i was going to write something
poetic and witty
then realized i was neither

Did I **** my kids
i dont really know
the cops think so
and they follow me
and i die a little every day
i could **** myself
leave a note
saying i didn't **** them
but it wont be heard
paranoid skitzo
thats me
ill say it
let me be
i killed my kids
come and arrest me
i killed them
let it end
my life is so ****** up
id rather be in prison
then living a life where you follow me,  hack my facebook and change my friends..    steal my journals and year books..  make me think im in love when she's getting paid...  **** i hate this life..  arrest me or let me die
i killed my kids.. i killed my kids..  i totally killed my kids...   is that enough for an arrest?

I don't understand free will
I lack insight on freedom to choose
God, are you like a grocery store?
I dont have to buy the outdated steak
its half off....
i will never be forced to purchase two for one
mack and cheese
(down on your knees)
i die if i dont eat
pay at the door
burn in hell fire
if i dont shop at your store?

Pa
Paaaa
Paaa
Passss
Passssssss
PAST
Something that isn't
    Anymore


Had to google it just to see
Past
gone by in time and no longer existing.



Everything I am
No longer exists.  
******* scary

I am chosen
Dont ask me why
Dont ask how
Just screan
Burn for etirnity
Make peace with it now
I saw a light
It was so warm
It filled me with ideas
Made my head swarm
All ways of helping
Bringing man together
Conecting our neighbors
Our people
Our towns
But it was lie
I stoped for a tear
Bought a beer
And now you will all fry
I have something so horrible it could be use to lift our souls into the light
Even those that died before
A motivational speech that could touch the
world
But none would listen
To caught up wanting to lie
There can only be one now to fly
Becasue my friends family and children
Scream
Scream
Scream
Its you or i
My wrath will rain down on earth
Red will the sky and water i dye

Dont take this the wrong way
Its something ill only say
Not think or do
To him her or you
But....  
Maybe these people shoot up public places
And then themselves
Simply because theyve screamed, yelled
Begged for them to hear
But they would not listen
So they go and do something they cant ignore
And when they come rushing in to save the day
Full of questions, tears and ohh yes
Come in with nothing but ears
The last bang is to say *******
You had your chance to listen

how could she leave me
alone, lost and confused
how could her heart empty
from differences in thoughts or views
she belongs to me
and I to her
cuddling by the fire
together we purr
our journey is young
so many memories already
her beauty can only grow
yes, we have really just begun
she may jump a little if i raise a hand
but that will soon go away
I just got a little too angry once
she understood, listens now to what i say
she sees all the good inside of  me
yearns for my gentle caresses
and whispers about the beauty of the queen
she will always be my favorite possession
i really dont like to scream
or to be forced to throw my weight around
so she forgives and forgets quickly
assures me her dedication is sound
its not me or anything i taught
she has some kind of past i dont seem to get
we really do need each other
and its not like her love for me had to be bought
she really cant leave me
cause shes my dog
a thoughtless but precious gift
and way too scared of what would happen
if that back stabbing ***** was to get caught

I make my own truth
Something needs to be true

I do not hear your words or listen enough
Defined by my lack of agreeing with you

Is he frustrated you just don't hear
Which means he isn't as well

Not admitting hers is the one
Reversed is not for sale

Is it to share ideas of madness
Or to prove why you must be right

Did your mother forget to whisper
Before each soft kiss goodnight

Shadows must crumble sweet child
We cannot afford them both to feel

So I make own truth
Because Something needs to be real

She repeats herself another million ******* times.  Stories so twisted that not even when she's sober can she remember her previous line. I tell her it hurts.  She claims she doesn't understand why.  And I believe her for a second this time. Again.  Then I consider where we are, where We are not, due to her restrictions unsaid. I cry. Inside this round, at least so far. She screamed at me last time. From my open door.  Belched several times she wished I would **** myself, but I'm too big a ***** to do it. Said yes I'm last.  Said no im not. Said she loved me, but sharing feeling we must not.  Made love to me, ran home and added a friend.  I made another account, saw her page begin. But I'm blocked from seeing for myself, because her love is exceptionally thin.  Why does she come over? Why does she text me every day? I'm restricted from her house, family, friends, feelings and truth...  ******* dying with pain.  She's coming to my place, screaming forget the past, I've never lied again.

