I’m hated by the world because I won’t sell my soul.
I’m frowned on by society cuz I’m not very old.
My teachers all look down on me, but I do what I’m told.
Because I am a metalhead, I’m always treated cold.

So what if I’m opinionated?
I’m sure that you are too.
There’s things we won’t agree on,
that much I know is true.
But why are you so ******* me?
Cuz I’m not the same as you?
That’s why I have true happiness,
I am not fazed by you.

(Might add to this later.)

Walk away.
Just go, don't look back.
Nothing here will be the same,
nothing here is how you left it.

You were gone for too long,
things have changed.
I won't bend over backwards,
trying to please you.

Not anymore.

Just walk away.

Today I was killed,
Murdered by the wind,
no longer breathing,
torn from my skin.
As I stood in the field,
Grasping for the clouds,
The wind tore through me,
as I screamed aloud.
No longer hated,
No longer loved,
killed from the winds,
sent from above.
For as I stood there,
I saw your face,
you mocked me, taunted me,
I was bound in place
Death is near,
But I feel no pain,
no longer torn from my love again.
So leave me be,
as I bleed it all out,
just let me lie here,
to create my drought.
Your love is like a killwind,
tearing at my skin,
its so abusing,
and spiteful within.
So I reached for the heavens,
And you let me down,
so now its your turn,
To be lead on and frown.
But today I was saved,
my arms stretched open,
you helped me through it all,
and you never stopped hopin'
You took away my sorrow,
and gave me hope,
to forget all my past,
and help me cope.
I'm not alone,
I was saved today,
he cradled my body,
and carried me away.
Swift through the rain,
and as the bitter wind blew,
you whispered in my ear,
For always; me and you.

I

feel

like

I

break

every

*******

thing

I

touch.

Living in your shadow is worse than hell!
I'm so *******, can you not tell?!
I hide from you everyday,
because I just want you to go away...

I'm sick of my parents talking about you.
I'm sick of all the praise they give you.
I'm so sorry that I can't compare to you,
but I thought parents were supposed to love me too?

Well mom, it's  obvious that you don't care,
I got that from all the times you weren't there.
All the time you spend showing off my brother,
It makes me sick to call you my mother.

Dad, don't worry, you get a punch too.
For all the ******* you've put me through.
"Work harder, like your brother!"
Is what you tell me to do,
but I don't think I want to be like any of you.

Lost in a whirlwind of total confusion,
I don't understand, is this an illusion?
I groggily drag myself to a mirror,
and wait for my reflection to get clearer.

Explosions of sound go off in my head,
strange images appear in shades of red,
my reflection instills a feeling of dread
as I drag myself off to bed.

There's needles pricking at my skin,
as creatures squirm around within;
the confines of my mind are breached,
hysteria has been reached.

I claw at my skin to subdue the needles,
I scream as my room is filled with beetles,
inside I know this is all an illusion,
but my brain refuses that conclusion.

The air in my lungs feels like fire,
I feel I'm drowning as I perspire,
but as quick as the onset,
the effects expire,
and I'm left to ponder,
what the hell just transpired!?

Mín trega rapul við vegur av vatnast,
og blóðig gráta niðast báði og mín føvningur.
Mín glæstri oygdur svíkja mín ektaður grunur,
for Í føla so dimmi, álvuligur.
Innan Í skjóla.
Og innan har, Í fella burt, sum um Í hava tær doyggja,
og fella, um enn sum a dreygur fella.

Tú bjarga meg frá sjálvur.
Innan mín dimmi dagur, tú kom for meg.
Mín lethe. Mín ást. Mín vindrongur.
Takkar.

~Translation~

My pain falls by way of tears of water from my eyes,
and ****** tears down both of my arms.
My shining eyes betray my true thoughts,
for I feel so dark, not very happy.
Inside I hide.
And in there, I swooned away, as if I had been dying,
and fell away, even as a dead body falls.

You save me from myself.
In my darkest days, you came for me.
My lethe. My love. My friend.
Thank you.


(Inspired by Turid Torkilsdottir by Tyr and also one small part taken from "Dante's Inferno" The Epic Poem.)

It feels like I have the world on my shoulders,
and the world is too heavy for one person to carry.
I'm just dragging along my wretched frame,
as it sinks further into the ground.

I contemplate how I can fix things.
But I underestimate the power of my own mind,
and slowly I lose myself again,
to the inviting darkness that always seems to loom,
on the edges of my vision.

