But what am I listening to?
Them? How can I trust them.
Myself? Hell no.
My heart? Never pay attention to that fool.
So I'll listen to everything.
Until I hear nothing.

Let's see if i can ride this old bike
if i can get the words to flow freely with just a little push.
Let's see if i can walk this tight rope
if i can find just the right balance to create beauty.
Let's see if i can swim this lake
if i can express the murky recesses of my mind.
Let's see if i can paint this photo
if i can stain your imagination with the color of my heart.