squirrels and opossums and birds of paradise
because im screaming
profanity into the trees
they can hear me scratching my sores
flaking scabs onto the crumbly floor
to integrate myself with the remains
of generations past
they can all hear me
crack the first beer of the morning
and pour it out for my love
no longer here
they can hear me all
repeat myself and pace
atop the pecan shells crunching
but the cap of the bottle spins
whirling around its rings
for a glug
and they all scutter, scamper, and waggle off
only proving my point
a terrible mood to be around

i bet it all on black
the clanging of the pebble
around the separations
its the same story
i lost

long nights and love
all thats left
its not just about the dollar
its about the way
the dollar means that im yours

brother
i cannot spare a dime
this is our way
to feel like love

my eyes are burning or at least
well
what the **** ever they HURT
burning like a blow torch has been lit near
so
i rub with the palm of my hands the nearest lid
with pressure equivalent to the blueness of *****
and
my vision is only more irritated. blinding and distorted
crossing my eyes only to envision the same reality
both
challenged and encompassing within the entire room
welcomed and narrowed into the self i dont yet know

im not tripping
not drunk
high
delirious

i dont want to weep for her
she should earn it
and yet
my eyes
my ******* eyes
are dry

you knew
and now you know
the ways that i loved
did i use PAST TENSE
that wasnt me
it was the cat typing
i wouldnt insult you
brilliant person you
there is no hate here
i bleed for our kind
the two of us
denied
both denied and yearning
there is no abuse that can resolve
no chastisement to
cause me to perjurer
i have nothing for which to lie
about or for or with
open as a book i smile
smirk even
wag your finger my way
shake a fist
stomp me
i dont move
unless given permission

i would know
when my heart sinks
im listening to one of
the six songs that you played
pulling right into the handicap
thanks for the placard
creak open the drivers side
and waft into the carcasses
beetles flown in for late spring
jangle at the door lets me know
im home
phone and off
litter in hand
sirens
not the kindly looking ones
the ones that make you shake
by hands
arms
heart
drive home to hold him
(or her depending on your mood)
but the child...
where are you
not here
as he pukes
and giggles
i dont weep for you
or his continence
for us instead
and the way you bathe
i dont need to talk
now
anymore
this is not about love
and so on
what am i to you
something trivial
dont deny it
what else would curdle my veins
love?
or this nom de plume
the response to it?

no
its how i cant be with you
its how you deny what i offer
its what i offer to all the people
     that can read
when can i expect all you offer
how soon can i cease my own denial
very soon
i hope
pick me up
carry me to the threshold
so that i might carry you
right the **** back in
i beg

It clawed me first
Dangling the honest red loop
That loop from the shirt
That one they tore
That one I cried over
That lover that shamed me
A patient of mine
losing. blood with with
no single transfusion
and you bite your nails
And I listen
Click
Click
Click
Take me to where the leafs are
I need to leave our pizza
And yours
Hold my hand my van Pelt
Don't leave me
Weep and dry your eyes
On my new necklace
Kiss me and share my salt

Why scratch?
I wanted to pet you
Superficially of course
But is that ******?

i thought this was it
this one is the one
that was my mantra
but happiness seems to preclude
ignoring
this that and the other
and love
love??!
tell me thats not another shade
of pure blindness
yearning seems quaint compared to this
but it still has to be something
lets invent a new word
something that screams like my heart
something that cries and rolls around
something that jumps on the bed
and laughs
and warms my bare feet
im open to suggestions