I don't know when it started,
how I got here,
or when it suddenly got so bad;
that I couldn't stand to be alone anymore.

But the one thing I do know,
is that the person I see in the mirror,
is just another conjured image
of someone who's trying to break me down.

My check in card expires today,
so I guess I'll be on my way.
Until I find a way to pay,
This is all that's left to say.


:( Be back soon hopefully!

Slowly
        drifting
                  upon
                           the
                               crimson
                                          Acheron;
                                                           I
                                                             embrace
                                                                            sweet
                                                                                     catharsis.

A blood donor clinic.

The smell of all the blood in the air makes me sick.
It brings me back to the time,
where blood flowed freely down my arms;
when blood stained the wristbands that I wore,
to try to hide my pain from the rest of the world,
because I told myself I would never be as stupid as any of them.

But I was.

The smell makes me so dizzy,
the floor comes up to swallow me whole,
but I have the common sense to run.

Far away.

I run to the bathroom,
and all I can feel is the shuddering of my body
as I'm huddled in a corner;
being bombarded by images of a darker time;
images of my Crimson Decision.

I will never forget that day.
I thought I was going to give up on everything,
because everything had given up on me.
I'm glad it didn't turn out that way,
I'm glad I had the common sense to stop.

There's no way I'm letting the world have the satisfaction of seeing me like this.

But every once in a while,
I fall back into my crimson state;
where my body shudders and shakes,
and my mind falls inwards,
dragging my feelings to one central point,
where hell is begging for my soul.

A blood donor clinic.

The smell of all the blood in the air makes me sick.
I could bleed you a pint faster than that puny needle could get,
but I have the common sense,
to re-think my Crimson Decision.

E
  v
     e
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                                                               ­                                                 s,

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                                                               ­                                                        i
                                                               ­                                                            k
   ­                                                                 ­                                                          e
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                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­            a
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                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­     y
                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­   s
                                                               ­                                                                 ­                                                            t    ­                 
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                                                               ­                                                                 ­                  s
                                             ­                                                                 ­                                 s.

Lost in a time so cruel and vile,
I've tasted the sting of your razor blade smile.
Crawling across my skin like a snake,
I need the pain to keep me awake...

Because I know, if I dream tonight,
All my thoughts, they will ignite.
I don't know if I'll be alright,
but I still have the will to fight.

You walk by me like I'm an illusion,
well pardon me for the ******* intrusion!
I hate your homophobic speech,
the way you act, hell, the way you eat!

I'm sick of you walking over me,
I hear that's not who you used to be,
but if this keeps up then you will see
just how much hate you have for me...

Cuz, I'll tell you to rot,
I'll tell you to burn.
You're power drunk,
but its my turn.
Is it so fun?
Abusing your son?
Your heart is a hole
and you have no soul.

I'll show you I won't be pushed down,
You're not the only one who fights.
You're so proud you'd wear a crown,
but that doesn't mean you make my rights.

The sun breaks through a dark gray cloud,
I’m standing in the rays.
And while it’s there I realize,
I haven’t seen the sun in days...
I wonder just how long it’s been,
since I’ve been in this maze.
The happy times have passed me by,
I’m stuck within this haze.

Each time I try to find the lie,
it all comes back to me.
Through every single happy time,
and every memory...
And even though I try so hard,
I really can’t believe,
who are you, what have you done?
It’s not like you to leave!

So here I am I’m back again,
Still walking through this maze.
With every single step I take
I’m still caught in the haze...
...and I fear it’s getting darker,
the sun is blinking out!
Someone has to find me here,
I know they’ll get me out.

I know that it’s too much to wish,
to just go back in time.
If I had known I’d lose myself,
I’d never call you mine.
It seemed so good, you stayed around,
but now I think you’ll find...
we were two kids just having fun,
and we know kids are blind.

So here I say I’ll know one day,
what it means to love.
I held you on a pedestal,
you were so high above.
But who could ever really know,
what it means to love?
I guess when I escape this maze,
I’ll know what they speak of.

It’s been one hundred days,
since I have been without you.
But it’s not so hard now,
‘cause my heart; it seems to doubt you.
You once had good intentions,
that, I say is true.
But sometimes I look back and think,
I’m better off without you.

You’ve beat me to the ground,
but still I stay around,
‘cause I’ve got a few words to say;
they’re gonna wipe your smirk away...