Love is
An intense feeling of deep affection
If only it felt just as good
Weeping underneath your billboards of rejection

Love is
A great interest and pleasure in something
You must love me a lot
Shouting the lies, watching your words sting

Love is
A formula for ending an affectionate letter
I'm still waiting for one
That admits why your busy, and how I'm so much better

Nothing is
not anything; no single thing
That is what I have left
Still I love you and the things you couldn't bring

Their is broken glass on the floor
Broken pictures on the wall
Frames missing glass
Copy's of my kids from before
Theirs blood on my hand
Some sweat and tears
But its not music
That you will find here
Garbage coat's this hell
Memories are in boxes
Off in storage
All that lingers is the smell
Ashes, charred wood and death
They hang out in my drawer
Sometimes I open it
And hope for a final breath
Knock if you will
Peek through a window
give me a call
There is no movement, cause i am finally still

People yelling at kids
god thats ****** up

This sick cycle carousel ride
Life goes around and around
It never stops
But I'm on the wrong side
Everything beautiful circling behind me
While I dwell in the pain I try to hide

Curiosity killed that cat
I've learned from his mistake
I'm alive, lazy, ignorant and fat

Treat others as you would have them treat you
I've stopped believing
Until God decides to start worshiping me too

Rember, pleasure was pains maiden name
he he,  I made that one up
I was thinking about my x girlfriend, the lying cheating ****

You lubricate me
Make me run smooth
Careening through traffic
With nothing to lose
All oiled up
No need for an inspection
Plug in GPS
Destination:  no affection
Ignore the check engine light
Pour in another quart
Traffic is pretty slow
And this one may abort

Slithering above
But gurgling below
Behind evil
Remember me
Between disgust & never

A father a son
A mother or daughter
The love of god
Religious slaughter
Happiness anger
Love and joy
Holding your precious
cold dead boy
Speed and patience
Crack/ *******
numbing ohh numbing
My ****** up brain
Reasons upon reasons
To live or die
Everything's a choice
Except the tears I cry
Is it jealousy
Raising your judging hand
The wraith of god
Raining down on man
Your emptiness
Rage uncontrolled
Lacking one of your own
You steal our souls

Work is such a drag
Not a customer in sight
Getting paid to write a poem
Just doesn't seem right

a child abandoned
so he felt
numerous times under the belt
she screamed once
yelled at him
ever since you dad burned you argued to win
6 months old
a life of burning hell
will more of my family die in fire?
who can tell
but then Life
ohh sweet life
it brings the fire closer
takes my children
and the one never to be my wife
7... a little too younge
4......
**** **** **** it stung
Im so content being alone
work work work
a ******* drone
Im alive today
nobody to jump in and save me
do they look down in disgust?
im so ******* strong their death just wasn't enough.

Hello poetry, I love your jagged mismatched face
Your black and white pages, immune to gender or race
Your wisdom is spoken softly, screamed without concern
You teach with or without students, not a penny to earn
Within your pages I vent, without fear of rejection
I weep softly, at every written connection
I'm glad I found you, stick around awhile
I have to say it,  I really like your style

Time to change my life, thoughts and visions?
Time to change my surroundings, peers and pleasures?
Yes, Its time for a change?
Fighting for each breath and the courage to get out of bed
Fighting each miserable thought that pops into my head
Its getting real old holding onto everything
That nobody knows
Its 4:10 pm..  and I cant even muster the energy
To change out of yesterdays clothes

My brain and my mind are a vendetta
truly my Achilles heel
they lash at my soul fiercely
to take refuge is only to kneel
my cries for help are coarse
a slew of inevitable babbles
for the Armageddon loathes help
turning speech and thought into mindless scrabble
my consciousness was exiled from my brain
to my mind it was abandoned
for the benefactor manipulates with perfection
its victims never at random
if i don't repossess them soon
I'm bound to end up in a bedlam
squawking the misfortunes of my odyssey
I'm a poor helpless ***