i just wanted to dance
so close to the stage
that the dj could spit
right in my ******* eye
shaking it
so loose and hard
that people would talk about
that guy at the show
i wanted to make friends
that would remember my name
when i bumped into them
broad daylight
middle of 6th
"ALLEN!!!"
i wanted my girlfriends hands
around my hips
kissing my neck
and screaming
WOOOOOOOOOO

but really

i would have settled
i would have settled for
something quiet
i could cross my legs
sip a coffee
puff a cigarette
and listen intently to
some jangley classical guitarist
or a professional washboard player
or anything other than what i had to hear
it wasnt music

instead
instead of any of it
i trod the streets
behind my party
alone more or less
feet bleeding in search
of the elusive "show"
i never danced
i stood or sat
slumped
wondering where she was
skin crawling for a kiss

thanks for dropping me off mom

i witnessed a yoga class
at south by
push ups
downward dog and happy baby
**** cheeks
whispers
watch me
watch me name things
this
that
and the other lover
oh
thats me too
im two terrible people at once
pages run
too thin
though i have enough
blood to supply
those that remain

who needs blood when
innards spew plentifully
who needs a pen
when a finger will suffice
why paper when a bar window
begs for my inscription

look

downward ******* dog man
easy in
vocal out
its really not that hard
you just need to work on your balance

if i held a shaky cam
one that looks like me
and staggers and wavers
focuses on where i
would point my eye
i would shake in your direction
i would capture you roiling over
direct from slumber and smiling
blinking at me as you
awake from deep sleep
and smiling
then at night in my bed
slapping the expensive camera
and dark
then bare light
you staring away
and dark
and then in tears
i didnt know that it was possible
to shave legs with such imbalance
and eyes
and tears
and anger
dance
play
cry
pose
if you dont smoke on your back
become desperate
***** upon the place
that you made me love you
my portrait wont be complete

i love you
be still

i considered it a sneeze
more of a natural expulsion
of that which contaminates the spaces
between our mustaches and our medulla

no
something ejected and the room paused
most placed aside their drink
snuffed their cigarette
to see if you would pass away
smooth

chuckled
thats what you did after
and we breathed a sigh of relief
some glad that you hadnt seized up
others glad they didnt have to leave yet

either way
thanks

i wont buy you a triple meat again

twelve and im still standing
24 too
were lost
lost in solid black
find me bellied up
ive been taking time to describe
in shapes what our space is
doodle your visage twice
right on the back of the coaster
napkin too
arm
face of the bartender
im no longer afraid of those
who espouse depth and hooves
darkness
surely if we are between the attraction of love
then our souls touch
so close that they fuse
and i can pour you from within myself
into a cup which both bites and charms

you run from through my veins
the people that i meet like you disappoint
they tell me youre nice
but i should hate you
no repair necessary
gulp
downbeat

you* : its just not the case that i see you more than the regulars at "that place"
me : i never see you

you : you need me to see your home
me : you never saw mine

you : im taking this  art. oh and this work. ...next time
me : only because you know im going to toss it.

you : come here.
now.
whats so terrible about that corner bar?
i hope you learned something while you visited.
i would imagine that next time you would keep your work.
me : i
love
you

that pig
pink and swollen
slots in its back
chastises me for my contribution
or lack there of
decorated with an enamel
floral and embossed
shaken and silent

im poor
and so are you if you didnt know
well we all are
i had this terrific idea yesterday
i dont remember it all now

but

it had something to do with holding hands
yours are slightly moist
and mine dry

i forgive you