You thought you had me down and out,
so tell me, what was that about?
I knew you tried to hurt me bad,
but in the end, it’s you that’s sad!

Yet still, you seem to match my pace,
my mind, it seems to run a race.
I can’t keep holding on forever.

This heart is on its own endeavour.

It makes me think that up is down;
that lies are lurking all around,
I’m helpless here, my hands are bound,
and that’s just only what I found.

It’s got me so confused you see,
the hurt affects my memory,
but in them I still clearly see,
that what you did was wrong to me.

But I’ll get over this someday,
and she’ll learn you’re just out to play,
so when life falls apart, I’ll say:
Your life deserves to be this way.

One thousand times
Has the knife kissed my skin
So many times
After I said I wouldn't give in.

One thousand times
Have I allowed myself
To cry crimson tears
To hide my fears.

You would think
After a while
Cutting wouldn't help anymore.
But it turns out
I cut more every time
To the point I can't stop.

One thousand times I have failed myself.
But that's one thousand times I could have taken my life.

And I didn't.

I may have failed myself,
But I still have time to turn around
And right one thousand wrongs.

I feel my body losing control.
I'm losing sight of who I am.
I know what I'm becoming.
I've been here before.

I need to get away from the feeling;
the intense despair of being,
so, completely and utterly
alone.

I'm not alone anymore.
Why do I feel like this?
The waves of intense agony,
flowing through my system,
through the hole you left in my heart.

But the hole is slowly filling,
no matter how many times I lapse.
Because I know someone is there,
When I feel like I'll collapse.

Just recounting the tales,
of my hardships,
my loss, my love.
Has opened the hole again;
for new pain to flush out my system,
of the happy memories I'm trying to make.

I'm trying.
So hard.
To let you go.

I don't know who you are anymore.
That's why it hurts so much,
I thought you were my friend.

But instead,
you pulled me into the deep end,
and let me go.
Knowing I was unable to swim.

I kicked until I had no energy.
I screamed until my lungs were numb.
And still you just watched in cruel delight,
waiting for me to sink to the bottom.

But you don't know me anymore.

Pulled from the deep,
the day that I found you.
Pulled from the deep,
the day that our love grew.
Pulled from the deep,
but my past will not undo.

But I know I can escape the pain.
With your arms there to shield me,
I won't hurt again.

(This was just kind of something new I was trying...just kinda writing down the things going on in my head without really planning it out. Feedback? Opinions?)

Angry blue flashes
mark the extent of pain
that blurs my vision
with black holes
that **** in any positive
                                                             resolution

Inside the whirlwind
of emotion, there is
one thing.
That one thing is the
                                                             only
thing that can exist here.
Pain.

Outside of this haven,
this dark cold hole that I call;
home.
There exists a world,
where nothing good
ever
                                                             comes
my way.

Hiding away here,
I know I'll never last.
I know I can't fight
                                                              to
the end.

But I'll try my hardest.
I will show every single
one of
                                                              those
people who ever judged
me.

I will show everyone
                                                              who
ever thought that
they could break my
walls down.
Without consequence.

I will show them that
I can
                                                              truly
be a monster.
I can be the tool
of my own destruction
if they really
                                                              want
to provoke me.

To the people who
know me.
To the people who
love me.
I want to show you
something.

I want you to believe
me, when I say,
I can create
                                                               an
ending for this
story called life.
It can be pretty,
or,
it can be
macabre.

All I'm saying is,
there will be an
                                                                ending.

It might not be
the one you want
to see.
But I'm not
afraid to
pull the trigger.

Death

stalks the corners of my vision,

clouds my thoughts,

poor judgement,

bad decisions.



A fog sets in.

Smothering everything

I thought I loved.



...did it?

Did it win?

Did I lose?



Indecisive.

Distracted.

Overwhelmed.



I feel like giving up.

But I can't disappoint you.



You make my dark days

seem like a distant memory

and my troubles fly away

with just a look.



You fill my soul with laughter

you fill my heart with joy

and you fill my life with happiness.



Meaning.

Purpose.

Beauty.



Death may have its cold

dark, lifeless hands

tight around my neck.

But you are my shield.



Nick,

you are truly

my Lethe,

my Love,

my Life.

Let the rain fall down,
let it wipe away the pain,
then pick yourself up.

There was a strange moment
where time itself seemed to slow down
to a hundredth of a second
where everything was perfect.

