I pick up the phone and put it back down, convince myself that there's no use.
It'll only bring back memories I've been trying my best to forget.
But they live in my walls and the harder I run, the faster that I start to fall.
Then they surround me and scream in my face.
What once was my haven, is now a terrible place.
And then I'm drowning, getting pulled under by what we were and what we could be.
And you're laughing, calling me naive and spitting out questions like did I honestly think I was good enough?
And I'm crying, breathing in water, trying to fight it but the feeling is stronger.
Then I realize that I'll never win.
When I start to let go, you pull me back in.
And I'll never be skinny or pretty enough, I'm sick of disappointment it's time to give up.
But the hold that you've got on me is stronger than my common sense..
So I'll live in the shadows of the girl that you love, and always remain second best.

Don't pretend that you love me because I know it's a lie,
I can tell by the way you keep shifting your eyes.
I could tell by the urgency I felt in your lips,
That you wanted more than I wanted to give.
There was no love when your hands crept up my shirt,
Just lust and the frustration that you couldn't do that with her.
And though I blame you for everything that went wrong,
I realize now that it's not all your fault.
You used me for my body but I used you to feel loved.
And after I got attached I realized that it always went back to her,
I'd have you for the hour, but she'd have you always and forever.
And when I saw you together for the very first time,
I realized I imagined that love in my mind.
It killed me to know you got what you wanted,
And I was tossed aside, so easily forgotten.
I think that I loved you for all the wrong reasons.

Well Liars lie and cheaters cheat and if that’s you well then what does that make me?
It doesn’t matter;
I know what they’ll think.
It’s all your fault but I’m to blame.
Should have known better, should have realized your misleading smiles and dead end lies.
Looking back I wish I knew this was just a game that you refused to lose.

Lying tongues are clumsy and you’re no exception,
Of all the things you said you forgot to mention that you didn’t want me,
I just passed the time.  
How naive can I get to think you’d be mine?
Must have been love struck, cause’ I sure was blinded.
Got lost in your eyes and I couldn’t find my way out.
Am I out now?

I’ve been replaying all of the nights,
Looking for signs where you might have implied that you’d never leave her,
I don’t understand. What would she think of you holding my hand?
I still remember the things that you said, the way that you laughed, and the hope that you left.
The way that your eyes looked that night in your truck,
Kept me holding on to feelings I must have made up.
I didn't know that it was a contest between what she has and I don't.
I guess I was falling in love alone.

Two months ago seems so far away,
and I think of you less day after day.
I've begun to forget how your lips felt on mine.
With your hand in my hair and mine on your thigh.
I still regret how I thought it was fine,
to kiss a boy that would never be mine.
I still wince in pain when I see you with her,
and I think of the boy I thought you once were.
I long to reach out and tell her the truth
and tell her I'm sorry, but I realize there's no use
bringing up mistakes I can never undo.

I was only nine when you took my innocence,
and now that I’m older I’ve been trying to make sense.
I could have loved him, I think if it wasn’t for you,
but with each kiss I felt yours, and I couldn’t go through.
I never let him in because what if he didn’t understand,
the way that it felt to be used by a man?
I know that by now your body has rotted,
but the things that you did won’t be easily forgotten.
Each time is a struggle when I find someone new,  
and they try to touch me like young lovers do.
I get sick to my stomach and feel uneasy,
and it leaves me feeling ***** and guilty.
I find myself wondering if I'll end up alone,
or if someone would love me despite what they'd know.
If I could give them everything without pulling away,
and if it took time, how long they would wait.

Reality hits you like a ton of bricks,
When you’ve been dreaming for so long.
Never thought it’d come to this,
I never thought I’d be so wrong.
But when the walls came down,
And the truth came out, I learned to justify,
And the space between right and wrong, turned into a fragile line.

So go ahead, and take her hand,
Whisper in her ear, pretend I’m not sitting there, and get lost in her eyes.
I’m just a naïve girl, who couldn’t figure out the truth from the lies,
And you’re the boy who ******* me over too many times.

You’ve always had your way with words, you had me figured out.
You knew how to keep me hanging on until she’d come back around.
I spent so much wasted time, sitting around and wondering why, I wasn’t good enough.
Said you knew I’d get attached, but you thought I’d be okay. And now all you have to say is I’m sorry?

I played with fire and I got burned,
After five years you’d think I’d learn, but I kissed you back.
I bet you were thinking of her.