Maybe it was just
the last vestiges of the sunset
dancing off your hair,
or maybe it was just a trick of the eye.

But for a moment,
there was perfection.

Maybe it was just,
because I like the way you smoke,
the way the colour accents your eyes,
in the mere moments that pass as you exhale.

But for a moment,
there was perfection.

Maybe it was just
because your smile ignited sparks,
that warmed me like the soft glow of a candle
as darkness started to fall.

But for a moment,
there was perfection.

Maybe it was just,
the way your voice lifted my spirits
as if nothing at all,
could make you happier.

For a moment,
there was perfection.
But for a lifetime,
there was true happiness.

I thought for sure;
I had it planned out.
I was going away,
I was fading out.

The light was gone,
from my eyes,
from my soul.
Hope had carried on,

to someone who was willing to hold it close.

"I got a Job!"
I thought that was great.
Wasn't it good enough for you?

"You work where? What a shame.
But I guess it suits you."

So what if it's the Dump?
Its a job someone's gotta do.
besides,
someone has to clean up after snobs like you.

So I do.

But I admit,
you had me going.
You got me down this time.

Which is funny because I thought,
family was supposed to help you through the grime.

But no,
you put me here.
because time and time again,

you kept telling me I was worthless,
and that I'd never fit in.

But you lied.

My friends there are like a family,
they all stand up for me.
They treat me how I should be:
like a ******* human being.

You almost made me **** myself.
That should make you ******* sick.
But I think that the anger
gives me an extra kick.

It makes me realize,
that not everyone is like you.
There's still some decent people,
and before I wouldn't have thought it true.

But there, I met two people,
who've truly shown me the way,
that the way to live my life,
is to **** what people say.

I'm happy being me,
and I'm happy I met you,
because now I'll live forever,
just so I can ******* smite you.

And I'll be happy.

Deep in your heart,
lies a great work of art,
between the twisted images,
do not be torn apart.
Forever in the light,
shadows draw no fear,
enemies cross no line,
they cannot draw near;
So listen to my words,
all that’s left to hear:
the petals fly away,
yet the stem remains.
So feel no pain,
go find all the pieces,
all that remains,
the hurt releases.

Save me from these prying eyes
who wish to see through my disguise.
There's a reason why I'm cloaked;
the sadness must be choked.

I've beat it down
and seen it drown;
why is that not enough?
I've poisoned it,
I've clawed and bit
but it still makes me frown.

If there's a way,
I'd like to know,
I'd like to move on now.
So this I'll say,
I won't let go;
life goes on somehow.

No matter what,
I will be tough,
this will not break me down.
My walls are strong;
suppressing the throng,
I will not be run-down.

This canvas so pale,
is so frail and so jailed,
inside a mind that screams
and wails.

The canvas is perfect,
besides old scars,
that I choose to reopen
and enjoy the stars;

that I feel in my head
when the canvas turns red,
such a stark contrast
between living and dead.

I don't know why I can't stop slicing,
I need the rush to feel okay.
I don't know why the rush keeps climbing,
I need it more every day.

*Shining scarlet kisses...
who am I to keep them away?

I get high to get by.
It's the only way I see,
to ease the pain that's slowly
growing inside of me.
My friends can't stand the change,
they give me misguided looks,
they seem to look at me
like my face is full of hooks.
I hate to see them judge me,
but they don't really know,
I've found a path to happiness,
but it seems so false and slow.
They think I'm like a stoner,
smoking myself to space,
but really, I'm a loner,
looking for an embrace.

The only place I feel safe,
is tucked inside his arms.
I feel like a helpless waif,
so in need of his charms.
Cuz my parents bring me down,
and I'm unsure of my friends,
could anyone accept me,
without going through a cleanse?
Cuz I'm done with faking happy,
for everyone else's sake,
this little slice of happy
is for me, only, to take.

I don't know how to tell you,
that it's so hard to get by,
and if there's one thing that I've realized,
it's that I only smile when I'm high.

A shooting star,
falls from the skies,
through the mist,
clear to the eyes,
make a wish,
as it plummets to the ground,
smoke,
surrounding it,
floats all around,
hear the sound,
of it hitting the barren earth,
make a wish,
for all that it's worth.

I feel the weight on my mind;
the crack in my heart,
the sickening feeling...
as it all falls apart.
Before our eyes,
we’ll sever the ties;
have I told you I’m sorry?
About all the lies...

And I get so dizzy,
as days roll on,
I don’t think I can take,
just one more dawn.
And I get light headed,
it’s easy to see,
when I think of what we used to be.

If I could go back,
just one more time,
and re-live my life;
with your hand in mine,
I think I’d be perfect.
I wouldn’t be scared.
But those are just pictures,
of the life we once shared.
So.

If only the sun would take me!
if only the wind was on my side!
I’d have the wind take me away,
and the sun would stop the burning inside.

Because I feel like I’m on fire,
with rage and pain and sadness...
It’s only you that I’ve admired;
and it’s driving me to madness.

But I don’t regret who we used to be,
and here, I’m so, alone.
It’s just the pain’s too much for me,
and I hope you’ll never know.

‘Cause I’d give up the world for you,
I’d take away the hurt.
But now you’ve walked away from me,
you’ve left me in the dirt.

But even so,
I hope you know,
I’ll always be right here.
I’m waiting for,
Our love to soar,
So take away our fear.

Someone.
One person is all I ask.
Maybe they'll find the time to read this.
Even though it's sad;
One persons greatest fear,
Never quite finding it's way to the surface,
Even though it's always just below it.

Heaven finds a way to taunt me now and then,
Even though I medicate my thoughts away,
Light always fades, and darkness
Plunges through.

My story is one of fear, of despair,
Even. But maybe, I'll find a way out of this

Insanity.

Sex.
Everyone expects me to believe that it doesn't hurt,
Even though they see how tentative I am,

They plainly see how scared I am.
History goes on for...
Ever. And ever and ever and ever.

Why can't anyone let me be in peace?
Hello, I'm looking for a way out.
Instead of helping me,
They just shut me down and out.
Everyone seems to think they know me.

Luckily for them, they don't.
Inside, I hide my true thoughts away, but that turned me into a
Ghost. A former shell of myself, wandering around aimlessly.
Help me? When will it stop? Because the white light at the end of the
T**unnel, was just a freight train coming my way.

I close my eyes and fall forward,
images fluttering through my mind.
They hit me like a freight train.

Over and over and over again,
I can't stop them.
They hold my mind in a sadistic trance.

I'm standing closer to the edge than I should be allowed.
But why does it matter?
I close my eyes and fall forward.

Who's going to be there at the bottom to catch me?
Or am I just going to crash into the pavement?

From the 24th floor
Everything seems so...
Insignificant.

I poke my head out the screenless window
And feel the intense rush of air
That steals the breath from my lungs
Like our first kiss did.

Life has gotten harder since then.
I feel like even the slightest of pressure
Will cave in my soul
And loosen my resistance to that screenless window.

I sat on the ledge today.
I contemplated it when you left for school.
I let my legs hang free from almost the top
Of the tallest building east of Montreal.

I long for that rush of air
The inability to breathe
As your body plummets to the ground
At terminal velocity.

I want to feel the adrenaline in my veins
As I kick off the wall
And let my worries fly away
As I descend into the arms of sorrow.

I dreamt of it the first night here.
I felt my entire body disintegrate
Under the weight of the world
As I crashed into the pavement...

And I can't help but wonder
If I'll actually witness the separation of my soul from my body
And watch my fractured frame bleed out on the ground
Like I did when I was dreaming.

I can only imagine how free I would finally feel
Released fully into the arms of sorrow
And letting that embrace take me away from all the pain
Forevermore.

So close to feeling dead,
so close to feeling alive.

Being suicidal
Is like living in a smothering fog,
But like all fog,
Sometimes it clears.

Being suicidal
Takes away being capable
Of fully appreciating life.
It feeds off your fears.

Being suicidal
Is an unimaginable suffering
That is all too real.
I've been here for years.

But being suicidal
After the fog lifts,
You appreciate the tiniest bits of life
So much, that it brings tears.

I miss you.
More than I've missed anything
in my entire life.

Why did you go,
when I needed you most?
When I needed
your reassurance,
that life will not take me
to more dark places.

How do you let go of the dead,
when they're still fully alive,
in our hearts?

How did I get here?
What did I do?
Tell me it can't be true!
I decided on chemical happiness,
but I didn't think it through.

I didn't think I would survive,
let alone be able to thrive,
without some sort of pill
to drag me up this hill.

I've been stuck at the bottom too long,
and I thought that I could be strong,
but now it turns out I was wrong,
because I guess I just don't belong.