I spend my nights curled up with books filled with people I've never met but whose lives I wish I had lived
Frayed and worn from over reading and misuse
In this one the girl meets a boy and he doesn't break her heart
He doesn't blur the lines and says exactly what he means and what he wants
He doesn't use her to fill the void of his loneliness
He kisses her and the next day he isn't taken away from her by somebody else
She has a wonderful family
The mother isn't sick and is still married to the father
And the Grandfather never touched her the way mine touched me
She still has her innocence and isn't confused by what love was
And people can touch her without her feeling repulsed
She was full of trust and a naivety I sometimes wish I still had
But I don't
So I live my life through words and phrases of people who were made up
Because in the real world I find my reflection hard to bear

Why do you do this to me, he's falling in love, while I fall to my knees.
I get so close to forgetting, and it happens so fast,
You bring back a memory of my once happy past.
I try so hard to move on, but I'm frozen in place.
And I can feel the words I've been hiding, written on my face.
Please, just let go of my heart, I was so close to the end and now I can't find the start.
I know that once I get stronger, you'll beat me again.
Nostalgia, you're the most unwanted friend.

I'm not in denial and I'm no longer sad,
I'm just ****** at myself for being so ******* naive.
I'm ****** that I let you get the best of me, when I never got **** from you.
So I'm still ******* bitter, but do you blame me?
For five ******* years I let you string me along.
And for what? A moment that I feel guilty for everyday?
Guess I wasn't enough to make you stay.
You were my best friend, and it kills me when I see you with her.
Not because I like you, but because I feel bad that she still doesn't know.
Do you not understand how bad you hurt me?
Because although I don't think about you everyday,
I still think about you.
But I held my pride, and what did you hold? My heart?
Frankly, you're not worth it. You never were.

These memories are part of me, they're wrapped around my soul,
Each sound you make is joyful but it's not me that you hold.
Time has lessened little pain from when the wounds were new,
When you left me with a void that nothing can undo.
I'm not completely bitter, happiness I do still feel,
Like when I think about the kisses you'll never get to steal.
Your hands were rough and worn, I still feel them on my skin,
As gentle as they were, the monster lived within.
At first it hardly showed, then slowly more and more,
And it didn't go away until it found what it craved for.
Before I could react, it was far too late,
The boy I thought I loved began to slip away.
I swear I tried to help, but I wasn't strong enough,
I couldn't save the boy I thought that I had loved.

It took me awhile to finally grasp the idea
That your promises were paper, nowhere near steel.
You'd bend them and break them with just the form of your lips
Then try to rectify them as though effortless.
Your lies were executed so alarmingly well,
It was a few years until I ran like hell.
And even though I knew I was just a pawn in your game,
The love that I felt unwillingly stayed.
It took you consistently breaking me for one thousand four hundred and sixty days,
To wake me up from my deplorable daze.
Your lips still form words but I am no longer naïve,
And I watch you toss aside the others you've aggrieved.
How bitter you must feel to have to pretend,
And have loneliness be your only true friend.

Another time, a different face,
And a mind full of memories time can’t erase.
You’d think by now I would have learned,
When playing with fire you always get burned.
I’ve been here before; I’ve played this part,
And it’s left me with nothing but broken bits of my heart.
It’s not your fault; I’ve my own thoughts in my head,
I tried to find love but found shame instead.
And now it’s a struggle to get out of his hold,
While the truth I've denied slowly starts to unfold.
My hopes were too high, my expectations too low,
What your intentions were is something I’ll never know.
I knew he’d never love me, and the same goes for you,
But being naïve made me think it was true.
So the next time I’m looking into lying eyes,
I’ll let myself wander back into time.
I’ll remember the lesson you’ve both taught me here,
That falling in love is something to fear,
Trusting hands are misguiding and angels can lie,
And remember to never look into their eyes,
For they **** you in and won’t spit you out,
Until you’re beaten and bruised and are crying for help.
Even then it’s impossible to truly be free,
Because forever they’ll live in your memories

You asked me a question you already knew the answer to
You cared if I was out with other boys
But I never cared at all
You'd call to see if I got home alright
But I'd say that my phone was dead
And when you'd whisper in my ear late at night
I'd pretend I was already asleep
You'd hang on my every word
And I'd nod at your stories
When you wanted me to meet your parents
I made up a lie
You'd be the first person I'd drunk text
But I never gave away any hints
And when you'd tell me you loved me
I'd smile and kiss you on the cheek
So I was surprised when you asked if I loved you
Because we both knew that I didn't

I wish that for once my hair would do what I want,
I wish that your eyes would stop haunting my thoughts.
I wish I knew what I'd be good at in life,
I wish I knew why I like to start fights.
I wish that my bitterness would go away,
I wish that I would have begged you to stay.
I wish I could decipher lust from love,
I wish I knew why I wasn't enough.
I wish that I could let people in more,
I wish I wasn't so familiar with my bathroom floor.
I wish that the porcelain would stop calling my name,
I wish I could put down the razors, but I deserve the pain.
I wish that it was easier to get on the right track,
I wish I could take a step, without taking three back.
I wish that my wishes would always come true,
But all I can do is wish, and hope that they do.