I tried to call you for help,
I was doing the best I could,
but the only thing you got from that,
was that you never do me any good.

You know,
that pushed me down farther,
you knocked me down with your words.
"You should have been able to cope..."
You said,
and I replied,
"I'd be better off dead."

So from here on out,
I'm all alone,
and I don't know what to do.
These pills, they take a toll on me,
but I guess I should thank you.

Thank you for your words of hatred,
they showed me how to love,
and thank you for your acts of violence,
I fight well, and that's what I'm proud of.

I can hold my own against you now,
but I can't win against myself.
These pills destroy unwanted thoughts,
but those thoughts were my morals,
now placed on a shelf.

I'm sick of the pain!
There's no f*cking gain!
I can't believe there's a life ahead of me.

It's all the same,
it's all just a game.
And it's as stupid as I could ever be.

I need a way out!
I just need to shout!
But I know that no one will hear my plea.

So what's this about?
I'm jumping the boat.
To die in absolute misery.

What have I done to deserve
to lose my guiding light?
It's harder now than ever,
every day's a constant fight.

I'll never get to see you,
to thank you for all you've done.
I'll never get to meet you,
my brightly shining sun.

Your words have got me this far,
you've pushed me down this road,
and I don't feel like I've ever
owed as much as I do owe,

I owe you for your courage,
your strength to hold me tall
despite being on edge,
always about to fall.

I don't think many knew that,
you kept it in quite well.
Only once or twice it seems;
that's all you ever fell.

But in the end it's anger.
It consumes us all.
Anger is the one to blame;
the one to make you fall.

You never should have been there,
on that fateful night,
when you flew across the pavement,
flung far from your bike.

You never should have been there,
she begged you not to go.
But instead you took the low road,
but instead; you said no.

What was on your mind?
Did you know it would be your last?
Your last thoughts as a human,
and they were racing fast.

Why couldn't you slow down?
Why didn't you go home?
You were drunk and you knew it!
You didn't have to roam.

You should have stopped to think,
about your daughter and your wife.
You should have stopped to think
about your very life.

You were more than just one person,
you were an idol, proud and tall.
But you were more than just an icon;
you were a friend to all.

A friend in times of need,
in times of darkness and despair,
a friend in times of tragedy;
someone who's always there.

Now I'll never get to thank you...
but we all make mistakes.
It just ***** that we're so fragile
that one choice is all it takes.

All it takes to end a life,
whose voice reached across all Nations.
All it takes to end a life
with many dreams and aspirations.

But in the end,
there's a reminder.
Your voice; it still lives on.

In the end,
you are still with us.
You'll never be truly gone.

Because your words were filled with power;
screamed from an aching heart,
your words have changed the world,
and this is just the start.

I know it's scary,
but everything will be alright.

These words mean so much,
that you're still my guiding light.

White noise.
It's all that's left now.
The constant thrumming of sound,
washing through my veins,
easing it's way into my mind.
There's no feeling left at all,
Is there?
Because if there is,
I certainly can't find it.

Trapped in my own mind,
the pounding in my ears,
sounds like sand,
sliding through my veins,
weighing me down even more,
than I was before.

Was this even a good idea?
The color of this room drives me crazy.

White.
White walls.
White floor.
White door.
And that stupid fluorescent white light.

That one light keeps looking at me,
it just watches me.
It's constantly reflecting off my pale skin,
prodding it's way through my bright blue eyes,
to poke at the back of my brain.
Why does it have to be so bright?
Why does it have to be so...white.

It's like this entire room was built to watch me fall apart within it.
To constantly reflect my pain upon it's walls.
To beg me to stain it with the colors of my insides.

Red.

Red is what I see.
Hiding my eyes under my hair,
I see red.
The white light is forced to shift it's hue for me,
as I gaze upon it through my spider web of thought.
No one knows what I hide behind my eyes.
No one knows how hard it is to refrain from painting this room.
To cover up the white with red,
and to rid myself of the constant colorless noise.

I'm so scared of how you'll treat me,
when you find out about this game I'm playing.
You thought you had me all figured out,
but I guess I'm just good at wearing a fake smile.

I don't know how you'll react,
when you see how much you were wrong,
when you find out I was  broken from the start,
how I've  been suffering for so long.

But now, I need help.
I can't take it anymore.
And I'm so scared of how you'll react,
when you find me on the floor.